Seriously Part Deux 

I don't know if I have my head straight or not Lisa.  We're both hurting...He comes over ...more frequently...he's in a hard place as he has alot of choices to make for himself from employment, to emotions to spirtuality.  He comes by the house to see our son who is the only thing that keeps either of us grounded.  Some days we get together for coffee or lunch and it's weird but familiar.  The feelings of loss are tremendous.  I have to keep myself in check because the marriage as it was is irrevocably broken.  To fantasize of reconciliation is just that a fantasy.  How do you possibly mend a relationship that has been compromised with two affairs, emotional abuse just overall disconnect?  Because his girlfriend has broken things off and has got some other flirtation on the side he finally sees what he put me through.  He's in horrible pain and heartbreak.  He's disllusioned.  He looks into my eyes and cries about how he's so sorry that he put me through it twice.  I know he is sorry and feel his remorse.  He understands all that he lost.  Getting back to together would never be but I definitely have to establish a new normal because of our coparenting responsibilities.  I guess what I'm saying is that I have alot of emotions...and trouble understanding the flurry.  I am being kind and compassionate but sometimes that hurt creeps up in surprise again and I find myself crying and I can't find the words to describe why or what.

You are doing the right thing.  Show some compassion, but remember....ALL this was by HIS choice.  He moved on....and has found out life is not that great on the other side of the fence.  Once he heals, he will rebound with someone else.  Just don't let him burn you again by getting to chummy while he is feeling down right now.

You have to remember he left you.  Whatever he is going through now is his problem.  Be there for issues with your son but for everything else he must have friends and family.  He is coming to you because he knows your vunerable and knows you understand what he is going through remember though he is the one that put you through this to start with.  When you were hurting  he was not there for you.  His apartment is lonely, well you were lonely too.  Let him work through this and if he still comes back after he has gotten over this break up with the OW then maybe, if you will even consider it but remember right now he is on the rebound.  From not just one but two breakups.  So be very careful with yourself.

HI Greener -

Hang in there.  You are right.  This is the most dangerous time for you.  You have your head on straight.  You can be kind and show empathy if that is what you feel because you are being true to yourself and your values.  The fact that you are showing compassion makes his realize all the more what a fool he has been.

Blessings.  I hope all works out well for you.
Best -
Lisa