I AM SO ANGRY. I WANT MY PAYBACK 

I agree with Trisha.  Save some money up somewhere.  A secret bank account, whatever.  Just don't leave a paper trail around.  If you leave the cash in the house, or in the car, chances are it will disappear. 

 

BUT...if I were you, I wouldn't keep this to myself with the plan of dropping a bomb on him.  I would let him know you know, and level the field a little bit.  Tell him you are not happy with what he's done.  Why don't you want him to know you know?

Thank you both for replying.  It is just so hard to understand why I am going to stay for everyone.  I just want to blow up at him and tell him how much he has screwed up all of our lives and our family.  But in time he will pay.  I just close my eyes and remember the man he use to be instead the man he is now...i don't feel the love that i have felt for him i feel the love for my children, and us women are good fakers.  It's all about our children!!!  Eveyrthing i do is for them!!!

I totaly understand about the "nightmare" thing.....for me, I can't even escape from it during the night....I dream the nightmares I am living every single day.....For me, its been a little ocver 5 months, and at times it fells like 5 weeks or even 5 days....My stbxh cheated on me as well, and its like this man I have been married to for 30 years has turned into a complete strranger, we have a "no contct order" which is probably a good thing because I want revenge sooo bad. But then I can come here, and realize that there are so many people going through this. I was told by someone who was divorced in the beginning of all of this, he said " You haae been given the secret handshake into a club, the largest group of people out there" I have my ups and downs, but it does get better....I can at least function now without crying 24/7......Now I just catch myself in dazes, and then I have to pull myself out of them. My kids are grown, and it still effects them all differntly. I can't imagine having to go through this with small children at home.... Right or wrong, I have come to the conclusion that men who cheat are nothing but "Pigs"....
Take care of yourself....

Just try to calm down and breathe. When I get like that I go outside and kick a bucket around the yard. But I live on a small farm and I can get away with that. While you are paying off the bills put some money into an emergency fund for you and the kids. Not in a bank acct. but somewhere safe. Not under your mattress either. I had a friend who had saved up quite a bit of money and her hubby found it and spent it .
Keep your goal in sight and follow your plan as long as you can.
Take care