4 Weeks in 

My heart goes out to you.  The stress of money and keeping your girls together has to be full time job.  Your seem to be really grounded to be able to write in your blog, keep it up.  I think it really helps to get your thoughts write down and it helps to read what others are going through. 

As much as you know this too will pass, it takes time. Divorce is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with.  I feel like a complete failure.  My husband left me for someone else.  It's been since march 08-- I couldn't think of relationship and I'm still not in a relationship, the thought of being rejected again is just too much.  I'm seeing a friend with benefits- no strings, no commitment. just fun. 

Things will get better and you sound like a very strong person. 

My heart goes out to you.  The stress of money and keeping your girls together has to be full time job.  Your seem to be really grounded to be able to write in your blog, keep it up.  I think it really helps to get your thoughts write down and it helps to read what others are going through. 

As much as you know this too will pass, it takes time. Divorce is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with.  I feel like a complete failure.  My husband left me for someone else.  It's been since march 08-- I couldn't think of relationship and I'm still not in a relationship, the thought of being rejected again is just too much.  I'm seeing a friend with benefits- no strings, no commitment. just fun. 

Things will get better and you sound like a very strong person. 

Reading this blog made me feel like I am not the only woman out there feeling what I am feeling. I cry all the time and it feels good to know that I too will heal eventually.

I agree with some of the posters that you should concentrate on your family and make sure things are in-tact. It sounds as though your husband never got over your initial indiscretion. Lets be honest here, what you did was not right, but what he has done, and is currently doing is not right either. So the two of you basically have baggage. You were both unfaithful and seem to have this emotional disconnect (ill feeling towards each other). Both of you need to be serious and decide if you want to be with each other in the future. This isn't a decision to come to lightly, but it might be something that you take a short time to decide. Perhaps listing some ground rules as well and airing all of your feelings. I recommend that you get some family to assist by watching your kids for the weekend, so that you and your husband can go away for the weekend and figure this out, just the two of you. Kids will and always do change the situation. Just be realistic and honest with yourselfs. Your setting an example to your kids if anything and you want to be able to move beyond this in a sane manner. Sorry to be so straightfoward on this, but its time to be realistic.

I'd chill and focus on family for now.
Definitely don't do anything you don't want to or you'll end up feeling bad about it and you don't need that right now!

Peace,

It sounds as though you have your head screwed on correctly!  Keep it that way.  You'll feel better everyday.  It will take a real effort on your part to move through your situation.  Be easy, take baby steps and soon you'll be gliding across the floor.  Hurt people, hurt people.  He's hurt because you will no longer deal with his garbage, therefore, he tries to hurt you.  That's okay!  It the boomerang affect or rubber an glue, you choose.  Hang in there things are going to work out fine.

Don't sell yourself cheap, for a thrill or a hate f _ _ _ _ as one has suggested.  That will only create more pressure.  You're worth more than that.  Cheap thrills often disgrace, so don't go there!  You must be an example for your 3 daughters for future reference.  When you're lonely and down and out tell yourself 'IT'S ALL GOOD". 

When we are in transition it is always good to remember that you are transitioning towards something better.  Therefore, move forward!  God bless you all!

The pain will get less and less.  Please don't be discouraged however, when you have a bad day.  It will happen, but you'll find that you'll have fewer and fewer.  You've got a much brighter future ahead of you than ever you imagined.

I notice your 3 responses are from women. Want a guy's opinion? If not stop reading. I don't think any woman should deny herself the hate screw. It doesn't have to be tonight, or next week but before you date anybody because you think you're interested. Indulge yourself with one good thorough "hate f___." One time, a good sport actually screamed "I hate you, OH God I HATE YOU, Mark" in the passion moment. She was very embarrassed. I wasn't offended, it was funny. My name is Brad.

When she explained that I was the first since her separation, we just laughed it off. Saw her a couple more times, then she said it time to move on.

You're right, your heart is healing. It takes a lot of self-respect to get to that point.  I commend you for showing yourself that respect and going after what you truly want!

Guaranteed.  If he's trying to hurt you his life is a much bigger mess.  He left you but can't move on.  He spends his life thinking of ways to relate to you from the negative, that's his life, trying to hurt you.  Good riddance to him girl.  He will continue to be a mess until he learns how to forgive, understand and let go.  Personally, I say let the fool suffer. 

You are wise not to be going out with other men right now.  It will surely backfire on you as you are only 4 weeks into this mess.  Right now you need to focus on you and your girls...and that is it.  Get things together as far as living arrangements, custody agreement, etc.  The divorce process alone is a huge emotional rollercoaster.....trying to add dating in the midst of it will only cause more turmoil.  My divorce was final back in March....yet I know that I am still not ready for any kind of new relationship.