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Valentine's Day 

I hate Valentine's Day.  It's one of the two most stressful days of the year, second only to my anniversary.  What do you do with a day that is dedicated to celebrating love and romance, when you feel nothing of the sort in your relationship?  Do you get a card?  Is that dishonest?  If you don't, are you neglectful for not even "recognizing the day", as my wife puts it?  And if you do, how do you find a card that doesn't say...doesn't even hint at saying..."I love you"?

I bought a card yesterday.  Took me a long time to find one that didn't say "I love you", not even the word "love", no hearts or flowers.  All it said was, "Wishing you a perfectly happy Valentine's Day".  I put my name on it, her name on the envelope, and put it in my brief case where she wouldn't find it.  The plan was to have it there, just in case she gave me one.

This morning, I thought I was home free.  No card waiting for me when I got up.  But about eleven, she gave me a card.  It was a funny one, not mushy.  I'm sure she knew she would be pushing it with a mushy one.  I took the card out of my brief case and gave it to her.  The first thing she said when she looked at it was "Awww...the leaves look like little hearts."  Ugh.  Well, I tried.

So, hopefully this is over.  If there is a God in Heaven, I won't have to face another anniversary or Valentine's Day with her.  There's still a chance of aftershocks from such an impersonal card, so I'm still on pins and needles here, but I actually welcome any confrontation that comes up.  It'll be okay, unless she turns on the tears, which are her weapon of choice.

Happy VD everyone!!
by 2much42long  3031 Posts 

Posted on 2/14/2009 11:28 AM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
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Tags: valentine's day , stress
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Comments for "Valentine's Day"  (11) (You must be logged in to answer)
Happy Belated Valentines Day my friend!!!
As always, you handled it very well.
Miss you much. I will email you soon.
Angie
by asim   775 Posts
Posted on 2/16/2009 4:25 PM
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You can not let it eat you up inside, it will in turn,  make you into someone who you are not......  Then my friend, you will need a Doctor of your own......years of trying to trust, and knowing this is not what a relationship is........  Keep in mind, you are still young, you can still Love & be HAPPY, wether it is alone, or with someone else!!!!!!!      Good luck to you......
by Kimmie41   81 Posts
Posted on 2/15/2009 8:53 AM
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I don't cry.  I just take all the anger and resentment and push it down.  (Yeah, I know that'll kill me.)  I don't think she even recognizes the fact that she's hurting me.  I've tried to communicate with her.  I've bought books for her to read.  (She reads a lot.)  She refused to read them.  We've been to two different counselors.  If I ever try to tell her that I'm anything less than happy, she starts crying and telling me how inadequate she is, and how I should just abandon her.  According to our counselor, it's big-time emotional abuse.  So I just don't say anything most of the time.  I just write it in my journal.  (I recently consolidated my journal.  I'm up to 242 pages.  And that's only the stuff that I can't keep inside.)

Today turned out not too bad.  No fallout from the card, at least not yet.  She'll forget about it by tomorrow.  Just a lot of tension.  Tomorrow will be better.  Thanks for asking, Kimmie.
by 2much42long   3031 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 10:13 PM
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Well, I really do not know how to respond to that......How does she react when she hurts you,  and makes you cry? How do you feel when she hurts you over and over again?  She will be very sad for awhile, you will need to be there for her, to make her understand that this is what is best for you both.  It will be hard on everyone, she is all you have known....Ask yourself, do you want to feel loved in your life time or not? Do you want the closeness of a man and woman or not?  Do you want to be happy for once in your life or not?  I have to say, if one of your children,  are telling you to leave their Mother, there is a big problem that only you can fix....MR.2MUCH42LONG,  I think you know the answer, it is in you nick name.....  How was your day today?TTYL Remember to always LOL  Where are you from?
by Kimmie41   81 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 8:26 PM
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How sad.....it reminds me of previous Valentines........not even a card....
by vlady   2123 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 4:06 PM
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She says that she loves me.  Her words say she does.  But her actions, all of them, say very much the opposite.  You simply cannot love someone and treat them the way she treats me.  I have volumes of journals to attest to that.

I study everything...everything.  I'm one of those sponges who has a deep need to understand the world.  I've studied her for over 30 years.  What has been very clear is that she is very insecure.  Security is her #1 emotional need...physical, emotional, financial...all kinds of security.  I've been that security for her.  I'm stable, kind, patient, and a good provider.  Although she has said in counseling that she is strong and can stand on her own two feet, I think she's afraid of losing the security that I have been for her.  Our counselor thinks the same.

But she's short-sighted.  She doesn't look ahead.  She's more interested in ignoring the problem, and hanging on to her security for one more day, than she is in moving forward and making a sustainable life for herself.

If I ever broach the subject, and confront her, she just starts crying, because she knows that I can't handle that and it will shut me up.  Then she goes back into denial and pretends nothing is wrong.  It's really terribly sad.
by 2much42long   3031 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 3:48 PM
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You made my day Sir... Happy Vday to you to!!   You are sooo funny. That was me last years, even tho we were still together, it was like that for Bdays Anav, you name it, FATHERS day was the hardest for me....They do not make cards for ASSHOLE Fathers.....sorry I had to say that...My BAD....  MR 2M42LONG, I have to ask you, does she still love you? If not, why won't she let you leave?
by Kimmie41   81 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 3:27 PM
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MP...Believe me, I tried to leave two years ago.  I told her I wanted to separate.  I felt it would be better for all of us.  But we sat with our counselor, and she asked me to make a "deal", whereby I would stay until #2 son graduates from high school, and she would make life livable for me.  She hasn't held up her end, but I'm going to honor my part of the deal.  I have too much integrity not to.  So, when the time comes, she's going to be all alone, but it was her choice.  I really feel bad for her.
by 2much42long   3031 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 3:22 PM
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You know, from a woman's point of view. I am glad my stbx didn't wait until my kids were out of the house. That gave me something to pull myself together for. Granted, that is only my point of view but I just read your story and thought I would point out a different perspective. Hope you get through the rest of the day ok, with no more surprises.
by militaryp   2952 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 1:44 PM
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Wow. I can't believe you were actually able to find a NON mushy card. Happy VD to you too :)
by bear1821   1288 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 1:43 PM
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Happy Valentine's Day 2much! I hope you don't receive any aftershocks!  ; )
by kdb   3175 Posts
Posted on 2/14/2009 12:43 PM
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