divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

profile
Community  :: brian60's Stuff  :: brian60's Blog

  click here 
Personal Tags
ADVERTISING PARTNERS
Blogs
You can search for Blogs by tag here:


Invite Others
Invite friends and family to join you on d360! - Click here

I lost it.... 

Things were going well, I really thought I had come to terms with everything going on with my stbx and my son's latest problems... but then something happened on Saturday....

 

A guy I worked with several years ago was coming to town on Saturday and called me Thursday to ask if I wanted to meet for a drink Saturday night.  Sure, what the hell... I never have been a drinker, just an occasional beer.  So we met for dinner at a local sports bar and I had a few.  We caught up on old times, talked about old friends and I had a few beers.  He had a few too, and conversation turned to my stbx...  He proceeds to tell me that my stbx made the moves on him at a Christmas party several years ago.  Talk about being smacked in the face. I honestly never suspected my stbx had ever cheated on me until this last time with her co-worker that caused our breakup.  Well, I lost it.  And yes, I made a scene.  Even though this guys swears that she is the one that came on to him, he admitted that they did "make out" in a back room, but nothing more....  I turned into a lunatic.  I was screaming and swearing and we even shoved each other a few times.  Luckily it didn't come to blows.  I ended up storming out before it got worse and I called my son and asked him to pick me up.

 

Talk about embarrassing.  I HATE public displays and I HATE looking like an ass and that is exactly what I did.  When my son came, I then had to try to explain to him why his dad had too much too drink and why they wouldn't let him back in the bar... I did NOT want to get into why I was pissed at the other guy because that is not something I want my son to know.

 

So... I called the guy today and apologized and he did too.  Should he have told me?  I don't know. I do know I need some help with anger issues!

 

by Brian60  325 Posts 

Posted on 2/22/2009 7:34 PM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
0

Tags: anger , coworkers
<< Previous Post  |  Blog posts by Brian60  |  Next Post >>


Comments for "I lost it...."  (15) (You must be logged in to answer)
To not expect anger is beside the point. It's natural. Any of us would do the same. I am glad you showed restraint. A word of advice: is he really your friend? I would never make out with a friends wife. And I would not consider a friend, one who did that to me. I believe in forgiving, but if he did it that once, he might do it again. Just something to think about.
by Dadof2   1465 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2009 10:08 PM
0



I understand, and am so sorry that happened to you......I have found out so many things that my x had done since I filed for divorce from him, I am glad you called this guy...he may have been wrong about what he did....but it took guts for him to confess that to you (IMHO)

When you hear these type of things, it just proves what a sneak you are married to (thats the way I see it).

Hang in there buddie!!! Keep posting...It helps!
Terri
by __STRIKER__   1399 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2009 9:47 PM
0



I won't defend his actions in telling you, however, maybe he thought he was doing you a favor by doing so, assuring you that leaving was the right thing! Granted he should have not done so in the manner in which he did, and especially when there's drinking involved. I don't think anger management is a problem here, you did quite well under the circumstances!
I know that no matter our ex's have done to us, when you loved someone it's hard to hear things bad about them! I'd still stand up for my 1st. ex's honor in some situations. And your calling and apologizing was very big of you! Take care!
by kdb   3175 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2009 12:24 AM
0



Brian,

 I know the horror of causing a scene in public!  I am not usually like that either.....but anything that is connected to the stbx seems to bring out the worst in me!  You handled it the only way you could.  What a shock.  It was not fair of him to blindside you like that....especially when you were having a nice time and also when there was drinks involved.  Your body goes into either fight or flight.  You chose fight.  Nothing wrong with that and perfectly understandable.

That's the way my therapist described it to me in October when I caused a horrible scene in a restaurant parking lot.  Talk about sailor talk.....even worse coming from a woman!  The next time you are confronted with something that makes the crazies take over, take 2 steps back and breathe deeply.  The only way I really think that would work, though, is if you're not drinking.  If I was drinking, I think the crazies could definitely take over!

Was it right for your friend to tell you?  Well, I think it was something you needed to know, but not at that moment in those circumstances.  Maybe the drinks loosened his tongue at the wrong time.

I agree with every one else here...it takes a big man to admit his mistakes.  I admire you for calling and apologizing.
by angielou   1565 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:42 PM
0



That's interesting that he chose to tell you now rather than before.  Sounds like he has a guilty conscious. 

It was good of you to not kick the shit out of him.  So I'd say you handled yourself quite well. 

It must have been a bit humiliating to have your son pick you up because you had a few too many.
by purebredinip   1194 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:36 PM
0



Wow thanks everyone... I was afraid you'd all tell me I handled it wrong! lol!  I don't even know the reason he told  me. It was weird actually. One minute we're bragging about the good old days and the next he's talking about the christmas party!   It was not pretty though...  I was swearing like a sailer and I am embarrassed at that.  That's not like me at all.
by Brian60   325 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:25 PM
0



Good for you for not beating him to a pulp. He should not have told you that. There was no reason for him to. It could have been the alcohol. It could have been guilty feelings. Maybe he thought you were to the point that you didn't care anymore, and when he told you he thought you would react in 'well that figures' manner. Maybe he did want to get a rise out of you. Or maybe a combination of them all. Regardless, that wasn't something he needed to share with you. He should've kept it it to himself to his dying days. That knowledge was of no benefit to YOU, so he was just being an a** by revealing that tidbit useless and hurtful information. It was big of you to call and apologize. I'm sorry to hear about this. But you will get back on track. We all hit our bumps in the road. Hugz
by bear1821   1288 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:18 PM
0



Some people really don't consider how their confessions may crush the listener. I'm totally sorry that happened to you -- and awed, that you phoned him and apologized. Whatever else you're feeling, know that you've got a lot of class.

Hugs, hugs, hugs...
by felix7   463 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:18 PM
0



As someone who used to own a bar and bounce guys out on a regular basis I will say your friend should have kept his mouth shut.

The alcohol did loosen his tongue and that is something you don't ever tell a friend about his wife. Even a soon to be ex wife.

90% of the fights I  had were over some drunk doing just what your friend did. And I'm with sjg on this one.

You may have drank a little more than you could handle but I don't think you have an anger problem. I would call it a friend problem
by trisha9054   4967 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:13 PM
0



WOW!  There really are some thing that just don't need to be said.  ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))  to you.
by Dactyl   2607 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:07 PM
0



Well, I would say that you have your anger issues pretty reined in. You didn't smash his head in and you called and apologized. The fact that it came to shoving at all was probably more due to the alcohol. Alcohol probably had a lot to do with him telling you this to begin with. It loosens the tongue as well as inhibitions. As much as it hurts, this may help in your healing process. I know that sounds absolutely nuts but well, I think once they go so far, well, there really is no turning back....Hang in there.
by militaryp   2952 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:05 PM
0



I can't even imagine why this guy told you any of that, except to absolve himself of any guilt he might have.  Totally understandable that you got upset, I mean who wouldn't?

That being said, glad to hear that you didn't squash him like a bug.

Kudos to you for that.
by Kitty7470   2621 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:04 PM
0



Everyone is being nice buttttt I really want to show my Irish self.

What the Hell was that man thinking? Oh he deserved the smack down he did not get! Now I feel better ;)

You are a wonderful man. You handled yourself very well. I'm happy to know there are men out there like you.
by sjg   1772 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 8:02 PM
0



Sorry, that he had to tell you that.  And you did keep it together enough to not smash him the way he deserved to be.  And, being a man with your son, that was a true show of the bond you two have.
by Jamesalone   2778 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 7:46 PM
0



Brian, i am soo sorry, i am sure that you were not prepared for that at all.. it was nice of you to call and apologize. i hope today was a better day for you?

(((((HUGS)))))
by cherbear   5182 Posts
Posted on 2/22/2009 7:41 PM
0





Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.

expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. When Is a Marriage Worth Saving?
10 Things to Think About When Considering Whether to Stick with a Relationship

2. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

3. Divorcing? 15 Costly Financial Mistakes
Settlements: 15 Critical Financial Mistakes Often Made in the Heat of Divorce

4. Beginning Checklist: Planning to File for Divorce
12 Steps to Consider if You or Your Partner Have Decided to File for Divorce

5. Are You Ready For Divorce?
Three Key Questions You Must Ask Yourself