Hungry Wolves and Velcro Cats Outside My Tackle Box. 

"…Hit him definitely outside the tackle box…"

Tackle-box? They're allowed to go fish on the gridiron?

I don't know about outside the tackle box, but the replay shows a cold shoulder into the toy soldier; hope he remembered his little helmet.

Football has it's "insider speak" jargon. You have to know the game or be part of the business to get it. We all have it, no matter what we do. Even moms talk about time out, and playing in traffic. Work or play there are terms we associate with significant events. Last Sunday they had a tackle box; this Wednesday I have a conference call.

Yup. That's what the email said from my bosses boss:

"We need to have a conference call, Rob."

That's what she said. No tasty lure, just a hook in the eye. Great thanks...

The bosses boss requested my presence for a heart to heart. Yeah, the same bosses boss I had a conference call with the last time. It'll be me, her, and Velcro Cat Boss. Velcro hasn't spoken to me since the big "e-pology" debacle. I think his silence means he didn't accept.

That's OK, he probably accepted it in the spirit it was given. And that's probably why we're having a chat.

Attitude: the fine line between letter opener and manslaughter.

We're also having a call because my phone was down last week. When it went down, I was on my cell, calling the phone company. Sticky Kitty's jealous; I missed his call--both of them. I did listen to the messages when my home phone came back up though, Saturday--at least the first 5 minutes. The first call was a simple, "We have a meeting, where are you?"

The second call was just the sound of Velcro hitting the ceiling.

Rrrrriiippppp! REEWWWRR!

I erased it before I completed minute 3. He was one thing MyEx and I could agree on. Even when we didn't agree on who was the ass, we did agree on who had the management skills of Donkey. Interestingly enough the answer was both our bosses…huh, something else we had in common. Who knew?

Anyway, when Velcro gets frantic, I get irritated. The roles should be reversed, but it's part of our dynamic. That's right, it's also why we're having a conference call.

Oh, and it's not like I made him wait until Saturday before contacting him; that would be a conference call issue. I emailed him on dead phone day, right after I got his email. His email consisted of a "monthly meeting schedule" forward, with blue plusses surrounding my name and the meeting date. I think the plusses were supposed to be ironic. I don't know the meaning of the blue. Does boss blue code mean "strangle?" I suppose for him that would be a plus. Me, I'm not real keen on the idea. Whatever the intent, I think blue plus equals polar opposite of gold star.

He waited 24 hours to reply to my email. His reply was only a curt, "maybe we'll reschedule." Conference call sounds like an upped "reschedule" ante to me.

I have to say, it's one of the things I hate about my company. They love to play power time games. They wait to reply to everything. You can call the office, even if it's a scheduled call, and nobody answers the phone, they wait 15 minutes, then call you back: every time. Now they've scheduled a Conference call 3 days ahead. I don't mean to sound bleak but that's a long time to string a guy along. What's more, the last guy who got 3 days was crucified first, and I can't add "water into wine" to my resume.

What psych game is that, and why do I agree to play it? Oh yeah, they pay my mortgage, and don't leave me the time to look for anything better. Convenience and captivity? Sounds like an LA Zoo propaganda poster to me. Well I guess the good news is I may have open season come Wednesday.

That's the thing. This is the second conference call in 3 months. I don't see how this call is going to work out. I mean I failed at one other relationship the same way. Maybe this is just time.

What's the good of another conference call? That's like Daffy arguing over where to be shot.

"He does not have to shoot me now! Wait until you get me home!"

When does the back and forth banter become a waste of time? It seems obvious I'm not what they're looking for, and I'm not saying I blame them.

Here's the thing. You've read my blogs. I'm sure that at least 2 of you 3 are thinking, "huh, can't satisfy his wife, or his employer. This guy's a serious red flag." (And thank you Dad for being my 1!). Yeah, maybe I am guilty, but in my defense, I think it's more about ending up in the wrong relationships and not knowing when to leave.

My job hasn't utilized the skills they hired me for in years. MyEx? Yeah, I told you: there's a pattern.

It's an evolving world. It's adapt or be eaten. Even Darwin was swallowed by the big fish when he returned. Now his theory's evolved into a whole new monster with opposable thumbs.

So what do I do? I don't know, but I need to find something that utilizes my skills and maybe--just maybe--leaves me with a little time to socialize. Who knows, by the end of the week, I may get my wish: I may have a lot more time to socialize.

Right now I sit and I wait. I'm floundering in a very scary pool--hook in mouth, line on phone and sinker in gut. I'm definitely outside my tackle box.