I feel so lost and hopeless. I am back at the house with my lying and cheating husband. Why? Because I have no where else to go. I have family but who is honestly willing to take in an unemplyed woman with 4 young children and absolutely no income duri 

Listen, since you have to be there right now, bide your time. Bide your time and use it wisely. You have access to his money and accounts, you begin to secretly stash away what you can. Move around money from savings or 401K whatever--THAT HE WON"T NOTICE. Start looking in to where you will move when you can afford to leave. How much will it cost, where will the kids go to school etc... How much will you need each month minimum to get by etc... All those things you can have planned out and be aware of Before you move out. Plan, Plan, Plan.

Seals99 my financial situation is the biggest reason that I am back... I know that support is not guaranteed our child support system is a joke. But also because I know that currently his income cannot support two households. With me remaining in the home I still have some say over how his money is spent ensuring that mthe kids and home is taken care of before he is able to hit the streets. What's funny is that if I was a heartless woman I could take everything he had and leave before he gets home frm wk and go ghost. But I'm not that way, I do believe in Karma. Again thank you for encouraging words and advice

I remember when I was little, my mom had to take us (four kids) to live with my grandparents and uncle after her divorce for almost 3-4 years....boy, it was so hard living under someone's else roof. I am still grateful for my uncle and grandparent's help and I always remember that. But it was still difficult. The look, how they were treating you different than my cousin...

But one thing I learned is I love my mom dearly...what she have put up and how hard she hard worked (17hrs+ a day, 7 days a week, in the kitchen) so that we can grow up, finish unversity, and get a decent job.

Do it for your kids...later when they are teenagers, they may have a potty mouth, they may be rebellious, they may say hurtful things, but deep down we still love you.

Not knowing your financial situation I would not be so quick to move out. It sucks but you have to look at the money issue. If you move out and he starts spending money on girlfriend, you and kids lose. As painfully obvious on site, once out of house getting support not guaranteed. Treat relationship like business. Not saying best thing for your emotions but unless you have someone willing to pay your rent, it is not easy making a break with four kids. We had five kids and I stayed until she got teacher cert and was making money. Get the attorney info but more important is a financial counselor

Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement and advise. As all have said I truely hope that brighter days are ahead but currently all I see are thick gray clouds that seem unlikely to clear anytime soon. I"m trying to ignore him and our current situation by focusing in more on the kids and my classes until I am able to change my situation.

The way we handle our problems define who we are.  You are priceless.  Donot think otherwise.  Keep your kids out of the know for as long as you can.  It's not right to put your problems on them.  See an attorney as you need advice.  DO IT, they will allow years to be paid back.  This will ensure your guy will commit money to you so you can continue to be a fulltime mom.  You must accept any help from relatives for about 2 months.  You can do this, you know that you can.

You and your kids especially, need love, security and good excitement to prosper.  Your home environment is toxic, you must be the strong one to improve matters.  Look after your health, keep busy and think positive.  Keep your kids in good shape and get your family in order.  You can do this.

Difficulties strengthen the mind as labour does the body.  So I know that you are strong to have lived with this guy.  In time, you will be fine.  You have grounds for divorce, and I see no problem with the courts.  Our life is what our thoughts make it.  We always ask for the impossible, end up with the best possible, and you are not even getting that!!   So you must take charge.  Be decisive and start, by starting.  The quality of life for you and your kids is most important.  If you choose to do nothing, things will only get worse.  Start by starting.

Oh honey.  I feel for you.  My husband is a lying cheat too.  You'll find you have a lot of company on this site and a lot of support too.  Don't let his treatment of you make you feel bad.  That's how they keep stringing us along, by making us feel worthless.  It says more about his worth than about yours.  He doesn't deserve you. 

Don't leave the house.  Don't leave the kids.  Talk to a lawyer.  Get that divorce paperwork started and don't look back. 

I made the mistake of staying with my lying cheat waaaayyyy too long and now I regret it.  They say it's easier to start your life over at 33 than at 43 and easier at 43 than at 53.  He'll be obligated to support you and the kids until you can finish your degree.  And after that he'll still be obligated to support the kids.  You have plenty of time to start over and make a better life for yourself.  

Yep, you are a mother and an example for your children. And that is one of your main purposes so remember that. When you feel like falling apart, you look at those little faces. Do not tolerate the cheating. So you are unemployed? What about child support. And there has to be a place for you, or make him get out. You get the house becuase you have the four kids. There has to be an answer and things will look brighter tomorrow. I know it is hard to believe that but anyone who cheats on you doesn't deserve you. You are too good for someone who cheats on you, just like I am waaayyy too good for my ex. He cheated on me and never appreciated a damn thing I did for him in 23 years together and now he is getting a wakeup call. I hope it continues and rings his bell. So hang in there honey - better days are coming.

Look I know it is hard and all that but that clown cheated on you. That clown has no respect for you. That clown you are married to does not love you otherwise he wouldn't dare treat the mother of his children and his wife in such a way. You have been staying at home taking care of his children probably washing his dirty clothes and all the other things that go along with home. I say pack your bags go find an apartment go down to social services and they will help you. You can find a job. Not  necessarily what you want but you are going to introduce him to two new concepts in marriage and that is child support. Yep he is getting to lose around 40-50% of his income and the second word is spousal support. Trust me he will hold a great deal of respect after all these things happen. It is going to take time but it will happen. Give him some cheese with that wine and you go on rearing your children in the way you ought to. It is funny how folks wouldn't dare considering helping folks out in this kind of situation unless their spouse  kicks their ass out. It is queer how the ones who ask for mercy are never the ones who want to give it out.

Take heart woman! Most of us have been where you are, not necessarily because of the same circumstances but similar. I have a wife who turns into a frantic lunatic whenever she takes a drink. My only option is to call the police when she decides to get crazy and all they do is put her in jail and charge her. Next day she's back with a vengeance. I have to stay or I'll loose the house. I can't wait for the divorce to go through but in the mean time, I feel like I could die some days from loneliness. Good thing you found this website, there are incredible people here who will help you get through this low point. Just remember, this is only for a time and then it will pass. Keep smiling :)

Actually, you have a very huge purpose and a very very important one.  That is being a mother to your 4 children.  Their well-being will depend on you and I don't mean just physically, I mean developing into well-rounded human beings.

Since you are back there you should figure out what you like to do.  Find out what you need to do to get that type of job and work towards that.   Figure out daycare, etc.  so that when you move out it can be a smooth transition.

Best of luck.