Staying Friends After a Divorce or Breakup?  

We've all heard it at least once in our life after a relationship ends, "Can we still be friends?"  I for one think maybe I've used up every ounce of "staying friends" energy on my ex husband.  I've done so for the benefit of my kids.  We chat daily, mostly about the kids, but about other subjects going on in our lives as well. 

It was extremely difficult to get here.  Most times I wonder if it is more of a tolerate relationship than truly a friendship.  It's sort of something that we both feel obligated to continue for the kids sake, kind of like tolerating our mother-in-laws??  Since then I've dated a few people over the years.  Most of those relationships weren't as intense and so some of those have become friends.  It isn't quite so difficult, but again I wonder why I do it.  I have however been struggling with my last major breakup.  He continues to want to be friends. 

I've tried.  I really have.  I enjoy his company, his conversation, and him in general.  However, I bounce back and forth between enjoying him and really being angry and annoyed by him.  In some ways it's sort of like not really being broken up.  I get to enjoy all of the good parts (well maybe not ALL of them?!?!), but get this constant gnawing feeling in my gut that is angry that he wasn't strong enough to work through the issues we had.  I get resentful that we aren't "really together" any more. So then I get sort of distant and cold. 

It has become this little dance.  I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that maybe if you have had a deep connection with someone that you really can't remain friends, at least not for a long while.  I think maybe there has to be a deep healing that occurs and then maybe you develop a brand new friendship.  But to just launch into a friendship after the relationship is really too difficult, as it serves as a constant reminder of what you no longer have. 

Maybe it really can't be done, at least not without a lot of pain.  I don't think I'm willing to continue with the pain.  Now I guess I'll have to figure out how to "break up" with him all over again.  Ugh!