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How long can a marriage go without sex?? 

Apologies in advance to whomever thinks this is either offensive or ridiculous, but I am curious as to how long a couple can go without having intimate relationships and still have a chance at a meaningful relationship in the future.  In my case, it is just three months, my wife and I are in counseling, she saw one man, one time, didn't have sex with him (I believe her, since she was the one who told me about the "date"), but has said at counseling that she isn't ready to have a sexual relationship at this point, because that would be giving up her "freedom".  I know this may seem silly to some, but I'm trying to gear myself up for some long, hard work at our relationship, but I'm afraid unreturned sexual feelings seem to get in the way of working at some deeper issues.  I guess I'm looking for advice from those who have successfully put those feelings on the back burner.
by etrain17  42 Posts 

Posted on 9/6/2008 6:12 PM
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Tags: deciding , sex
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Comments for "How long can a marriage go without sex??"  (81) (You must be logged in to answer)




I Have been all over looking for solution to my Marriage until i tried out the internet, I found a prophet Mica whom people talked about and shared his website online http://livingspirits.webs.com, My wife has decide to leave our marriage, because he said he can't stand my mom, But i love my wife so much that i can let her leave after 8years of marriage. So the prophet did changed the whole problems and issue to testimony, He did a spell to calm and reconcile my mom and my wife and then carryout a spell to make my wife love me more and remain in our marriage. I saw results after 2days and to be frank, this prophet is a God sent. My family is as peaceful and lovely as i asked for..I'm grateful.
by Roby   1 Post
Posted on 8/28/2014 4:12 AM
0





i really believe in love, and i think when there is no sex, there is no love. So why not reach for it and try instead of staying with a person, we don't love anymore.
by iris10   6 Posts
Posted on 7/19/2014 12:20 AM
1





i have been divorced once. Now my second husband, younger than me, but that's not the problem, i don't want to have sex with him, anymore, he is so selfish in sex that i don't feel like being with him any more. I think it's not going to work, but to tell the truth i really want him to cheat on me, sorry but it's the truth, so that we'll separate. Being without someone is not a shame, or wrong, neither is a woman selfish and i challenge every woman in this blog, wasn't it better when, if, he left?
by iris10   6 Posts
Posted on 7/19/2014 12:15 AM
1





I dont think very long at all. That is one of the amazing things of marriage. That is expressing your self to your lover. I am there right now. It has been about 5 days for me without sex and it is very hard. O am used to a very sensual relationship so it is very hard for me.
by Chateau   3 Posts
Posted on 4/16/2014 7:43 AM
4





Deal breakers in a relationship are personal. For some a sexless or low-sex marriage may be a deal breaker, for other it may not be. Each person has an emotional and physical threshold; the amount of discomfort you are able to tolerate in your life. Sex is not as important to everyone and it also depends if other area's of your relationship are worth staying for (love, being a good parent, financial stability to name a few). Has anyone heard about a book called 'To Stay Or Not To Stay?' (on Amazon)?. There is a chapter on deal breakers and it has also practical info on improving your marriage by improving your communication skills, date night etc. Some friends who used it told me it is a very useful self help workbook with information, exercises and personal stories.
by psychdaan   4 Posts
Posted on 3/28/2014 6:02 PM
4





I really thought it was just me. I've been married almost 10 years and sex is a taboo word in my house. Her excuses ranged from the kids to not being like a past bf.  It's left my self esteem more than bruised.  
We have sex MAYBE once a month and that's if I make her feel guilty enough. Last year we went almost 6 months with out sex. When we do have sex it's like having sex with a corpse Her body language speaks VOLUMES and its saying PLEASE get this horrid act over with.  What's worse she does not care and does not see all of this as a problem.  When I bring the problem up she sits silent. She really doesn't understand how SEX is a big deal and WHY I'm feeling so hurt by her rejections.   I don't know what to do, it kills me to want someone that does not want you.  Especially after giving your all to make her happy and the fact that she may be possibly lusting after some other guy(whole other story)  I feel tired, alone and angry,mostly at myself for allowing it to continue  for so long.  I just keep thinking that I will wake up and this is all just a nightmare not my real life.
by Drewda   1 Post
Posted on 1/23/2014 5:34 AM
23





well,, i guess  i am not the only one in a sex less marriage, i have been married  now over 25 years, two kids, grown up, and since  the last one was born, (18 years ago) we have had  a dwilinding sex life, it has driven me away, i have been fathful, but  i just want out,  now i am making good money, she has total control, i know, another bad mistake on my part. but i dont have two nickles to rub together, i feel like she has me in total control, and what makes it worst, i am working over seas, gone away for 6 months at a time, she has a nice car,house ,and all her toys, i am stuck with nothing,no where to turn'i know i need help, but have no idea where to begin or where to even look
by bigdog70   1 Post
Posted on 7/15/2013 10:34 PM
17





I have been married for 15 years. The last 10 of which have been sexless.
I am a man and from a woman's standpoint I don't think it is about sex. It's about closeness and trust. I believe my wife is narcistic, so concerned about her looks, her money and her kids.
There hasn't been room for me in her life for me. I have been through my dads death-3 months ago, unemployment and divorce. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have been in the hospital 2 x for this.
I don't think people should get married today. They are so selfish and are kids are getting hurt.
I became a Christian and my hope is in god.
I can rely on the people in my life to be there for me.
I can only hope that others can find their way after going through a divorce.
Gary


by Garykleiner   1 Post
Posted on 7/2/2013 7:25 AM
9





Sex in marriage is important but when there are unresolved issues of distrust and infidelity it is hard to want sex with the spouse in question. I had to put my husband out of our bed and send him packing down the hall when I found condoms and hotel receipts in his travel bag the morning of our 13th wedding anniversary. Deny, deny, deny is what he did that day and is still doing it today. But, I couldn't fathom having sex with him when I thought about all the sleepless nights I laid in our bed by myself until 2-3 o'clock in the morning while he was " working at the office." Then I put him out after I found more receipts to hair salons, and spa treatments for 2 at a spa 30 minutes from our home.  He stayed gone for 3 weeks then called and said that he wanted to work on our marriage. I had to see just what that meant to him, so I let him back in the house and our bed. He had 1 foot in and 1 foot out and didn't change any of his behavior. He was more distant and even less invested. The sex was sad because there was nothing there. The fire and the spark were gone and the receipts and late nights "working at the office" kept coming. Now he's back down the hall. There's no sex for us but he's getting it from someone who works for him because the car that he bought me for Mother's Day 4 years was at her townhouse late last night. He was "supposed" to be out of town on business. At least that's what he told me and his children. Now he's denying it again. So no sex in a worthless marriage is the best sex ever!!
by BOver   36 Posts
Posted on 6/30/2013 8:51 AM
14





It makes me very sad to read all these comments. It only proves how selfish people are. Even if you cannot have sex, you can still be affectionate and caring toward your partner. I've gone for years without sex, without affection, without even a compliment.Men tell me I am beautiful, I get hit on all the time. My husband loves it. He is cruel and enjoys taking away the things I enjoy. I hate him. What I look forward to the most is the day I serve him papers and sue him him for everything I can. He only married me to prove he's not gay, for image. When I ask for afffection, he treats me with cruelty so I won't ask. I do not ask any more. I just wait. Wait to be free of him. I know that some people have good marriages, I envy them. I've been in relationships where sex was as easy as any other acivity, I looked forward to going to bed. Now, I dread it.And I hate him for taking away the things I enjoy. I've read the other comments here. You know, you don't have to have intercourse, I'd be happy with a hug or just a gesture of even oral sex or a kiss, but I get nothing. He is a stingy cold man, and he's not even over 50. My only pleasure is spending his money. Every day I buy sexy outfits and things to make me feel better. It lasts for a moment and then I just sit with my pile of stuff. He tells me to stop spemding his money.that makes me happy in an odd way. the unopened clothes and perfumes, I think maybe someday I'll use them on another man, but not until i'm divorced. I never realized marriage could be so bad.
by sadandmad   2 Posts
Posted on 3/12/2013 5:45 AM
23





It makes me very sad to read all these comments. It only proves how selfish people are. Even if you cannot have sex, you can still be affectionate and caring toward your partner. I've gone for years without sex, without affection, without even a compliment.Men tell me I am beautiful, I get hit on all the time. My husband loves it. He is cruel and enjoys taking away the things I enjoy. I hate him. What I look forward to the most is the day I serve him papers and sue him him for everything I can. He only married me to prove he's not gay, for image. When I ask for afffection, he treats me with cruelty so I won't ask. I do not ask any more. I just wait. Wait to be free of him. I know that some people have good marriages, I envy them. I've been in relationships where sex was as easy as any other acivity, I looked forward to going to bed. Now, I dread it.And I hate him for taking away the things I enjoy. I've read the other comments here. You know, you don't have to have intercourse, I'd be happy with a hug or just a gesture of even oral sex or a kiss, but I get nothing. He is a stingy cold man, and he's not even over 50. My only pleasure is spending his money. Every day I buy sexy outfits and things to make me feel better. It lasts for a moment and then I just sit with my pile of stuff. He tells me to stop spemding his money.that makes me happy in an odd way. the unopened clothes and perfumes, I think maybe someday I'll use them on another man, but not until i'm divorced. I never realized marriage could be so bad.
by sadandmad   2 Posts
Posted on 3/12/2013 5:45 AM
4





I am a Breast Cancer Survivor twice.  3 rounds of chemo and 1 round of radiation left me tired, and sexless.  Intercourse became extremely painful.  I could not use any medicine with estrogen as the cancer was estrogen positive.  He could not accept that and began cheating while I was in chemo.  I also lost both breasts so my body image was psychologically challenged.  I know many couples who became celibate due to illness.  I suppose it depends on the character of the person.  Are we married for love or sex ?
by winginit   1 Post
Posted on 3/10/2013 10:27 AM
4





I really think that eventually every adult needs to have sex.  I know the feeling all too well of wanting nothing sexual to do with my husband.  I'll tell you why.  He's a douche-bag A-Hole.  Once someone treats you like a pile of crap, it's hart to get intimate with them or open yourself up at all.  I refuse sex to protect myself.  If I have sex with him I feel weak and stupid for letting him treat me like crap and then let him have me in that way.  I have a giant wall up emotionally and sexually.  
I don't know your situation and what happened, but pretty much I don't have sex with my husband because I hate him.  That's why some chicks have toys.  You don't have to have sex with your douche-bag A-Hole husband or risk custody of children by being caught cheating.
Sorry...  You may be a great guy.  Like I said, I don't know your situation.  You may be married to a giant B... I have no clue.  That's just my situation.
The latest episode was him chewing me out for "stealing" his meat.  I cooked some bacon he put in the freezer for the kids.  The next day I was going to make some meatloaf for the kids with some hamburger meat he bought.  He again started chewing me out for "stealing" HIS meat from the freezer.  Yeah.... then tries to bone me the same night.  Negative.  He can keep his meat to himself.
by LittleRed77   207 Posts
Posted on 1/8/2013 10:58 PM
17





Hi everyone, am edone from United States I can still remember 2months ago When I was left with a broken heart bt my fiancee, I was unable to sleep, i wake up even i try to sleep and cry out my life, Everyone was saying he doesn't worth all my pains and love, but deep inside of me, he worth every drop of my tears.It was worse that i had to be buying sleeping pills to sleep at night.My fiancee left me with a 2months pregnancy few months to our weeding, he dumped me for another lady because of what i don't know. He said to my face that i am a looser and he never loved me, which i know its a lie, it was so surprising that he changed to a demon i never see in him. Then I noticed that the heart monitor was showing a beat! But this was only his pacemaker. each day has never been the same for me since that day. to worsen issue i lost my job and everything was like am drowning in an ocean i cant swim.There was a day i was just surfing the net and i saw a website of this spell lady, PRIESTESSIFAAGREATSPELLPOWERS.WEBS.COM, she sound so powerful that i felt that she can bring back to me all that i have lost.I contacted her through her email on priestessifaa@yahoo.com and she gave me hope that things would be back to normal with her spell, i did doubt because it was my first time to see spiritual work and since my liver could turn a demon over, so i believe anything can stil happen. I gave her all details she requires to carry with the spell, An few hours later she came back to me telling that the gods reveals that the other woman did a very strong evil spell on me for my lover to start seeing me like and slot and hate me forever. This hurt even more than a nail in my head, i gave the spell lady a go ahead to do a go ahead to break and curse and return my lover to me.The most happiest part i expected and came to pass but was so fast and accurate was that my lover came to me after 4days begging with his life that he never knew how things
by Edone   3 Posts
Posted on 12/11/2012 11:59 AM
0





Well, there can be something hormonally wrong.I spend the first 4 years of my marriage in anguish, wondering why my husband doesn't want me, why he never initiated. He would have sex with me about 4 times a year, even from the beginning. I felt so worthless, unwanted low in self esteem. Then I attended a lecture about low testosterone and was convinced he had the problem. he was very reluctant to get checked out, but finally did and his T levels came back so below normal range. He sought out testosterone supplementation, which has helped over the past 2 years, but he has also become very mean and aggressive as a side effect. he decided to stop taking the T last month due to the side effects, and now I am back to a sexless marriage. i don't know if I can go back to living like that.
by twixy   3 Posts
Posted on 10/21/2012 11:57 AM
9





I never knew a sexless marriage was such a problem. First and foremost I have a wonderful wife and mother of my daughter . My marriage of 11 years was really good for the first year, then our daughter was born. Our sex life went from 2-3 times per week to maybe 1 every 3 months. Every area of our marriage is great, but the sex is non-existent. It has been like this for approx. 10 years and i am getting really angry. I want to be together as a family for our daughter , but my Self-control is nearing a breaking point.
by Silent   1 Post
Posted on 8/29/2012 11:00 AM
42





Boy am I glad I found this site! Also felt like the freak in our marriage!  I'm the wife with a healthy lobido. Only been married 2 years (together for 5). Supposed to be newlyweds who can't keep their hands off each other. Fat chance....We've had sex only once in the past 11 months. I've initiated often with no results. So after such a long time, my thoughts are starting to drive me mad. Is he having an affair....don't know where he would find the time. He doesn't look at me the same anymore. I've stopped trying. We've talked about it, but still nothing. He's a fantastic father, business man and friend. But the lover part is missing. Have thought about divorce a few times, but is a sexless marriage a valid reason to leave your partner and the father of your children. I don't know....feels good to share my thoughts though. Also fear the fact that if I leave he might find another wife someday and that their sex life would be perfect. Probably sounds really stupid, huh?!?
by 2u   1 Post
Posted on 5/13/2012 4:08 AM
50





Rejection from your spouse is really hurtful, to the point that even when the divorce is final, self confidence is so low that the thought of finding another partner is bleak (at least for me). I even bought a house at a bad time because she said our sex lives would improve. Talk about manipulation! I'm harboring a lot of sexual resentments.....
by Tony2012   43 Posts
Posted on 4/11/2012 11:35 AM
24





This is a question I've been wondering.  Been married 13 yrs.  Basically, the sex life was over before it started.  Over the years, I've tried to convince my husband that this is important and we need to work on it.  There has been so many excuses he has given over the years.  Some valid.  However, i've spent the last five years wondering if this is a deal breaker.  I really thought this would be the year I'd leave and divorce him.  I just can't bring myself to do it.  He is a good father to our girls.  I feel like I owe it to them to give them a safe home with two parents.  Can I just tell him to forget about it.  I think I've come to terms and accepted that we don't have a sex life.  It's been averaging 3-4 times a year for about 10 years now.  It's not satisfying and I'm just done.  I don't even feel the same anymore.  I never imagined my feelings would change but they have.  I don't even want to be with him anymore.  Maybe it's too many rejections, hurt feelings, whatever.  It just doesn't feel right anymore.  Can I just talk to him and take it off the table, raise our kids (got 13 more years) and then move on.  I think I've come to terms with that is not in the cards for me, but I need to be responsible for the kids.
by heidy   1 Post
Posted on 4/11/2012 10:11 AM
27





Believe it or not, I do sympathize with the men who are being denied sex by their wives. I sympathize with the wives, also. When I was married, my sex drive was nil, nada, zero. I can tell you there were many factors to it. I did not want to sleep with someone I was angry with. My sex drive was also affected by postpartum hormonal imbalances, as well as stress and depression.
But hindsight is 20-20 and looking back, I don't think I tried hard enough on that aspect. I understand how hurtful it was to be rejected by someone he loved and was attracted to.
Of course, I think we would have divorced regardless. In my case, the lack of sex was a symptom of a bigger problem. I think that many times, the lack of sex is just a symptom.

I hope that after all of these years, you two have been able to resolve this. My sex drive is back now and better than ever, and I can't imagine living without it while I was married to someone I loved.
by KatiesTheMom   330 Posts
Posted on 3/31/2012 6:17 PM
12





Yeah I miss my wife too. The person living in the room across the hall doesn't even resemble her (personality wise, I still think she's beautiful). It's been since July for us. She was threatening divorce, accusing me of an affair, and I filed for separation with intent of reconciliation in November. What a joke that was. Still, with divorce right around the corner, I can't bring myself to be with someone else. We've been together 20 years. This is hell.
by Tony2012   43 Posts
Posted on 3/31/2012 1:41 AM
19





For me, after three combat tours (4 years) while in the Army my wife adjusted to the idea of not having sex for over a year.  Now she is not interested at all.  It does create much anxiety and anger in our marriage.  I cannot deal with it much longer.
by FEELFREE   1 Post
Posted on 12/30/2011 2:28 PM
8





My sexless marriage lasted for about 1.5 years...I cheated on him, told him, and he didn't care.  I wanted him to get mad and finally admit that we had major issues as we did not even talk....what I really wanted was someone to talk to, the sex was no big deal.  I left my ex as our issues were greater than a bad and non-existant sex life, but our divorce has been like WWIII.  We were only married for 5.5 years and did not have sex for the last year and a half of our marriage, so I just don't understand why in CA, a no-fault, community property state that my divorce is as messy as it is...no kids, just a house.  All I can think is he is out for revenge because I cheated.  I say if you want to have relations with someone other than your spouse, be honest and get separated first.
by JLB   4 Posts
Posted on 11/27/2011 4:09 PM
7





It has been over four years since the wife and I have had anything even remotely resembling sex.  All she does is blame it on menopause and say "I could care less about sex".  Now the funny thing is that I am fifteen years older than she is so you would think that if there was a problem regarding sex, it would be because of me.

What's a guy to do?
by Elrod   1 Post
Posted on 6/29/2011 7:34 PM
19





yes very good topic, obviously something that needs to be adressed more.  its been 4 years without this time, and years off and on throughout my 20 year marriage.  im sad but relieved to see women in this tread are the majority of the ones wanting the sex and not the withholders as in my case.  im tired of everyone making fun of the woman with the headache.  i see more and more men withholding sex from their wives, but we are not sup to bitch about it! the kissing, the holding, and the raw sex, who says we dont want it!  so 4 years is my breaking point.
by mite   49 Posts
Posted on 6/15/2011 5:09 PM
14







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