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Guess the last 15 years have been a joke 

Well, took off my wedding rings tonight.  He's changed his profile on face book to no longer married.  Funny, I don't remember signing any divorce papers.  Told me he's not coming back and even if he wanted to he wouldn't because he thinks I'd never trust him.  Again, guess he doesn't really know me after all.  No, I wouldn't trust him right away, but I could build it back.  But now, I just want his stuff gone from my house.  Says he doesn't want to give me false hope but his stuff is still here so what am I supposed to feel?  Friends have talked to him and now he's even more pissed.  So, I give up.  Gonna download and fill out separation papers tomorrow and present them to him.  He can do with them what he will, but I'm tired of hurting.  Guess the last 15 years of my life have been one big joke to him.  He claims no, but he sure as hell fooled me, our families, our children, and our friends because NO ONE saw this coming.  Not even his best friend.  Must be nice to wake up and turn your emotions off.  Claims that he's had these feelings off and on for a few years, but didn't want to tell me for fear I'd leave him.  Huh.  How ironic that he leave me instead.
by bluedgragon  21 Posts 

Posted on 11/7/2009 11:09 PM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Comments for "Guess the last 15 years have been a joke"  (5) (You must be logged in to answer)
I don't think the last 15 yrs was a joke to either one of you.  You made a family and I'm sure there was genuine love at some point in the marriage.

Do you think he's going thru a mid-life crisis?   If you all got together in your early 20's and now he's looking at 40 and realizing he hasn't "played the field" or feels like he's about to be the old guy at the club he may be "confused" about 'surrendering' his life as it is or going back to his youthful, carefree 20's.

Just ask him point blank if he's seeing anyone or interested in dating again.   And that you need to hear the truth to help you move on.
by lifeinpurgatory   1830 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2009 11:04 AM
0



Bluedragon,

Don't feel alone for there is another woman in VA going thru the same emotions..me.  My stbx has a girlfriend (she is also married) so I know the reasons why, but I do not know him anymore.  The pain is real..no one, not his friends, family, children or you know why, will knowing  make the pain less?  I know the reason why...I told our families, friends and children, he got mad that I did, they were shocked.  Did that make the pain less, the knowing, no, it did not.  They don't know him anymore either.

Do not do anything out of anger, takes Lisa's advice and see an atty before you sign and present anything to him.

Take care of you and your children.  I am here for you and understand.  Not that it is any comfort but, I feel better today then when I first found out. 

Keep posting...I have found a great group of friends here at 360 and so have you :)  We care!
by Joyful   237 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2009 7:37 AM
0



The last 15 years weren't a joke. He probably did love you. It sounds like he has his own problems. I doubt he's confused. That's what he told you in case he moved out and then wanted to come back. It was his escape clause. My guess? He's found someone else. I hope not, it sucks, but the pattern fits.
That man you met and married doesn't exist any more. The one who now lives in his skin is an idiot. 
It's incredibly difficult. We are here and we care. We've been where you are. We survived and so will you.
by bluebird   1157 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2009 7:23 AM
0



Hi BlueDragon -

Please make sure you get some legal advice before you fill out or sign any separation papers.  Make sure you are protecting yourself and your kids. 

I don't know alot about legal stuff but I do know that once things are written and signed it is harder to make changes.  Please take the time to have a consultation with an attorney.  When my son's Dad and I filled out the separation papers they covered all the issues, child support, real estate, visitation, custody, retirement accounts, debt, savings, pension, etc. That's a lot of stuff.  You want to get it right the first time, right?  Usually the first consultation with an attorney is free.  Don't shoot yoursef in the foot, okay?

Best -
Lisa
by Lisa Cannon   
Posted on 11/8/2009 3:38 AM
0



He is a very confused man.  You can be happy to be rid of him, hopefully you can see an attorney to secure something for 15 years of marriage.  You will be ok in time.  Change is the law of life, and sometimes change is good.  You need love, security and excitement to be happy.  This man cannot deliver, changing his profile on facebook only confirms his insecurity in himself.  Just relax, and know that all will be fine.  You will have a hard period of time, but it will end.  The difficulties you have, strengthen the mind as labour does the body.  Whatever you may think, I think you come out of this a winner.
by kevinwo   733 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2009 1:54 AM
0





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