Stupid is as stupid does 

Ok. I have decided to come clean about the widow. We have been exchanging email on yahoo and IM'ing since mid-december. He did in fact send me flowers and chocolate on Saturday. I have enjoyed talking with him and wow, I was just flat out enjoying myself. However, I have raised my guard against him now. I don't know when or if ever he is actually going to visit. We had talked about that and I was ok with it as long as he knew he would be staying in a hotel and not at my house. He actually asked for money. Now this is where you are going to tell me I am stupid and maybe I am. I did in fact send him $150. It was not as much as he asked for. It was what I could afford to part with, knowing that I most likely will not see it back. Why did I do it? Well, he could very well be in the situation he says he is in. Things like this can happen to other people. It is not like I gave him money that I needed for my house payment. He came back with another story and yep, you guessed it, needed some money. I emailed him back and asked him what part of this is what I had to send you that you didn't get? I told him that I have a commitment to raise my kids and to pay my debts and that I would never consider sending someone money, I don't care how well I know them, that I can't afford to lose. I knew when I sent it that he was most likely a scam artist. Why did I still send it? Well, I figured he must have needed it more than me if he was willing to put that much time and effort into romancing me in order to try to get something. I also figured that it was less than what I would have paid for therapy. It was said that God brings people into your life for a reason. He was a part of my healing. Because of my "friendship" with him, I was able to get over wondering what my stbx was doing and who he was doing it with. That is worth a hell of a lot more than $150 to me. I will still talk to him. Who knows, maybe I am judging him too harshly. but the money was also a kind of test for me and so far, he has failed the test. If he pays it back, then I will have to re-evaluate but that is my stance at this point. I am a little disappointed to think that it wasn't me that he was interested in but what he thought he could get out of me. In a way, I guess my self-esteem just took a little nose-dive but better my self-esteem at this point than my bank account. I kept remembering the warnings I had gotten on here about being too good to be true. So thanks. For those of you that occasionally think I have a decent head on my shoulders. I probably just disappointed you, but sometimes I think with my heart. I just kept thinking, what if it were me in that situation? Would someone have helped me? Well, I don't feel bad for helping, if that is what I did, I just feel kind of sad that my guard slipped back into place. I am a little sad that I let it down in the first place. I will survive and if he does in fact pay me back, then I will make a public apology on here, but I am not holding my breath.