Devils and Rhinoceroses 

This past October 31st I attended a Halloween/Birthday party at my parents’ house. The scary occasion? My dad turned 66, mwah ha ha ha!  

When I got to the party my brother and his family were already there. My adorable and amazing 5 year old niece came to greet me. She was dressed in a pink leotard and tutu with pretty sparkly barrettes in her hair. I commented on how pretty she looked and if she was a ballerina for Halloween. She proudly responded in the affirmative. Then she asked me what I was. I pointed to the devil horns on my head and asked her “What are these?”, “horns,” she said. I pointed to my top and asked her “what color is this?”, “red,” she said. Then I asked her what she thought I was, she responded “a rhinoceros!” We all laughed, it was pretty funny. The rest of the party was spent getting my sister-in-law looped on pumpkin martinis and playing with my nieces and nephew. Unfortunately the party eventually ended and we all had to go home. On her way out my niece came to give me a hug and shouted “bye rhinoceros!”  

The party was fun, but something significant happened. All my life I’ve said I didn’t want to have kids. But since my separation and now the pending finale of my divorce I’ve been noticing pregnant women or girls my age with cute toddlers tagging after them. And finally an afternoon of playing ‘startrek’ with my ballerina nice and tickling my nephew’s ‘drumsticks’. I’m realizing, now that I’m no longer responsible for the happiness of a huge adult baby, that maybe I’m ready to welcome children into my life.  

Something else happened, I started looking for – and finding – jobs out of state. Perfect, ‘tailored to me’ jobs! I’m not saying I’m going to run right out, get pregnant and start a new job in a different state. But I feel like somebody’s taken the lid off the box and let me out. In the last couple days I just realized that the possibilities are endless. What an awesome feeling!