What do I do about the ow? 

Tell her that if she wants a man with no xwife and children she needs to keep looking. 

Obviously she is threatened by you.  No wonder.  Because a man who cheats on his wife will soon be cheating on his mistress.

I don't know why but my x husband's mistresses and GFs always seem to want to write me letters, emails, call, etc.   One even came to my office and followed me around for awhile. 

I just finished posting most of the letters and emails in a blog.  They are going to love that.

The most recent GF even sent emails to our daughter.

That has happened to me before, and the best thing you can do is ignore that insecure woman.  Nothing bothers people more than to be ignored.  Seems like she is getting a taste of her own medicine and isn't liking it one bit.  What goes through these women's minds?? They cheat with a married man and then expect them to be faithful to them.  That woman and those like her will never have peace of mind,, always having to track what the man in their lives is doing.  Pathetic!

Thanks for all of your advise, I didnt even think about getting a restraining order.  I did talk again to my stbx, told him that i dont care who he has a relationship with, but it will effect the time that he spends with the children. I wont stand for that kind of a person around my kids, i think that took him back a bit, but enough is enough.  I did save all the messages just in case i need them later.  I am just goin to try to take the high road and keep her as much out of my life as i can . thank you guys.

I agree with you misu regarding with woman that interfer.  I am in the same situation wherein my ex's girlfriend intefers with our children and stalks me.  What did she think if he cheated on me and two other girlfriends prior to me she would be special.  He uses me as an excuse and what is funny is that he has very limited vistation.  She parks herself in front of my house, has called my job, filed municipal charges against whch she had no basis for and dropped. 

I judge once said to me recently that it is funny that these woman get involved with divorced men and know they have children and they have to communicate but for some reason they are intimated by this.  The judge said she hears this all the time.  If you know what you are getting yourself into then leave the ex-wife alone. 

I was advised that if you ignore it then eventually they will stop.  They only do that cause they know it gets to you.  So wave to her next time or blow kisses to her if you see her in public.  You cannot control someone but you can control how you act and/or response.

Unfortunately, you cannot file a restraining order against an ex's girlfriend which I found out.  You actually have to be related to them, or in some sort of relationship with them.  What you can do is send her a letter to cease and decease and if she does not take her to municipal court and/or file a restraining order against the ex wherein he cannot have any of his girlfriends, friends, etc harrass you, stalk you, communicate with you or he will be arrested for their actions.

Sounds like your stbx has really found someone special in this person!

I was reviewing my journal from last year, shortly after his affair and the breakup. It's so weird, how important everything was to me, who was calling whom, that sort of thing. In retrospect, it felt like high school, notes and texts and secret rendezvous, bah!

The OW is an idiot. She's actually impacting her boyfriend's divorce negatively.

I dealt with a bit of it early on, the OW called the house on the landline the morning after he'd "confessed" (I hate that expression) the affair. It was absurd, talking with some bimbo who'd decided she needed this man at all costs.

I'll always remember my ex sitting out in the toolshed talking on the phone for the entire morning with her. It was a sick, disgusting spectacle.

Ignore it. Don't answer any questions or accusations directly, save everything if you can (you might consider taking pictures of the display of your phone with a camera that had a close up lens, to keep a record of the texts) and communicate only for official business.

Say what you need to communicate, then retreat. This is now all about business; love and emotion has no place here anymore.

Let her have him, they should be perfect for each other. There's something about two people fighting over another that the one being fought over finds incredibly intoxicating. Don't play into that trap.

I think everyone is right when they say to ignore it.  I know!  The gall of someone like her calling YOU a b**** to talking to the man to whom you are still legally married and with whom you share children.  I might save copies for my attorney.  If it does continue, it is harassment.  On the bright side, sounds like your STBX is getting exactly the type of woman he deserves.

What do you know about the income of TOW and STBX? If they have a nifty income I would file a harassment suit against her with a restraining order against her. If she is so vindictive I would have her thuroughly investigated and watched for the safety of your children concerned. If not I would look into all options anyway. You certainly don't want your children suffering around a woman like that. save or send a copy of every message between you and your STBX, time and date included to your attorney. and get your attorney to earn their mony. If you have partial custody you might use this to get total physical custody with supervised visitation rights that do not include her. It is not out of vindiction I say this, I knew many families where TOW used the children against the mother and visa-versa. Think of the childrn and always put them first.

Hi Nessa -

There are certainly a great deal of opinions on this issue.  You did the right thing telling your stbx that this was happening. 

Just because he told you, "this is the way that she is, just ignore it, it will stop in a couple of days..." doesn't mean that he didn't say something to her about it.  I wouldn't assume that he just let it go with her, but he isn't going to tell you that she spoke to her about it. 

Remember, you and he will have to communicate for many years to come about the kids and stuff.  She will have no choice but to accept this as time progresses if she wants to continue to be in his life.

My guess is that she looked through his phone... a sure sign of a lack of trust...  and got jealous that he was still communicating with you, via text or any other way.  She probably doesn't have the self esteem to ask directly so she snooped his phone.  When she found the texts she probably didn't say anything to him...  what would she say, I was snooping your phone and found this?  So she attacked you. 

I would guess they had a disagreement about her snooping his phone after you told him about the texts, and he didn't want you to know.  He probably has lied to her about being in contact with you.  You already know he is a capable liar who lies to make his life easier rather than risk a confrontation over the truth.

Let it go.  Be glad you have the self esteem to handle this directly with him instead of getting into the gutter with her.

Best -
Lisa

Okay, first of all, don't TALK to him about the texts.  Forward them with a note that says, "You take care of this, or I'm getting the police involved."  It's that simple, don't let him weasel his way out of it.  He has two choices, take care of this, or get into all sorts of trouble that he doesn't want.  STAND FIRM!!  You're letting him control your actions.  How DARE he tell you what to do!!  Come on!!  This is HIS problem, and he needs to find the BALLS to deal with it!!  Even if he has to rent them!

Do not be intimidated and you will be fine. As soon as sleazy people believe they have intimindated you they will walk all over you. Personally, I'd go get the restraining order. Let your stbx deal with it. By going ahead and doing that makes it more difficult on his end. The more difficulties he has in his life the easier your life is. So don't care about what they think of you as he sure didn't think much of you before. I know that is harsh but war is hell and you are going to enjoy some of the most difficult days of your life and it is wise to lay the ground rules down on your turf not theirs.  Good Luck and God Bless

Its amazing how justified the OW feels about her adulterous relationship with a married man. she feels threatened by you and deep down inside knows that 'HE' cannot be trusted. she knows one day he'll do the same thing to her. i had a similar incident with my stbx GF whom he was carrying on with when i told him it was over. 8 months down the road i emailed him to ask for an address so i could have him served with the divorce papers and low and behold he allows his GF to respond to my email. She pretty much told me "off". "she's more of a woman than i'll ever be, more mature than i"ll i ever be (she's 17, i'm 43) and she's more intelligent than i'll ever be". it was almost laughable until i thought about how disrespectful it was for him to allow her to even say anything to me. when his mother called him to say why would you allow this girl to say anything to your wife his response was "well she called her a ......." . Yes i did call her a name about 8 months prior when i first found out she was sleeping with my husband! beyond that i've never even called the man. he kept calling me! low and behold just chalk it up to the fact that she obviously has problems, why else would she get involved with married man to begin with! If i were you i would tell him in no uncertain terms that he is to have a talk with her and make sure she never disrespects you again!!!

Oops...you posted as I was typing. It's "just the way she is", eh? At first I was thinking she was the irrational idiot. Now I think they both are! Maybe that's why they're together? ;-)

I'd do the forwarding thing anyway. If you are just supposed to ignore them, how about he having to do the same? Just seems fair to me.

And it may sound a bit vindictive, but I've always believed in the golden rule: treat others as you would have them treat you. And forwarding all her texts so he can ignore them, too, just seems to follow that rule perfectly (as applied to him).

I, for one, don't think this is something that should just be ignored.

Take care,
    The mouse that roared.

I think billie2t has the right answer. My first thought was restraining order, but forwarding each and every one to your STBX sounds like a lovely thing to do first. I gather there are a bunch of them, so I'm sure he will appreciate it when you take an hour or so and send them all at once. ;-)

And do save them; at least the "better" ones if you can't keep them all.

Let us all know how it turns out, OK?

Take care.

I have talk to my stbx about the text and he says thats just the way she is, they will stop in a couple of days when she calms down.  He just told me to ignore it.  He told me that she is just threaten but, i think that he should at least tell to stop but he wont.

If this were me, I would forward all of the texts to my stbx.  Tell him that either they stop, or you file a restraining order.  Let him deal with his little sleaze!  Keep all of the texts, forward them to your email for another copy just in case, and let him decide what your next step is. 

I forwarded emails that I got from the OW to my ex, and he was LIVID!!  He couldn't believe she would threaten me like she did.  Once I forwarded them, it stopped, and it never happened again!  I don't think they want the two women in their lives comunicating at all!

Good luck!!

You have, not just the right, but the obligation to contact your stbx about things related to the kids. Is HE aware that she's doing this?

That said, I agree that saving the text messages is a good idea. I found that with BitPim, I can save text messages on my computer, and that way I don't have to store them on my phone. It's a free program, download at http://www.bitpim.org.

Stay strong, and know you are taking the high road.

it's different based on  your phone and carrier. This may point you in the right direction:
http://www.wirefly.com/learn/how-to/how-to-block-unwanted-calls-to-your-cell-phone/

I agree with the others, it is important that you remain the mature one in this situation.  Not only is the restraining order a good idea, but be sure to somehow save and document the messages she has sent to you just in case.  Its probably guilt and her own insecurities that are causing her to act out in such as childish way.  I wish you the best : )

The way we handle our problems define who we are.  The difficulties you face strengthen the mind as labour does the body.  Learn self-reliance as it's the greatest gift to give your kids. 

I assume you have the kids with you.  Never engage conversation with the ow, only your husband.  Don't push it, if he doesn't respond, you will have your answer.  I have no sympathy for adulterers who have such young kids as you have.  You must toughen up and keep your kids out of the loop, don't trash your ex to them as they will come to their own conclusions as they age. 

You have done well, and remember that success is never a result, but a goal.  You need to keep healthy, busy and positive.  Your kids need love, security and excitement to flourish.  Donot let the ow bring you to a low level of esteem.  Your kids need a happy, stable, reliable mother that they can count on.  

I can speak from experience, I have 3 grown sons who I can brag about all week.  I want you to have that joy as well.  All the best.

I find it quite hilarious that the woman who interfered in your marriage, is now freaking out because you texted your ex regarding things with your kids.  Says a lot about the strength of THEIR relationship, no?

Thankfully the OW didn't have the balls to ever contact or even show her face to me, everything was always done either by my ex, or messages sent to me via 3rd parties who were quickly disposed of.  My advice to you - if she keeps at it, file a restraining order against her. It covers all forms of communication, including electronic and phone calls.

Good luck.