Blog

Well- I filed the divorce papers and finally told the kids!!!!

Hi guys!

I know I have not posted in awhile. As you are all aware this divorce process just gets your emotions all over the place.

I went to the lawyer and filed for divorce from my husband. He still had not stopped his emotional affair with the girl he works with and was still unsure if he wanted to save the marriage so after 6 mnths I decided I had enough and I filed for divorce. Now I still love my husband and really believe he is just going through a mid-life crisis- just turned 40, unhappy with his career and where he is at in life but I did come to the realization that I deserve better then this and I need to move on so I filed for divorce.

I told my husband I was going to do it and he asked me to wait a few more weeks because the more he thinks about things the more he thinks he wants to work it out. I told him it went on too long and I need some space from him and i was not going to wait.

This weekend we told our 2 boys together- age 10 and 12. All 4 of us were crying- we have a really happy home- no fighting,abuse,etc so it was an extreme shock to the boys. My husband handled it like quite the man. He told the kids he was just not treating me the way I deserved to be treated and this was 100% his fault. This was on Sunday. Yesterday, my husband asks me if I would be willing to just seperate for 2-3 mnths and then reevaluate where we are at and then if things are no better go through with the divorce.

I am so torn! I love my husband dearly but he has been talking to this girl at work through calls and text messages almost daily since May 2008. One interesting fact though- he had bought a 2nd cell phone that I found where he would talk to her so I could not track it. He just had the 2nd cell phone disconnected without ever telling me he had it disconnected 2 weeks ago. I found the bill hidden in his work papers. So- he got rid of the 2nd phone and never told me. 1-2 mnths ago I just gave up on us and started doing stuff for myself getting prepared for life as a single mom and I think he noticed that and then started 2nd guessing things. I think he finally realized how his mistakes have impacted all of us.

He said he wants to give me my space and earn back my trust. Well, 1st of all if he is moving out of the house how does someone earn back your trust if you are not seeing them? Since we have 2 kids involved in this I do not want them getting their hopes up but I also don't want them thinking we are definately getting a divorce if I decide I am willing to give it a few more mnths with him out of the house.

These decisions are so tough. We have been together 18 yrs and I just am not sure what the right thing is to do. I made of list of pros/cons for each and they each besically have the same # of items on each side. Counseling did not work for us so this is a decision I need to make on my own. I just don't want it to be the wrong one.

by skyler 63 Posts

Posted on 3/25/2009 10:58 PM

Get Alerts!

send to friend

Send to a friend

Well- I filed the divorce papers and finally told the kids!!!! on divorce360.com

E-mail: Separate multiple addresses with commas(,)

From (Your name) :

Your e-mail address:

0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Tags: divorce , seperation , emotional affairs , kids ,
analyzing , unsure , sadness , is it over?

Blog posts by skyler

Comments for "Well- I filed the divorce papers and finally told the kids!!!!" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Dear Skyler Part II -

I ran out of characters, but wanted to say a bit more.

Couples who go through relationship trauma issues and come out whole on the other side are all the stronger and more intimate for the journey. It is a difficult road frought with bumps and tears, but the end result can be that the two of you will come out best friends again.
     I would like to refer you to my blog. I write on different relationship issues daily. You can look through them to see what helps. My email is there as well if you would like to contact me and ask a specific question or ask me to write on a specific topic.
     It's always darkest just before the dawn. Have faith that you are exactly where you should be right now. Take one day at a time and let your inner voice guide you to your next step.

You can find me at: http://holistic-counselor.blogspot.com/.
Good luck in your journey.

by elsie 21 Posts
Posted on 3/26/2009 11:12 PM

	1	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Dear Skyler - I work with people who are going through relationship trauma everyday. I would like to give you some insights. I noticed you said that counseling didn't work for the two of you. Did you ever think that you might've worked better with a different counselor? Sometimes couples and counselors just don't click. Sometimes it's just not the right time. I applaud you for thinking about yourself & having the self esteem to call your husband out for his poor behavior. Your decisions seem well thought out so far. Don't give up on counseling yet. It didn't work once before, but that doesn't mean that it won't work this time. You are both in very different states of mind now. You have alot at stake. Your husband behaved well with your children, taking responsibility for his actions & admitting his mistakes. Maybe he is willing to work toward earning your trust as he says. If so, you both will need a counselor to guide you through this very difficult process so that you both learn why he sought an emotional connection outside of your relationship. Knowledge and discussion of what he felt was missing, will provide you with the security you feel has been lost. When you both find out what he was looking for, you can work together to make it happen within the relationship. I would caution you not to try to make the decisions alone. See a counselor by yourself at first, & get a clear picture of what you need from your relationship and your husband in order to protect your children from trauma. If your husband is open to trying again, he should see a counselor to figure out why he is acting up and what he thinks is missing in his life. Changing partners will not solve his problems. You both seem quite committed to your family. If your children could tell you, they would ask Mom & Dad to try again.

by elsie 21 Posts
Posted on 3/26/2009 11:05 PM

	1	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I agree with 123...take some time but DON'T let your guard down. Think with your head and not your heart right now. At this point you need to start thinking about the kids and what is best for them. I have two that are the same ages and they were not okay with the divorce but adjusted at their own speeds. I don't regret divorcing my ex since I fell out of love with him and the trust and respect were long gone and I wasn't going to stay for the children. I'm doing fine now, better actually.

Take care and keep us posted.

by BeeBee 83 Posts
Posted on 3/26/2009 2:32 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I would give it some time. You have nothing to loose by waiting a few more months before making your final decision. I would say however, that you should continue to make your plans for a future without him. I am basically in the same boat. Married for 30 years this coming May, 2 grown children, found out he has been cheating on me, tried marriage counseling, it didn't work to save the marriage, still living in the same house with him, but I'm almost positive that "the marriage" is over, and now we are living like room mates. Finances are keeping me in this position.

by chiodokeller 3 Posts
Posted on 3/26/2009 10:38 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I would def take the time to think it through those couple of months cuz you dont want to make a decision and pay all the money to get divorced if you really regret it later.

by rebec311 611 Posts
Posted on 3/26/2009 9:56 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I think it is okay to take a few months to think. As you said it is a hard decision. Take Care.

by 123 1906 Posts
Posted on 3/25/2009 11:43 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.

Well- I filed the divorce papers and finally told the kids!!!!

help you budget and plan

definitions from "alimony" to "writ of execution"

divorce, custody and child support links by state

get help now