Her Text Message 

Just out of curiosity how long was the affair,  how long have you been divorced and how long did she live with him?

I would just tell her up front, I only want to know the part that has any affect on our children, anything else having to do with your relationship I don't care to know, it has nothing to do with me.

Listen because of the kids but be aware that she may be angling to come back if she found out the grass wasn't greener. Just be prepared.

Personally if/when I divorce my #1 goal will be to have as little contact as possible and hopefully none regardless of how she feels or what her decisions bring her way.  I had months of lies and deceit and bent over backwards to make it work.  People who see the grass greener on the other side refuse to consider anyone but themselves when things "appear" to be good for them and their selfishness.  When plan A doesn't work they want plan B to fall back on.  I think all this does is enable the very behavior that brought on all the pain to begin with.  I may sound bitter but have really gotten past it but I refuse to expose myself to that pain again.  Life is too short. 

I am a hope for the best and plan for the worst type of person and I really do have an optimistic view on life or I wouldn't have survived my situation.  You really have to ask yourself are you willing to open yourself to repeat the pain?

Nothing wrong with listening and showing some compassion as long as you don't get fooled agian.....

I think you have to listen, because of your children, but I would be careful not to open my heart to her.  It's hard to know how much sway a person has with you until you have to deal with them again.  Sometimes, no matter how intellectually we understand  that they betrayed us horibbly, our heart still skips a beat when we deal with the ex.  I found this out when my stbx showed up at church and passed me a note that he was concerned about.  That concern lasted long enough for him to shed a few tears (biggest faker in the world) and then, of course, he returned home...with his girlfriend/mistress!  Those claws are always there, trying to dig in to fresh heart flesh!!!!  Be careful!!!  Take care of yourself.