Been talking to my wife (Who says hang overs only happen from drinking to much?) 

The lines of communications between my wife and me have opened up a lot over the last few weeks. More now than in the entire 15 years of our relationship. First impressions would be that this is a good thing that can lead to the salvation of our marriage. First impressions might be.

The communications centers around our daughter mostly. Her needs and wants, what’s good and bad to do, the whole parenting thing. Our communications are primarily about our daughter because I no longer have anything else really to say or talk to my wife about. First everything that has already been said and done, what’s really left between us to talk about other than J? Saving our marriage? That is not going to happen so why talk about it.

My wife said I have changed and she doesn’t know who I am anymore. She’s right on the whole thing. I am not the same person I was once and no, she has no clue to who I am anymore. The person I was is long dead and I am anew, the Phoenix effect. What the fuck does she expect of me? She created hell in the place our lives once stood and I was forced to survive it without killing myself. Hello, of course I have changed. And her not knowing who I am only keeps me safe from who she is. She can never again fine a target on me to shoot me down ever again. She can never hurt me again cause she no longer has a clue how. Welcome to fucking change.

My wife also asked me if I would ever lover her again as my wife? It’s a honest question I will admit. I gave her a honest answer. Did you love me as my wife when you where having sex with another guy while I was at work all those times? Can’t love you as a wife if you didn’t love me as a wife, can I? No. No I can never love her as my wife again cause she destroyed who I was as a husband to her when she took my trust in her and used it to fuck another guy.

I’m not keen on talking to my wife anymore, mostly because I have no desire for her anymore. I try to keep our conversations down to only about our daughter, but shit happens. Other things come up and I try not to be rude about them. She needs to let me go and move on with her life so we can just divorce each other without battles that will put J in the middle of mommy and daddy. She needs to, but she won’t. She has never made life simple. Like a fucking spider web that you can’t get to leave you alone once it’s clung to you.

Well, just one more thing in life. Hell, at least we are not actually yelling at each other. Positive in every negative as I’ve heard.

(A wife. A husband. A Real Wife, A Real Husband, A real Person... Never fucking cheats on their partner! You have two hands to hold on to '1' person, not 1 in each hand.)