Hello to all 

I just became a member a couple of weeks ago, I haven't even written my story yet.  I am still married but we have lots of struggles and have for a long time.  I am my husbands second marriage and he is my first, we have been married for 12 years, and have a 11 year old son.  I didn't get married until I was 38 (and as I've said, this is my first).  I waited a long time because my parents marriage sucked and I wanted mine to be different.  I didn't want my children to see rage and feel fear, but my marriage has been very difficult and rocky and I am ashamed to say my 11 year old has seen and heard things that I regret.  Don't get me wrong, we haven't swore and cussed in front of him but he has seen and I am sure hate, anger, and fighting from us.  I have told him that none of this is his fault and that we both love him very much, and that the problems that we have, have been there way before he was born.  When I look back the signs and problems were there but I went ahead and got married anyway, sometimes I could kick myself.   I am still married trying to do the best I can.  Right now my husband and I are in a good spot but that could change.  My son told me that, "one week end we seem to be nice to each other and then the next we are not".  I told him that, "some people are so easy to get along with (like some of his friends, while others you don't click with so easily, he understood this), sometimes your dad and I don't relate that easily.  It kills me when I see that it effects him, but if I devoriced it would effect him too.  I am writting because I need support, and obviously I am confused, "so I stay or should I go".  I will continue to write each week, to let you all get to know me.  I have enjoyed hearing your stories.  Thanks for being there.

Janae