he tried to innitiate sex 

I can't quite believe what happened yesterday. After years of rejecting me sexually, always making excuses or just being too drunk. He woke up the other morning and just grabbed me, wanted sex there and then. I know he was probably trying to make some lame, last ditch attempt at being passionate or romantic, whatever, something he's never done before, but I can't believe how much I didn't want to and how he felt like a completely different person to the one I used to get close to. It felt like some random stranger had just come on to me and it shocked me so much I can't get it out of my head. I'm so upset coz it was like the nail in the coffin for me, no therapist in the world can bring me back from what I felt at that moment. I made my excuses and got out of there quick. How dare he think he can do all that to me for so long, make my feel so worthless and then just expect it on a plate? Well, finally, after all this time, he finally knows how it feels and I guess in a way that's good. This is truely the first time this has happened. I'm starting to feel a lot stronger now and I know the time to tell him is approching. I still haven't sorted out living arrangements or finances yet tho. His sister is coming down the wkend after next to have the kids, so we can 'sort things out.' Even if I don't get as far as the D word I'll certainly tell him exactly what is in my head and how I felt the other day.

I never want to have sex with him again. When I do, it will be with someone who is passionate and appreciates me and wants me because I am attractive to them, not some drunken, five minute fumble at three in the morning where all you can smell is beer and fags. Sorry, but I'm sure a lot of you know where I'm coming from..?!