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March 09/Just a blog

I have had moments of strength thinking, "This is how it is you will be okay and you will have a happy future" to "How am I going to get through the day?" Having one of those days.

Talked to him on the phone. Made me miss the "old him" the one that loved me and asked me to marry him. I get so overwhelmed with my future. I do miss having a man in my life. I feel insecure, ugly, and my heart is so heavy with the pain of dealing with this nightmare.

Scared from talking to him that he will switch the child custody we verbally have agreed upon. He gets every other weekend and one night a week. This is what he wanted and the kids are happy this way. They did not want two bedrooms. Now he is telling me how he misses him. Dreaded this divorce to be final and now I want it to hurry up so that I can have this agreement in writing.

Why do we all want the answers to why we are now in this situation? Want to go back in time and change the regrets that I have. Know it is not possible too, why can I not let it go?????

This is just a plain old bloc a bloc about the feelings I have today. Helped to vent. Thanks.

by 123 1906 Posts

Posted on 3/16/2009 11:49 AM

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Comments for "March 09/Just a blog" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

I think we all want to go back and be different somehow...but what we did is a reflection of who we were at the time...I dunno, I wasn't perfect but I tried and had good intensions.

That's all we can really ask of anyone, isn't it? Okay to learn from it, but not to second-guess oneself or others, in my opinion.

I'm beginning to think that it's definitely better to let alone who we were and what we did, and move on. Not saying it's easy, though!
:-)

by Natalie 729 Posts
Posted on 3/16/2009 6:44 PM

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I agree with Lenn that it gives us back a degree of control when we know what the answers are. It makes gaining closure an easier thing. However, I've learned the less I dwell on it (not a dig on you 123) the less it bothers me. I know, easier said than done, but slowly but surely it got to the point that I can talk about why my EX (still makes me grin calling her that) did what she did w/o even a bother in the ole ticker. Personally I don't think my EX thought about it long enough that she even knows. Actually I know that.

I'm sure as time continues by and you learn that knowing won't ultimately change the price of tea in China you will do the same 123! Hang in there ole friend. :o)

by buggaboo 1172 Posts
Posted on 3/16/2009 5:08 PM

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Answers give us comfort. We yearn for answers because if we gain them, we re-establish our control over our circumstances. That is, we can once again think, "If I do X, then Y will result," and "if I do not-X, then not-Y will result." Given the pain of divorce and the natural desire to get the hell away from it, it makes sense that our desire for answers will be that much stronger. The problem is, in most cases, the answers will not make much sense. I really believe that in the vast majority of cases (including a sub-set of cases of adultery), divorce is a nuclear response to a WWI situation.

And given what I've written above, regret makes sense on the same grounds--we need to regret because we need to believe we have control.

However, one thing you and I DO have control over is where we go this Saturday...let's make it great so neither of us regret a missed opportunity.

by lenn 2653 Posts
Posted on 3/16/2009 1:57 PM

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It is amazing the stages that we go through. Towards the end I just wanted it to be over. We are in the process of changing a few things and I want the lawyer to "move it".

When is it over? How old are the kids?

Oh yeah, I was told by my lawyer to "settle down" per the other lawyer. We don't even speak....well, I know what it was that he was referring to.....each time he drops of the kids, I slam the door after the kids leave the room. It is called therapy and I know he hates it.....lol

by vlady 2123 Posts
Posted on 3/16/2009 1:48 PM

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this takes time. divorce = raw emotions that come and go and come back again and again...every time a little differently.

as for the child custody. no need to feel nervous or rushed. the fact is that everthing in your divorce decree, minus the decision on what to do with the marital home, can be brought back to court every year.

i know, annoying. but for everyones best interest.

ex: if his income goes up, you can go to court to have support increased.

yes, it does mean that child custody can change too. but what you have detailed is the norm for most people....and it would be rare for it to change wihtout a serious reason.

by paula1 12662 Posts
Posted on 3/16/2009 11:59 AM

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