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Are You Really Ready for a New Relationship?

After getting divorced, many people delude themselves by thinking they need to jump into a new relationship right away. The pain from the divorce can be overwhelming and finding a new love becomes a distraction and way to feel good again. But the reality is you may not be ready for a new relationship after your divorce just yet.

Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself to determine if it is wise for you to get back into the dating scene and meet someone new:

1. Have you properly mourned the end of your marriage? The grieving process for getting over a divorce can take years, so I am not suggesting that you put your life on hold and not date, but it is important that you have least begun the process and are in the latter stages of grief. It is unfair to a new mate to begin a relationship if you have not emotionally let go of the previous one.

2. Are you ready to invest time and energy in a new relationship? The time period after a divorce can be a wonderful opportunity to be selfish and fulfill some of your own needs. Without a husband to worry about, you are free to make your own choices. You can call your own shots and enjoy your new found freedom. This may grow old after a while and you may find yourself longing for companionship. However, if you enter into a new relationship too quickly after a divorce without giving yourself some "alone time" you may regret it later.

3. Are you happy with your life as it is now? If you are looking for someone to ease your pain, rescue you and make your life better, you are in for a rude awakening. Get your own life settled and in order before bringing someone else into it. Find a new love when you are happy and fulfilled and that person will be a welcome addition in your life, not someone you desperately need to make you happy.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce..

by Christina-Rowe 298 Posts

Posted on 2/13/2009 12:17 AM

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Tags: new relationship , dating after divorce , dating , christina rowe

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Comments for "Are You Really Ready for a New Relationship?" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

I had an appt. today with the therapist. I asked her the same thing..when? I want a date...in a nutshell there NO date,.....time,...maybe 6 months or a year.........I HATE HIM...I am NOT ready......lol

by vlady 2123 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2009 5:37 PM

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Good advice. It could be really easy to jump back into a relationship. But I know that I wouldn't be doing myself, or the guy, any favors. I have never been single my whole adult life. This is all new territory for me. I intend to explore and learn. I need to cut ties with stbx, which will take some time. For once I want to soley think about myself and what I want for awhile. I want to form new friendships and become confident in myself again. I think then, I will be ready to invest in a relationship. I will know the man will be getting the whole me, not just a part of me. The timeline is unknown, but I'm sure it's different for everyone. With me - these three months have felt like 3 years - so I know it's going to be awhile. Thanks for the post.

by bear1821 1288 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2009 7:49 AM

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Your advice is very good.
There has been a few times that I thought I was ready and then I snap back to reality and know that I am not ready for a relationship it would not be fair to me or to him to jump into something that I am not really ready for.
I am willing to maybe go out and meet people but that is about it.
You do need time to grieve the loss of your marriage and it took me some time to realize that and I have greived it for some time now but not enough to be with someone completely.
I feel also that when you jump into something when you have not healed your self is just going to blow up on you down the road and is that really fair for who you are with now to be hurt by your actions.
It takes time to get to know who you are before you venture down that road again.

by lovinglife 36 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2009 7:29 AM

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I'm with Milly on this...there's no set timeline, but I agree with your overall message. For me, I'm definitely not ready to enter into a "relationship" with anyone. But I *am* ready to get out there and explore, make new friends, and if something physical comes up, I won't turn it down, but I am just not ready to invest in an emotional relationship with anyone...it's just too soon. It isn't fair to them, but if they can handle being a friend or want my company, then I'm willing to enjoy it. But if they're on the hunt for "Mr. Right," then it would be time for me to say goodbye...I'm just not ready for any type of commitment at this point and I'm not looking for one.

But, the answer isn't staying clammed up in my house anymore, either. So, yeah, I will be enjoying my freedom and some alone time...but I also think that getting out there and at least meeting new people will be good for me.

by BlueB 2982 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2009 7:19 AM

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I know that if you don't take time to mourn the loss of your marriage, jumping into another relationship with someone new can throw a wrench in things because at some point, you will mourn that loss and it can affect the new relationship.

by deborah-trevino 1099 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2009 7:19 AM

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I like your advice on this one. I agree that you have to have done your fair share of healing. I don't know about the timeline, I think that is different for everyone. I know that I was talking to a widow online and that helped me to get over wondering what the stbx was doing. It helped me get to the point I didn't care anymore what he was doing with the girlfriend. I believe I needed that. It made me feel attractive, it made me feel that someone could actually want me in their life. The widow and I are not talking often anymore. That is ok. I believe he was brought into my life at a time when I needed him. He was part of my healing process. I am grateful for that.

by militaryp 2952 Posts
Posted on 2/13/2009 6:42 AM

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