Help needed 

I have been married to my husband for 28 years.  He has never done anything to deserve my wanting to divorce him.  By all accounts I am the bad guy here. I had an affair 2 years ago which he forgave me for.  I used our credit cards to rack up alot of bills buying things for us, helping our son when he was in college with financial issues and paying to fix up a motorhome we bought used that needed ALT of work, we actually bought it twice!  we were separated 2 years ago when he lost his job and relocated to another town an hour and 1/2 away.   he convinced me after being here a year to relocate.  sold our home of 22 years and quit my job of 16 yrs.  after moving here in November of 07 he lost his job here in Feb 08. we now have a home we cannot afford, stuck here with no friends and no family and no life since this is a very small town with nothing to offer.  i hate it here and over the past two years have come to resent him for where we are not. i want to go home to friends, family and fun.  he is happy to just sit at home and stay here and i do not want to. i want a life and feel we no longer want the same things. that motorhome that i dealy loved to go camping in has sat idle for 2 years now and is pretty much fallen apar tbecause he did not want to go out in it.  my greatest fear is the hurt it will cause him and that our son who is now 31 and completely on his dads side about everything will be so mad he will not let me continue to see my grandchildren which are the love of my life. I am so unhappy i have wished i would get a fatal disease just to get out of this live.