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One Bottle Left

oenophile –noun a person who enjoys wines, usually as a connoisseur.

I enjoy wine. Lately, I've been enjoying more of it. It's probably an experience with which many people going through a divorce/separation are familiar. It's an incredibly stressful time. And since for many people it can go on for a prolonged period of time, the need for moments of relief that alcohol brings for many people (for good or for ill) becomes more acute.

The problem of course is good wine costs good money. I don't consider myself a wine snob. I have done my share of boxed Franzias and even a Boone's Farm or two (because I needed some extra fruit in diet). My focus has been to get generally good quality wines for less than $20 a bottle.

Still there are credit cards to pay. Lawyers to pay. Taxes to pay. School lunches to pay. Gasoline. Alimony. Movers. Storage. Car insurance.

My soon-to-be-ex (I call her L.) has been living with her parents since we separated about seven months ago. She recently recovered from a bout with her multiple sclerosis. Fortunately, medical insurance covered everything. But she has no job, no DESIRE to get a job, and is, I fear, using her condition as a crutch to justify never working again. So the burden for paying for a future two households rest on me. It's familiar territory and to a certain extent, I want to accept some of that burden. After all, I am at least 50% of the problem.

My poor friend, Vino, has been squeezed out.

So I have depended on my previous stockpile of Pinot Noirs, Shirazs, and Merlots for these months as the petition was filed, the financial worksheets were filled out. And updated. And updated again. And more paperwork submitted. And resubmitted.

And lo and behold, at last, a draft settlement agreement. Redrafted. And yelled and screamed about. And redrafted. And yelled and screamed about some more.

And redrafted...

You get the picture...

And then... there was a redraft and... silence. Silence!! We appeared to have come to an agreement! Yes it wasn't everything I wanted. It wasn't everything she wanted. But the big stuff appeared to be in plce for both of us.

I had insisted she take on at least some of the debt of the marriage. Of course, she paid for the debt through my 401(k). But then she would take the 401(k) funds out and pay the taxes herself (at a lower tax rate) and keep the majority of mine intact. She hated the car I left her. So the 401(k) money could be used to pay off the existing loan, give her the car outright and possibly allow her to trade in for something she wanted. I agreed to more maintenance than I wanted, but less than what she wanted.

The one bright spot is that there never seemed to be any issues over our daughter, R. She would live with me until she graduates in about a year from high school. She plans to go to college. She is a superior student and I believe will have her choice of places to go.

So I am closer than ever from a legal separation. One that will allow L. to keep my insurance until she can apply for Medicare based on her disability, wait two years to qualify and then, most likely, I will convert the separation to a divorce, and all will be done.

And I have one bottle of wine left. It's a 2003 Stone Hill Norton Estate Reserve. Stone Hill is a winery here in Missouri, where I live. At one time in the 19th century, it was the second largest winery in America, growing grapes in the German tradition along the Gasconade River in East Central MIssouri.

I have saved it. I have saved it for that day -- the day when the bitterness and the sweetness of this long road goes from journey to destination. I have lost much in the journey. I have lost friends and family. I have lost sleep and sanity at times. I have lost the person I was, but reclaimed the person I wanted to be and should have been all along. I have created a new future but still feel the tendrils of the past pulling on me.

I will share this bottle with my best friend, Nate, on that day. I went through his divorces with him. He has now done the same for me. We will probably laugh and smile and maybe, just maybe, shed a tear or two.

But one thing is for sure. It will be an excellent wine that I will remember drinking for a long time.

by justokguy 163 Posts

Posted on 3/22/2009 5:27 PM

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Comments for "One Bottle Left" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks all.

Tearose, I haven't tried the Meritage yet... That may need to be on my purchase list (that is, when I get a bonus I can keep for myself... lol)

And Jenilyn, yes they do! I'll race you there sometime and we'll uncork a spumanti together... and a Norton... and a Hermannsberger and... :)

by justokguy 163 Posts
Posted on 3/24/2009 2:29 PM

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Stone Hill wineries makes an excellent spumonti! I have a son who lives in the area and am planning on seeing him and my daughter-in-law in a few months and touring the winery again. Do they still have their free tours and samplings? Been years since I did that so am not sure.

Save that wine and share it with those who are close to you in celebration of the new you and your new freedom and life!
***HUGS*** Jenilyn

by jenilyn 245 Posts
Posted on 3/23/2009 7:31 AM

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A good wine has been with me throughout this whole ugly mess. Ironically, I drank a good bit of it for courage the night that I confronted him with his affair (almost a year ago). Now, an occasional glass helps me sleep or relax with friends. I plan on having a perfect glass of zinfandel when the divorce is final.

by angielou 1563 Posts
Posted on 3/22/2009 7:15 PM

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I have an Estancia Meritage 2003 that I am saving for the same purpose. In the mean time I am enjoying a local wine St. Croix Vineyards Frontenac 2006. The grape was developed my the University of Minnesota making it one of the few original Minnesota wines. Delicious and not too expensive. You should follow the river up to MN, there are a couple of nice wineries in the Stillwater area.

by tearose57 450 Posts
Posted on 3/22/2009 7:11 PM

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Well I don't drink and I have my divorce. But I did go out to eat with two friends that had just received their divorces. It was a quiet meal between friends as we reminisced about good married times and more of the bad married times.

by trisha9054 4967 Posts
Posted on 3/22/2009 7:05 PM

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A fine wine and a good friend, sounds like a day to look forward to for sure...
I can't drink wine due to the aging process (triggers the old migraines) so I will share a corona w/lime with my dearest friend when that day comes...
Take care ; )

by kdb 3175 Posts
Posted on 3/22/2009 6:35 PM

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