Almost A Year 

Well, it's been almost a year since I've been divorced.  And, it's been a crazy ride.  I've learned a lot about myself in this past year.  I've grown tremendously.  I'm not the same person I was back then.  I look back and think- "Wow, was that me?"  I still have the occassional setback, but I don't get that sinking feeling everytime I have to be around my ex or his family.  In fact, I had to call to let the kids know my mom was running late to pick them up this evening and he answered their phone.  He actually sounded like the man I had once loved.  Amazing!

The biggest discovery I have made about myself is that I CAN SURVIVE!  I'm going to make it.  I'm much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.  I need others to lean on, but the majority of the work has been done by me.  Yeah, that feels fantastic.

Another thing I've discovered is, I don't need a man to make me feel complete.  I don't even need one to make me feel happy or special.  I complete myself.  If I ever get involved with someone again, I want that person to complement me, not somehow "make me whole."  I don't need the approval of someone else to know I'm worthy.  I've been very content these past few months not dating anyone.  I know I was very vulnerable when this all shook out, looking for a fix.  But, now that I've been without for awhile, I feel just fine.  In fact, one day, I was talking to my daughter about the house I'd love to have when I can afford it.  I said I want a three car garage because I plan on having two vehicles and I need one part for each car, plus a section for my tools (yes, I LOVE tools).  Se looked at me and said- "What about your husband?"  I said- "Who said I'm gonna get married again?"  She looked at me and said- "You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life, do you?"  And, I had to explain to her that just because I'm not married that doesn't mean I'm lonely, nor will it mean I won't have companionship. 

I've learned that I will have setbacks for some time.  Every once in awhile, I hear a song that brings back my tears.  Or sometimes even my anger.  I bought the new Daughtry CD a couple of months ago and heard a song that made me think- "Yeah, that's exactly what you do, you no good....."  And, I realized that I still have some anger.  I think more of my anger is directed at the fact that he never would face head on this true problems in our marriage and chose instead to bury his head in the sand.  Ah, well, at this point it doesn't matter.  It's over, it's done, it's time to move on. 

I've learned that I will not settle for whatever comes along, because I know there is a world out there waiting for me to discover it.  I talk to people everywhere because I enjoy it and I don't get the eye roll that says- "Do you have to talk to everyone?"  Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.  I'm a Gemini, it's part of my makeup.  I was eating lunch one day when the manager came up to me and asked me if the drink he made was too strong.  I told him that no, it was perfect, the day had been stressful, Serbia had declared war on Austria-Hungary...  He looked at me and I explained that it was part of a simulation I had been working on for my World War 1 class.  We got to talking and it turned out that he has his degree in history also.  We talked for close to 30 minutes and I gave him my number.  It was so awesome talking to someone with the same interests!  WOW!  You mean the whole world doesn't revolve around taking photos?  OMG! 

I've learned that divorce doesn't mean the end of the world, just the end of a relationship.  I still have my kids.  I still talk to my sister in law.  I still have many of the same friends.  I'm still smart and fun loving....

I'm looking ahead to what this life has around the next corner for me.....  Hope to see you guys there.....