And in the end...the love you take...is equal to the love you make. 

My lawyer just called me.  It seems I'm now officially a single woman.  The final decree was entered yesterday, and I should have a copy of all the paperwork within the next few days.

I don't quite know how to feel about this.  On the one hand, it's nice to have closure.  On the other, I miss my family.  I don't miss being married to my ex, but I do miss our family.  I called my ex to tell him the news and for the first time throughout this entire ordeal, I felt as though we really shared an honest moment.  I told him that I was sorry things had ended for us this way, and that I certainly hadn't married him 15 years ago with the idea that we'd end up divorced.  He said that he was really sorry too, and we both got pretty emotional on the phone.  He asked me how I was doing, and I told him that frankly I miss the kids terribly when they are with him.  He said he felt the same way when they were with me, and that he couldn't even stand to be home during my weekends.  I told him I felt the same.

So we sucked together as husband and wife, but we'll always both love our children, so that's a positive, I guess.  Now if I could just figure out a way not to be angry at him anymore....I don't consider myself particularly religious, but I find myself praying more these days, hoping that God will steer me in the right direction.

So that's it, I guess.  I'll continue to lurk on here, and comment here and there.  I've found this site to be very helpful, and if you're reading this, hopefully you are too.

I don't think of this as the end of the journey, but it is the end of a chapter in my life.  The rest of the book is yet to be written, but now I have all these shiny blank pages that I can fill in however I want.  There's a certain freedom in that.