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Sex Addicts 

What is a sex addict and how does it happen? I read that sex addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or via the Internet), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors. The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior. They feel out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The inability to manage their life can be seen in the consequences they suffer, which may be but arent limited to: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem, and depression.

 

Some experts say that as the desire increases, a pattern of behavior usually follows, which can lead to acting out. This can be acting out on their desires or becoming angry if confronted or questioned. It usually starts with flirting, searching the Internet for pornography, or going someplace that will give them a better opportunity, or rather, a better chance to feed their addiction. Many men turn to prostitutes to fulfill their addictions and then return home as if nothing happened. The spouse is oblivious to what they are doing, or you might want to say "Ignorance is bliss." Myself, I don't understand. I think we are all adults and as such, have the ability to make the right decisions. If you dont have the power to control your fidelity, you need to be single. Why take other people down with you or hurt someone that loves you? If you're not in a relationship, chances are, you wont feel guilty about what you do. Ive watched movies and heard rumors of such a thing, but I always dismissed it as ridiculous. However, when I read some of the posts from my fellow bloggers, it makes it more of a reality. I wonder what the statistics are on something like this? How many people divorce because of being married to a sex addict? I really wish I could educate people on this topic, but I don't know enough about it. Does anyone have any helpful advice to pass on about this type of situation? Is it more common in men than women? Could they be suffering from some sort of mental illness that makes them act out and its written off as being a sex addict? Does anyone have experience in this field or an opinion they would like to share?

by Lori-Woodall  923 Posts 

Posted on 8/4/2008 10:36 PM
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Comments for "Sex Addicts"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)




smart cookie, I think some guys just don't care. My ex felt no guilt about cheating on me, but then, given his role model I can see where it came from. His dad cheated on his mother as far back as ex could remember. He told me that when he was little, his dad would take him with him to the bars and buy him ice cream. Later they would leave with some woman his dad picked up. They would go to her apt. and leave my ex in the livingroom, while they went into the bedroom. My ex told me he once ( and probably more) peeked in the room through the keyhole and saw he dad having sex with this woman. Apparently his dad taught him that women are to be used and have no value.
I found out from my ex's 2nd ex that he had been molested by one of his aunts when he was young ( started age 10 or 11) and went on for sometime. His dad was also abusive to him and his mother.
Anyways, for a while I tried to understand his cheating episodes but no one should have to tolerate being treated like he treated me.
by Babygerl   30 Posts
Posted on 10/9/2009 12:30 PM
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i have to congratulate monica on a great answer. i recently discovered my husband (we are both on our 2nd marriage, no kids) was an SA. i also have had the problem of finding out more and more unpleasant info after the fact. in our instance, and forgive me my pop psychology, but i attribute his compulsion to a very strict regligious upbringing which deemed sex as "bad" and a general fear of real intimacy together with a fear of rejection. lets face it - if you pay a professional you wont be rejected (because they need their next hit, huh?)

 

it has been explained to me as the same as alcoholics or gambling addicts... but sex is a lot more personal and "hurtful" for most of us. i know he never meant to act out, but the culmination of his past experience and abovementioned fears led to unhealthy actions. havent we all reached for the extra cookie when we knew we werent hungry? ultimately these people dont feel good about what they do in the same way as the alcoholic wakes up sick and vows "never again", but then circumstances come along.....

i dont have statistics unfortunately, but i do believe that the old adage of neural pathways being laid down in early life lead to bad behaviour or unhealthy schema in adult life.

we are struggling but trying. i dont want to be divorced twice. i always said id never stay with a cheater but when you are truly in love with someone its hard to reject them out of hand.... we have aggressively addressed therapy and bought a bundle of infidelity books. fingers crossed is all i can say... i never thought i would be in this position and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.

by smartcookie36   200 Posts
Posted on 2/26/2009 5:11 PM
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Thats awful. Was it the same gender or a girl that was doing it? People dont realize how complicated being molested can make your adult life. As a victim of it myself, I pity the people that can't rise above it. I guess it all depends on the extent. When I was a kid, its seems there was a pervert in every family. I hope he gets counseling and can pull himself out of this not only for his sake, but for yours. Kudos to you for hanging in there. Remember though, you cant fix people. All you can do is love and support them until you can not longer handle it yourself. If you need a friend, Im here:)

http://singleparentsunite.blogspot.com/
by Lori-Woodall   923 Posts
Posted on 11/20/2008 8:55 PM
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My husband is a  SA and he was molested as a child from the age of 9 to 15 by an older cousin...but that cousin was only 2 years older. i guess that is one of the reasons i use to justify me trying to hang in there...in my heart i know this isnt who he wants to be...but bc of his molestation...he has a very distorted and skewed view of sex. it hurts so much some times and i wish the pain would just stop...he keeps divulging more and more and i have to ask myself...when will i ever hear it all....when will the pain stop?
by monica1970   20 Posts
Posted on 11/20/2008 8:07 PM
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