Where does the marriage fall apart? 

Stevenatmrc suggested that I post this. I wrote this in response to his last blog.

Where Does the Marriage Fall Apart?  

Years ago, I came up with a solution to finding the perfect spouse. Please note, I do not recommend this now, but some points should apply. I stated that in school, there was always that member of the opposite sex you were friends with. You picked at one another, insulted one another (in a humorous way), but you shared personal things with each other and nothing seemed to deter your friendship. You had no lofty expectations but seemed you were content around one another. This is who I said you should marry as you know from the start what you are getting. I believed that many people go into a marriage, she thinking he is Prince Charming, and he thinking she is Cinderella. None of us can live up to the expectations the other has. We are not going to end all their woes, or fulfill all their dreams. This may be so at the beginning, but after time, the real "us" comes forth. As they say, "The honeymoon is over." I think a successful marriage is determined at the beginning, with planning, and follow through by both members of the marriage. I know, especially when kids come along, the best plans can fall apart. But, the commitment doesn't have to. If both are committed to the marriage, it can be successful. Commitment means seeking help as needed, even if this is not in your nature. I think television is one of the worst enemies of marriage. It causes us to question is my spouse pretty/handsome enough? Does my partner fulfill my desires, or make enough money, or act perfect like what I see on tv? Magazines convince us what a perfect man and woman should look like. If they are so perfect, why do they airbrush the pics? Why do the most glamorous in Hollywood get divorced? We get sold a deceitful bill of goods.   Many believe the kids come first. As parents, a team, a combined effort, yes; Individually, no. From my observation, many times the wife becomes mother and her role as wife takes a back seat. It is during this time, the husband accepts the children’s needs and is content to be placed on the back burner. After some time, the roles are no longer husband and wife, but mom and dad. The romance is gone. That closeness and feeling of euphoria is no longer. Everything has been about the kids and there is a need to fall in love again. The problem is, neither are that young, sexy person they use to be. Maybe, each has forgotten what attracted them to the other in the first place. The cure is to always make time for the spouse. Their needs are just as important as are the kids. I had a friend some years ago. He was in his sixties, but always referred to his wife as his bride. She was the only wife he ever had, and he never lost sight of she was the woman he loved. She had never forgotten that he was her husband. I always wanted a marriage like that. I will never forget my ex telling me her family (parents and siblings) came before me. That was maybe 3 years into our marriage. It let me know how important I was to her. Maybe I should have filed for divorce then. I still loved her and tried because I was committed. Maybe she never left the marriage, because she was never really in the marriage to begin with. I will close with this. Never forget that your husband/wife is still your husband/wife. Nothing should change that, not even the kids.