Unfortunate Existence 

There were times when he would put her to shame, if work and home were too much to handle...and just in case she misbehaved, he reminded her of an impending rage...confused by his " I Love You " and occasional actions of a madman. She learned how to step aside...but it would be many more years before all her emotions drained...till there was nothing left but an empty shell, of the woman she longed to be.Life's memories were pushed aside while searching for the truth, her eyes became obsessed you see, for the person who she so desperately needed to find, and who she wanted to be...She should have taken a good long look ...at how it all would end. I'm sure her heart held the proof ...but all one really needs to do is look into his eyes...recounting all the many things, that he had so denied...to lay them all in front of him, and to see his real conviction...of turning her into a slave, all for the sake of his ego...So how does one forget a life without true meaning, and losing of oneself to someone so demeaning ? Obsessing about the days of all his evil ways...never being right, not able to please without destroying oneself...not able to speak to someone who could help. With no support from those who know about the evils of control.What memories of life can one person have, if life was meant to live through the eyes of another...we would all end in mourning for this lost soul, but all the tears can't bring back the years, of a childhood memory of the real person you would thrive to someday be. We all fall short of some important goals, but most people have no regrets, as long as their life had some meaning...to have friendships as support groups, to be able to find the strength inside that helps us live with life's ups and downs. To have our faith and spiritual beliefs acknowledged as our own. To be accepted and allowed the freedom to live our lives as we once hoped to. To be able to look in the mirror, and love , as well as like that person looking back.I pray that one day I will accomplish my dream, to help those less fortunate. I pray for forgiveness, and thank God for the strength I finally found within myself, to break away from a life that was wasted on the one person who could not except me for whom I wanted to be...I have a long road ahead of me, with therapy, my new found friendships support, my families love and understanding.Being given a second chance at a life worthwhile, a freedom never before experienced, and the PEACE I have always asked for, is the most precious gift of all.I must learn what this world is about and live my life as if the 20 years which are behind me, never happened...because I can't think about the good times and laughter, without reliving the "Hell" that was once my existence... Composed in the year 2006