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My Ex Husband is a Bully 

It started with an e-mail this morning telling me that he wants her for Thanksgiving. Ummmm, no, our court order doesn't say he gets her on holidays. And she has rehearsals that weekend. Then he demanded that I propose a shared vacation schedule. I have had full legal custody for the past 11 years. Our agreement says he has 1 supervised weekend a month with her. I have let him spend lots more time with her than that, including sending her to see him, letting him stay with her at my house when I am away and letting him take her to his family on his visitation weekends.


When I said that he should let me know when he wants to see her and I will talk to our daughter about it, he started threatening me. I am sick of being bullied by him. I am sick of him making demands on me but when I ask him to help pay for things for her, he always goes back to the court order and how he isn't obligated to pay for things. Well, I'm not obligated to give him any additional visitation. Still, I tried to be reasonable and reiterated that he should let me know what he had in mind.


I had a total melt down today. I just sat in my car crying. Between the break up with my boyfriend, dealing with a surly teenager and dealing with a nasty ex husband, I am at my wit's end.

by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce  355 Posts 

Posted on 9/10/2008 7:06 PM
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Comments for "My Ex Husband is a Bully"  (7) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks everyone. I was feeling like I was having to deal with him alone and now I don't feel like that anymore. I really appreciate all of you!
by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce   355 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2008 10:34 PM

Well, it sounds like he's got only supervised visitation for a reason.  If he's being that big of a pain in the ass, stick to the court order.  You've given more than you had to, from what you say, and gotten nothing in return.  It's a two way street.  If he continues to be nasty, tell him you want all communication, unless it's an emergency, to be via email or certified letter, so you can print it out.  Get a recorder and record his calls if need be, after advising him you will be doing it.  If your daughter doesn't want more than the court orders, and you don't feel it's in her best interest (in your heart of hearts), then don't allow it.  Get it all in writing.  Then, if you need to take him back to court (sigh), you have it.


Above all else, give yourself a break.  Cut yourself some slack.  I tend to cherish my alone time in the car as well to do my thinking...with just some music on.  Your tears are understandable, and totally allowed!  You are going through so much.  Make sure to take some alone time each day to just breathe.  Before bed, whatever.  You're working hard, and you deserve a pat on the back.  Things will get better.  Just put your foot down a little more with him.  You've given enough!  Take Care!

by elane   348 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2008 9:45 PM

He sounds controlling too.  You've given more than your fair share.  Don't give any more.
by Larters   129 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2008 9:33 PM


Stick it right back at him!!  That is why these things are decided by the court.  Sounds like you have given way more than ordered by the court and your daughter has issues with the relationship so it would not impact her.  Don't let it get to you - stick to your guns and what is best for your daughter.
by hutchIN   182 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2008 8:43 PM

That sucks! I agree with Branny, stick to the agreement verbatim! How convenient that he can run back to it when it comes to paying for things, but not when it is for visitation.  Stick him to it, and let him sulk in a corner by himself...
by Nicki4   62 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2008 7:39 PM

Thanks so much, Branny, it feels really good to have someone on my side!


Go to hell, bully, go to hell!

by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce   355 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2008 7:33 PM

I still think he is an asshole too.
  I say follow the letter of your decree. 1supervised weekend a month. HE is obligated to HEr not the other way around!   He treats her like crap and from what I remember from past posts she isnt really too into  a relationship with him. She is a smart girl and she sees what he is doing and it is not right.  And if she dont want to visit him, you should respect her choice as well. He shows her no respect as a person, as his child  or as a person with a brain.  She will not only start resenting him for his treatment of her, but you for  pushing her into it.
Take care and tell the bully to go to hell!!
by Branny   838 Posts
Posted on 9/10/2008 7:27 PM

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