Seperated and having sex 

Do not take offense but what you are doing is wrong.  If I were you I would get tested for STD's and etc by your ob/gyn.  You have no idea who else he is sleeping with and it is not fair to you to keep going on like this.  Make a clean break; otherwise, he will always know that you are his comfort zone and this could go on forever.  Either you go to marriage counseling or end it immediately.  It seems like he has his cake and icecream too and you should have more self-esteem for yourself then but yourself through this.

There is more to it than you can't picture him having sex with someone else - We tend to get emotionally attached. Having sex with someone is as close as you can get. Bonds are formed. That is a hard thing to let go of-even when you know the marriage or relationship is over. That bond is still there.
I suggest that you cool it. You need to detach if you know for sure that the marriage is over and you are divorcing. BTW- I did the same thing with my ex- so I understand. Even after we divorced- for a while. So I know exactly what you are dealing with and talking about.
I still love him- I would not be intimate with him now( it has been 5 years since the divorce).

I am confused. If you separated with him because he is unemployed and a pothead, you should be very careful. Potheads attract the police, and if he is chronically unemployed, sooner or later he is going to make a wrong step and that will attract the police as well.
I would stear clear of him and shut him out if I were you. There are plenty of men out there who can deliver great sex, and more than twice a week at that.
So I would be mo' careful.

Hello Honey, I really don't know how long you beng doing this but,  first make sure you heart is over this person, second if this is over he is no longer your husband, if you continue with this it will work wonders for him cause he will be nice and not using any good girl out there just for sex cause he will always run between your legs.  That is so sad... Value your self and find a GREAT GOOD MAN!!!!!! you making it so easy for him even if you think things could be work out. GOOD LUCK.

Someone once said "Sex is like Pizza; when it's good, it's very very good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good." Or maybe that started with "Pizza is like Sex". No matter.

You asked if your behavior was "wrong". There really is no "wrong" or "right". But there is a contradiction. You say he's a loser and you have to let him go. But I doubt you can really do that if you're seeing him twice a week for a roll in the hay.

And I'm wondering who's "using" who. He's obviously getting his rocks off, but what are you getting out of this "arrangement"? There has to be something or you wouldn't be doing what you are doing. If it's anything more than just the physical enjoyment of having sex with someone, it is, as a minimum, limiting and counter-productive to letting go of this loser and moving on in your life.

I am suspicious you are clinging to the only good thing in your bad relationship because you have not, in your heart and soul, declared it a complete bust. And you have to do that before you can, in good conscious, move on.

Ask yourself if you'd rather have sex with this "loser" twice a week, or be open to meeting someone new who you could honestly want to spend the rest of your life with. My feeling is that you won't be open to meeting "Mr. Right" if you keep doing what you're doing.

So...I won't say it's "wrong"; but I will say I don't think it's "smart". I can't see how you can let go of this loser if this continues, and from your story, I have to agree that letting go is the right thing.

Take care.

Peace!

It's funny how God often speaks to me through D360!  I was just feeling blue because my STBX brought me lunch today.  We have been sexually inactive for 1 1/2 years now and I have been celibate for that long.  I wonder sometimes if he wants it as bad as me but I dare not go there.  I am more than a piece of ass, so I just cry myself to sleep or take a soothing bath. 

I don't think that this is a good idea, even if you're horny.  Trust that he is sleeping with you, her, her, she and maybe he!  Don't take chances with your health.  The trust of the relationship has been damaged and you could further damage yourself emotionally, psychologically and physically.  Familiarity is what keeps us stagnant.  If you can go without it do so for your own self-respect and health.  Chew ice!  I do!

I hope this doesn't offend you or anyone else, but it seems to me that he is using you. If there is no longer love and a desire to make this marriage work, then he is using you for relief.  It is my oppinion that it would be hard to move on emotionally if you were still physically active. Good luck!

I'm gonna chime in here. I honestly thought I would never have sex again if not with my ex, and he was impotent for the most part for the last 3 years of our marriage. But I found a man who I have known for many years, and it started as friends. Just coffee, the movies, dinner at a cheapo place cuz neither one of us could afford much. And we discovered we had so much in common and really became attracted to one another. And then it happened and it was mind blowing. So trust me, there is sex out there and I have a single girlfriend (divorced 10 years w 2 kids) and she has 3 friends with benefits. Different ages. Personally, that's not for me. I want a relationship, but I was fortunate to find someone right away. She has tried and been remarried and that only lasted 3 months. He was addicted to prescription pain pills so in the end, her FWB work out better for her. So no, I would not suggest you continue to have sex with him cuz yea, he could give you something but also, you need to make that break.

Hello,                                                                                                  Everything I have read is true, I did the same thing , I keep sleeping with him, because I still loved him, and I messed my family life, But I think he only wonted the sex..I stopped being with him back in Feb, and just this past week was the first time in 8 months I had seen him, The first thing he did was grab me and kiss me, I hugged his neck and kissed him back,  a part of me still misses him, He ask me to have sex with him , also.. I told him no.. I told him there is more to me then that.. and I wont someone that loves me.. not just the sex.. all I was doing was prolonging the pain, by having sex with him... we are still married, and its been 17 months, since we parted ways.. and in that 17 months its only been 8 since I have not slept with him. I have moved on and dated other people,I still care, but not as much as I did when I was still having sex with him.. You have to make your mind up.. because this is bothering you... or you would not be asking this.... I would say stay away from him for a while and date other people,,,,  its about you and not him now.. and whats best for you...

Everyone here has some great points. There's a couple of things to think about, on top of what everyone has said. Is the sex good with him b/c you do not have anyone else to compare it to? My guess is that's probably so. Your husband probably sees you as a guarantee, I would if I were in his shoes. You do need to decide what you want to do though. I'm sure the thought of him with someone else would drive you insane or at the very least anoy you. But remember that part of the reason that occurs is b/c you were with him exclusively for a while. Your seperated, its time that you play the open-market. I'm sure you can find someone to connect with emotionally, and the sex with that person will probably be just as amazing, if not even better. Good luck!

Having sex with him is a bad idea. People find comfort in what they know. It's hard to leave the comfort of familiarity.

I know what you mean though about being unable to imagine being with someone else. That's a left over feeling from being committed to your husband. You turned that feeling off. By continuing to have sex with your husband you aren't going to be out "in the cold" looking for someone else who will most likely be much better to you and for you.

Change is HARD...but the rewards can be more than worth taking the risk. Try to picture having sex with an incredible man who is employed, respectful and likes/loves you. That is going to be AWESOME!

I feel for you!!  I just have a little something for you to think about.  The real reasons you are leaving him, and what is he doing when he is not with you?  You need to be careful 'cause he will be the one to give you a STD..or just a trichomonisis infection..I don't want to be a downer but Please be aware of your emotions and think logically. 

Both of these men are right.  If you are looking for a friend with benefits then look elsewhere.  You can't move forward with your life if you continue having sex with your husband.  He's probably having sex with you twice a week and telling other women he's "separated" so that he can hook up with them.  You need to move on with your life and the best way to do that is separate yourself from him on a more permanent level. 

hi Ashley - you need to figure out if you want to stay in this marriage or not.  If you don't, I do not recommend that you continue to have sex with him.  It's dangerous at best.  My situation is very much different than yours - I am 41 years old, been married for 14 years, and have 4 kids.  I have been seperated for 7 months now.  Just this week, I was weak and had sex with my still husband because he asked me if I wanted to.  I feel kind of sleezy now.  For him it was sex and nothing else (he made that perfectly clear).  I still have not let go of the hope of keeping our marriage together.  If you are doing it only because you don't want him to sleep with someone else - and believe me, I understand that - it's pretty much a waste of your time.  That is going to happen sooner or later.  The sex with my stbx was amazing, but I have decided that it cannot happen again.  The emotional price tag is too high - I can't afford it.  Good luck to you.

I have to agree with kevinwo.  To put a finer (and I hope not meaner) point on it, you're still having sex with him and you think he's the loser?

You are only thinking of the "now".  What about the future?  Sex is a tiny part of anyones life, and in the marriage, but it is very wholesome just the same.  You are foolish to continue this empty relationship with only a physical component.  What we all need is love, security and excitement to flourish.  You are only prolonging the death of your marriage by continuing with just the physical satisfaction of sex.  There is no future in what you are pursuing.  The way we handle our problems define who we are.  What are you doing?  A relationship like this can be found anywhere, anytime.  You are wasting your energies on something that is trivial.  Learn from your mistakes, grow from your experience and find someone who is interested in your mind, heart and soul.