WHAT HAS HELPED YOU TO OVERCOME THE PAIN DIVORCE HAS CAUSED YOU? 

I saw the question and thought.  I'm only in the first month of the legal end of the marriage, but have been separated since May.  I think once the shock wore off about what she wanted (me gone) and I realized two important things (after therapy, self-reflection, etc.):
First, I will probably never know "why" she did this.  Second, her actions were her own, and not the fault of anything I did.  Trying to be the "stand up guy" and take responsibility for things until the very end almost ended up being the worst thing I could have done.  I realized my life was to be lived, not sacrificed.

Posting here definitely helps too.

Like you, Kevin, I'm into the 9th month since I discovered what Mr. X had hidden:  a string of affairs, additional shoddy behavior, such as cybersex and going nude on a webcam for his online women, and some behavior so shocking I won't list it (and I'm not easy to shock).  Like you, I've been to hell and back several times--depression, close enough to suicide that I don't even like to think about how close, pain like I didn't think I could endure.  Am I over it?  No, but I'm closer to the place where I can feel healed than I thought possible 9 months ago.  There are several things that have helped me and continue to help me.  First, the love and support of my family and friends.  They are still willing to listen and give me counsel, advice, a hug, and/or a shoulder to cry on when I need it.  Next, a counselor (therapist) who has given me an objective voice through all the process.  Finding a good fit with a counselor is important, but the one I have works well with me.  The added benefit is that my counselor actually met Mr. X long ago, so he can give me perspective from actually knowing Mr. X that someone who only heard my side and knew me could not give.  Then, I discovered this site.  It has been invaluable to me, especially as I discovered it about a month before the divorce was final.  During those dark days and the ones after, I've never failed to find an outstretched hand when I'd sunk back into the pit.  I hope I've extended my hand, in return, to those who've fallen into it, as well.  Finally, several weeks ago, I joined DivorceCare locally, which gives me additional support in real time to what I get here in cyberspace.  The journey I've traveled over the last several months seems long.  I know I've made tremendous progress considering all (36 years married). I know now that I can and will make it.  I'm doing that already.

I am getting close to being I think 21 mos.

All I can say kev, what got me through it were the ppl on this site.....blogging a bit but mostly reading and responding. Becuz so many were in the same boat! And I had no clue about lawyers , the court system ect...

Keep blogging and responding....I know some of us have had some problems here, but that happens everywhere. It, I believe saved my life. There were many ,many nights I just grabbed my pillow and had this sight opened, I would mainly just read until I fell asleep at my desk. I was so bad I couldn't even sleep in my bed.

Just keep doing what your doing! So IF you take that motorhome on a whirlwind trip, get ya a laptop if you don't have one...*Grins*
Terri

The first thing that helped me was finding this site.  I wasn't ready to turn to friends or family and this was a wonderful place to come to people who understood and unfortunately were here for the same reason.

Funny movies, my dog, the gym, friends and family have all helped me through this.

And knowing this is just a temporary phase in my life, that I can have a better life once this is over.

First, congratulations on the nod from Readers Digest..I would buy any issue that you were a featured writer in..Reading is one of my enjoyments and when you start writing I get captured by your words...you will go far!

For me, I am at the starting gate and rebuilding myself to reach the finish line.  Now I am focusing on me...rediscovering the things I enjoy.  I am trying different receipes and expanding the types of food I make.  For instance, I seen a Korean chef on tv this morning and I'm going to purchase his cookbook to try some Korean receipes.  So bringing my love of cooking to new levels, which I have neglected for many years with the raising of children, working full time, communting to the job, activities with my children, outside obligations.

For me.. it was rediscovering the things I had given up in life.  Making a marriage work takes so much compromise, there were plenty of things I enjoyed that I had given up to make a better marriage.  Each time I get a chance to rediscover one of my passions, it makes the divorce a bit more easier.

Some of them are down right silly and most of them were pretty simple things.  Like just this past weekend, being able to head out of town for the weekend to catch up with some long lost friends.  Not something I would have even considered planning while married, but turned into a nice enjoyable weekend, even with the long drive.