Open letter to divorced dads of teenage daughters 

Being divorced isn't easy.  Being a child with divorced parents isn't easy either. But being a teenager with divorced parents....well that pretty much takes the cake.  I have been on both sides of this subject.  I was a teenage girl with divorced parents.  I now am a divorced parent of a teenage girl.  Let me say, that no matter how good your co-parenting skills have been with your ex, the trail takes a major turn when girls turn into teens. I know that you love your daughters.  I know that you want to spend time with them.  I know that you want them to be Daddy's little girl just like they always were. And they are........somewhere deep inside.  But at the same time, they are turning into women and they need the space and time to do that. The best gift my dad has ever given me, my entire life, was to recognize when it was time to take a step back. I was still going over to my Dad's as required. But I was miserable.  I was miserable because I didn't want to be there.  I wanted to be with my friends or in my room, or anywhere but with my Dad.  I was also miserable because I felt guilty.  I felt guilty because I knew my Dad was sensing it, and yet I just couldn't bring myself to faking it with him.  I knew he was feeling rejected but just couldn't do anything about it. So there we were both having a miserable time. And then my Dad did something that seems almost unthinkable.  He asked me if there would be some other arrangement that would make this situation better for me. He asked if maybe him coming over and picking me up once a week for dinner or something might work better for me.  I remember thinking...."really?"  I can be relieved of this awful setup where we are both feeling bad. There's no catch?? He was suggesting it, so maybe he wasn't going to feel so bad.  And so I jumped on the chance.  We actually agreed that he picked me up once a week and took me to breakfast. We did it pretty much every week, and we did it for years. I know my Dad must have been really sad about it to let his "little girl" so early, but to this day, we still can talk about everything.  So for the short term, it was probably hard on him.  But for the long term, we developed a real relationship based on genuinely getting to know each other, not one based on existing in the same house. Listen to the signals from your daughters. You will help them greatly by paying a little attention.  Of course, I presume this situation applies to Mothers, daughters, Dads and sons as well.  Just listen.....not only to the words of teenagers, but to the clues. We cannot control them, and the best way to make a relationship for life may be to let them go.