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Rearranging the apartment...in my head

I look around this living room and think about what I want to do with it when D moves out. I should measure the room and map it out, but right now I am just daydreaming. I hate how the television is the focus of the room, sitting there like some sort of silent god. D tells me he wants to buy a flat screen tv for his new place, so he will leave the old one with me. He said he'll probably take the computer, but leave the computer desk behind and get something smaller. My Mom asked me yesterday if I want her computer, which she never uses. Wow. Things are starting to come through for me. I was worried about how I would be able to afford my own computer, but that would be a huge help.

D called this place a "s***hole". What an ungrateful jerk. He's not even paying rent here. I told him to save up his money for moving out and stop giving me the lousy $200 a month he had been giving me. I can hardly wait to fix it up to suit me. The room is so long that it feels like two rooms. I'm thinking that I can get a small table and chairs and make half of it a sort of dining area. Then the other half can have the television and a futon or couch. I might even start doing my workout DVD's out here instead of in the bedroom. I have gotten used to hanging out in the bedroom while he watches tv or plays video games in the living room. My life became smaller in too many ways. In just a few weeks, that should start to change.

by meteor 488 Posts

Posted on 10/13/2009 10:35 PM

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Comments for "Rearranging the apartment...in my head" (10) (You must be logged in to answer)

First of all...did my alter ego write this? LOL

Isn't it funny how sometimes it's the little things that brings joy into this miserable situation. Freedom and doing what you want. Since the day we moved into our townhouse 9 years ago he placed the trashcan in the middle of the kitchen floor because there wasn't any cabinet space to put it. I had wanted to put it in an out of the way spot, but he wouldn't let me. The day he moved out I put the trashcan where I always wanted it and have been happy.

I also wanted to put the 56" TV in the dark rec room on the 1st floor and make it a theater room so that the bright sunny living room on the 2nd floor/main living floor could be a play room for our toddler son and he could be with me as I cooked or worked. But NO. He wouldn't do that. As soon as he moved out I switched the rooms around. It was AWESOME.

I sold our bedroom furniture and bought new. I couldn't really afford it but there are some things you shouldn't keep from a bad marriage/divorce.

Do whatever you want and be happy while you do it and enjoy it afterwards. There are benefits to going through divorce and that's what we need to focus on...not the pain and misery caused before, during or after the divorce.

Be Happy! :)

by BecksMom 232 Posts
Posted on 10/15/2009 5:52 PM

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I should mention that we moved into this place at the beginning of September. I do not think that I would feel comfortable remaining in the "old apartment" where we lived together for 5 years. Too many memories("Ah, there's the patch I put on the kitchen wall after he punched a hole in it...here's the bedroom where I used to cry myself to sleep"). This place feels like it's more mine instead of ours. I wanted to move in here alone, but he cried poverty and said he needed a couple of months to save up some money. Many of his things are still in boxes in the living room, since he should be moving out in just weeks. There was no point in unpacking everything.

It just looks so rough and messy to me, like a couple of college students live here. I am in my thirties and want to come home to a place that feels like a home. I will probably rearrange the bedroom, too. The bed is 11 years old, so it is time for a new one. It's a symbolic thing, too. I would burn the darn thing on the front lawn if it wouldn't terrify my neighbors. The back yard, maybe?

by meteor 488 Posts
Posted on 10/15/2009 12:12 PM

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I'm not sure about this one. If it brings you joy, go get your joy, as for me I want nothing to do with anything that he has ever been apart of in my life. I'm letting go of the home we shared for the last 23 years. I don't want any of his bullshit. I have him everything he's ever bought me in the 30 years of our marriage. Those things amounts up to about ten items. I let my car get repossessed because his name was on it. I want nothing to do with his low-down ass.

But if this brings you joy, go get your joy!

by psycho 61 Posts
Posted on 10/15/2009 11:10 AM

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Every change I made after he moved out made me feel a little more free of him. Even stupid little things, like where we keep things, and how I do the laundry. I just recently called the phone company and had the phone taken out of his name. His name will no longer be in the phone book with mine. It was GREAT!

I don't care if I'm sleeping on a single trundle bed. I was happy to see "his" cheap, crappy bedroom furniture go. I spread out my clothes over the WHOLE CLOSET and hung my necklaces on his tie rack.

by GreenEyedCat 28 Posts
Posted on 10/15/2009 9:56 AM

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You will have a lot of fun rearranging your place. I have painted everything white, refinished the cupboards deep/black/rose and I bought a 46" tv which is truely an experience everytime I turn it on. I have only 2 lazyboy rockers in the frontroom as well. It is the new identity which I have created. An identity starts at home and goes out from there.

I got rid of all her colors and I feel satisfaction daily. Enjoy yourself!

by kevinwo 733 Posts
Posted on 10/15/2009 1:12 AM

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Good for you!! It's good to think of the changes. When I was married my life consisted of me sitting in my home office every night while he blasted the TV in the living room. I couldn't wait for him to move... and when his moving day was a week around the corner I bought a new mattress, new tv, new stovetop and new refrigerator.... all the things he said we couldn't afford! After he left I hired an inexpensive interior designer, re-arranged the place and painted. My place rocks! Turning a ice-cold house into a warm and nurturing home for one has become my salvation while going through the roller-coaster emotions that a divorce -- even a well-needed divorce -- brings on. Dream big!!

by TexasPam 30 Posts
Posted on 10/14/2009 6:44 PM

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That's exactly it, Beebee. You hit the nail on the head when you said you wanted to make every room open, well lit, and comfy. The living room has to be dark so he can see the television better. Yuck. I would rather open the blinds and let some sunlight in. No more hiding in the bedroom and kitchen for me. My husband likes to make sarcastic remarks, too. I hate that. I love a sense of humor, but not when it has to be about putting someone else down. Your house sounds fun, especially with the pool table and the dogs!

by meteor 488 Posts
Posted on 10/14/2009 5:14 PM

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I know what you mean. When I was still married, I was moved into the spare bedroom upstairs next to my children's rooms. He literally lived downstairs while me and the kids lived upstairs. This went on for 1 1/2 years. We were living like roommates. I was always upstairs in my bedroom and my kids would sleep with me in my bed almost everynight. We would do so much in my room like watch movies, eat popcorn, play nintendo on my small TV set. I just couldn't wait to move out and buy my own home and make every room open, well lit, and comfy for EVERYONE. My home is fun, we don't have a dining room table in the dining room, a big fun pool table lives in that spot. We hardly eat on the dinner table in the kitchen, we eat on TV trays while our doggies are sitting next us in the living room (which was a big NO NO while I was married according to him). I can actually work out in the living room openly without hearing the sarcastic remarks from him.

It's been such a breath of fresh air now that I'm living on my own with my children. It's almost the end of the day as we speak and I can't wait to rush home from work and just live my life on my own terms.

I wish you a very blessed and happy life. You deserve it!!!

by BeeBee 83 Posts
Posted on 10/14/2009 2:59 PM

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You're an inspiration of how life can be much better after divorce. I hope millions will read your blog and be encouraged. Divorce is not the end of the world but the beginning of a better one.

by Char1 99 Posts
Posted on 10/14/2009 12:41 PM

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Good for you for thinking about making changes. I like the idea of dividing up the long room.
You are moving forward.

by sjg 1772 Posts
Posted on 10/14/2009 9:50 AM

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