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Seriously?

A few days ago the STBX and I had a conversation....a big thing because I've barely been able to acknowledge him because of my anger. He's been going through alot....(see previous blogs) anyhow...I'm his only "family" basically the only person out there that he trusts to be himself, to vulnerable because he's too busy being "on" when around his girlfriend. A couple of weeks ago the girlfriend said that she doesn't have time for a relationship....has to cool things off and is ignoring his texts, emails, IMs...etc. She is getting involved in someone else online apparently. The STBX feels compelled to confide in me. SERIOUSLY? I'm sitting there quiet, listening thinking WHAT? I'm in such a state of appall that I don't know what to say. He says he thought she was the one, the one to save him from himself. Didn't I see this coming down the pike? I had to stop him....I cannot be that source for you. I can't sit here and "nurse" your broken heart. I feel disconnected from the moments like I'm watching a movie about the train wreck of his life. I thought I was the mess...WOW! I'm not even close....

by greenerpastures 40 Posts

Posted on 11/5/2009 12:40 AM

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Comments for "Seriously?" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

I am glad you know where to set that limit for yourself. I honestly don't think my STBX and I will have another conversation for awhile if ever. Which is fine after 4 months of off an on I need some peace and quiet. I like that you let go of your anger because it wasn't conductive to making you feel better and move on. That is pretty much where I am at its no longer useful or good for me to be angry what is happening is happening and its time to start thinking about my future on my own!

by stperry 169 Posts
Posted on 11/5/2009 5:48 PM

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I decided to let go of my righteous indignation. It wasn't me and it wasn't me operating as my higher self. So...I reached out and said, that I need to let go of my anger because it wasn't helping me or us raise our kid. Anger bothered me for weeks, months and I hated it being my companion. I made a decision to do it for me. I made a decision to be brave and let myself let go and it felt so true. Now, having the opportunity to have a conversation with my STBX is possible and I can set a boundary for myself to say..I don't feel comfortable talking to you about this that or the other thing. The decision made me proud of myself. It felt good to just be.

by greenerpastures 40 Posts
Posted on 11/5/2009 2:56 PM

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Good for you. Can you believe the balls on your ex? My God to expect you to nurse him and help him through the break up of the relationship that ended your marriage? If my ex did that to me, I'd honestly laugh in his face. Are you kidding me? You have a lot more self restraint than I do. I can't believe he would honestly do that - come to you to tell you all about this. I sure hope to hell when my ex finally figures out this skank he is with is a nightmare he doesn't expect to come and talk to me about it cuz I'll honestly slam the door in his face, but first probably laugh in his face. Good for you.

by JFox624 149 Posts
Posted on 11/5/2009 11:04 AM

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I know how you feel having that conversation your not really wanting to have because of your feelings. Mine was illuminating because I realize I may be upset but I am moving along healing. I realized mh STBX isn't dealing and is just going out drinking, an dating and what have you. What i have gone through in the last few months is a process. I have no idea what he is going through or doing but I don't care if this hard for him, or about anything else. You see he told me he has all these great new friends so those new friends need to be there to see him through this because its not my job to do it anymore.

Its not your place to care and ensure he gets through things anymore. You need to let him know that you care but not that way and you are not comfortable talking about those things. That you are not that sort of friend. It will be far better for you and for him in the long run.

by stperry 169 Posts
Posted on 11/5/2009 8:33 AM

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Lisa Cannon
Divorce Coach
571 Posts

Hi Greener -

Congrats!! You are being blessed to have your eyes opened to the reality of the situation. I am so glad this happened for you. I applaud you for being able to set an effective boundary and say no... I can't do this. I am so proud of you.

I hope everyone on this site gets a chance to read your post. It is illumination to finally see the truth right before your eyes.

Again, my congrats to you.
Keep going in your pursuit of recovery, as you see, you won't be sorry.

Best -
Lisa

view profile

by Lisa Cannon
Posted on 11/5/2009 2:10 AM

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