' I will NOT be there for you, Son.' 

I am trying to pose a question knowing very well there is no answer to it, at least not one that would in any way calm my ANGER, yet I ask or my head will blow apart in million pieces.
How can a father not crave time with his sons?? How can he invest much effort in avoiding spending time with them?? They are not difficult or demanding children. On the contrary; they are easy to be with and a great deal of fun, with superb social skills and great sense of humor, the intelect that allows for a very satisfying conversation and scholastic and athletic achievements that would make any parent proud as a peacock!.............. True, I am not being biased.
Why is their father NOT wanting to spend time with them?! Why can he find time to go golfing, but not to answer his sons' telephone calsl?! How can he have energy to help his friend move but not to cheer his son during his games?! How can he go on without seeing his child for weeks at a time when he is only some two hundred yards away?!
There is no new family and no new woman taking him away from our sons, and this is nothing new or unusual in his behaviour; I should have had accepted and gotten used to it by now... why then I let it bother me so much... Oh, all right, I know why; he is upsetting my children and that deserves going for a throat!
I suppose I am not asking really, I am hurting for my boys so much and I am angry, because I know They deserve better! They deserve a father who cherishes them, who Is there for them, who doesn't run late for his son's HS graduation and later rushes through dinner so he could go back on a golf course! My kids deserve better and I feel guilty for not giving them a father who deserves them.
He has his own firm and great flexibility, I am paid by an hour and don't make even one eight of what he does, yet since he is not willing or available when they need assistance I have to ask my boss to let me go and tend to their needs, hence I lose pay. And I am the one that feeds those boys; I need to make that money! What is wrong with this man? 
Now! At least once I got it out... I guess the real queation is why do I feel such need to be loyal to him that even writing this down makes me uneasy? Like I broke some decency code?
Thanks for listening :)