This is driving me nuts! 

Quick background - my STBX came home from work 11 months ago and out of the blue announced he didn't love me and wanted a divorce. Months of shock, disbelief and denial followed. Found out that he was a lying, cheating bastard. Kicker - his affair was only for 2-3 weeks and all on line before he decided to destroy his whole family that he's wanted forever and we worked so hard to build. He's the last person in the world anyone would suspect would do such a thing.

I MISS THE MAN I MARRIED.

Where did he go? We had so much fun. I desperately want to tell him what a schmuck my STBX is. I want to tell him all the sneaky things I've been doing to take care of myself and all the dumbass stuff my STBX has been doing. I swear my husband would be rolling on the floor laughing as I tell him my story about what I've done each day to stick it to the SOB I'm divorcing. He would have been so impressed and proud of me for taking care of myself and our son.

There are times I even imagine that 10 years down the road my groom will return to his body and I can tell him what a dumbass he was and ask him what possessed him to believe some woman's lies (a woman he hadn't seen in 15 years) over his wife who loved him and with whom he just had a baby?

I sit here shaking my head in wonder as to how he can believe the rediculous lies this woman told him about me, about him, about her and about them. I want to shake him and wake him up and tell him to snap out of it. It's me. I've always taken care of everything and had his best interests at heart. Now he's with a woman who put herself before him and his family. It's heartbreaking to know that he's heading down a path that will lead only to more misery and I can't stop him. He wouldn't believe one thing I could say to him.

How wierd is it that I've had to split this person into two people in my mind - the SOB I'm divorcing and my best friend that I was married to for so long.

It's amazingly hard to turn your back on someone because they don't want your help and don't even know they need help. Life sure is crazy.