Feeling It..........Midlife Crisis? 

Really.  I think I'm there.  I was walking through the store today, looking for shampoo and stopped at the hair color.  I'll be 40 in December (that's the first time I ever acknowledged that in words) and I'm already feeling depressed.  I've never colored my hair before, but I bought the dye.

I'm not sure what I expect hair coloring to do for me.  I'll still be the same person-divorced, raising two kids on my own, no relationship prospects and I'm not sure I want one.   If I don't want a relationship, then what's my problem?  40.  Yesterday I was thinking about how long I had left and realized my life is half over-well over half over.

My thirties haven't been great.  I should be happy to see this decade go.  Divorced.Lost the only home my kids knew.  Losing a good friend because she used me to get close to my ex.  Home burned down. The flood.  My illnesses.  Jordan's illness.  There's more I'm sure.  So why wouldn't I be glad to put that mess behind me? 

I'm going to honor my feelings.  I'll grow from them.  I just wish they wouldn't stay so long.