Is Monogamy Realistic? 

I've been married for close to three years and have two children.  On a recent trip I met someone who I am terribly attracted to.  My brain has processed all the technical reasons why cheating is bad (destroys trust in the mariage, can lead to divorce which can lead to emotional, mental and financial instability for all involved).  However, I am finding out that my heart never really settled for that.  There is something that is compelling me to be with this other person and I can't even say that it is because I am in a bad mariage.  At times I feel like I settled because my husband was a good enough guy and I knew he would never leave his kids.  I feel as if I'm incapable of remaining monogamous.  It's not that i don't love my husband, I just feel the need to be able to share a moment with someone else without being judged for it.  I haven't yet gone to that extent but I'm afraid it won't take long to get there...  I don't thin monogamy is realistic when one's body has such intense reactions to another person.

That is the most fascinating thing I've heard in a long time, LOL.

What organ is that? The clitoris? If so, here is what I have learned...

The clit is a pleasure organ, but, and it is a big but, is that there is a reason for it - when stimulated, it sends the body into the reaction to create lubrication, which in turn, aids in the act of intercourse.

Besides, the clit is actually a miniturized version of a penis (I know, it sounds gross, but it's about the only way to really explain it) and it responds the same way as a male penis, including becoming engorged, but the purpose of this is to create lubrication for the act of intercourse.

That is, if I read up on things the right way...

It is for pleasure, but it actually does serve a vital role in the actual act of intercourse - it is actually a part of the vagina as a whole organ, by the way - most people just are not aware of the actual purpose of that part because it seems to serve no other purpose than for pleasure.

I've always wondered -
If men are supposed to "spread their seed," and women are supposed to just "receive the seed & have the babies" (biologically speaking of course), then why do women have the only sexual organ whose function is solely for pleasure?

Gomezz,

First of all, I admit that I do not know you, nor were my words meant to be directed strictly at men. My words were speaking more from true biology, though because we have the ability of free will and thoughts, this is a battle.

I did not mean for my words to be offensive to you at all, so I apologize if they did.

Monogamy is a difficult thing to adhere to because of our biology in general - each person is different though and I believe that men and women can be either manogomaous or not, it is in the free will of their own being and what they hold their values (such as how you pointed out love and respect).

Each person also has their views as to what level of respect is, so what one person views as disrespectful to their spouse by having/allowing/participating in an "open marriage" may not be disrespectful to another.

My viewpoint was not meant to be directed strictly at men and I was using the basis of biology for how our bodies react to other people, but the key of how realistic monogamy is lies in our brains and our morals and whether or not the other person holds those same values and morals as we do. Call it love, respect, morals, values, ethics or whatever you want...it is a personal thing for each of us and it fights our bilogical urges to "be fruitful and multiply" which applies to both men and women.

I am deeply sorry if my words offended you, because that was not my intention at all.

Aimless then you don't know me. Its possible hmmmmmm I believe they call it love and respect.  so yes men can be that way. you see it is drilled into men that any woman can be layed give the right op or word.

Ok, a man's point of view.
I am a one woman man and have always been.   so I do not understand but it sounds to me he was making excuses for his lack of it. My woman supplies my needs so she gets all my attention. I don't do it nor do I except it from my spouse. I say if you got to have other than me then go for it but with out me. Her choice is her choice I can not nor want to control her thinking.

It's a power trip for men.  The more women they can conquer, the more powerful they feel.  From a biological standpoint, they are meant to "spread their seeds".  I don't think monogamy is realistic and it is very unnatural, but in terms of evolution, having one wife and caring for his children will increase odds of survival of his genes - in terms of nutrition, shelter, security.  My husband is a really nice guy and like Trisha's, but he is a habitual liar and has wandering eyes - very bad qualities in a mate.  I truly wish I could change those bad qualities, but I can't, so my advice would be to concentrate on your own life.  Your ex shouldn't be contacting you unless you still want him bugging you.  Don't let him waste your precious time!!

aimless is right. If you know you can't be faithful to one person be honest about yourself and what you want. Don't lie to just get what you want  and then continue that lie for many years. It is devastating when the injured party finds out everyone has been living a lie.
 Having more than one relationship at a time is way too confusing and hurtful to everyone. And like duchick I got my divorce because of my spouse's cheating!!

My ex can be a really nice guy but he is about as faithful as a tom cat. Just anyone that happens to give him the time of day. That's not what I wanted out of a marriage.

In the absolute true biological sense, no, I do not fully believe that we, as humans and mamals are really "made-up" for monogamy, but each person has their own values in what they believe is the actual committment when it comes to marriage. I believe that if you are a person that cannot be faithful sexually, then you must be up front and honest with your stoon to be spouse or even if it's years later, your spouse.

Humans have evolved over time and each person has their own limits to what they can acheive when it comes to monogamy and avoiding temptation, whether it is sexual or even emotional. Some can avoid that biology better than others.

I have a friend who is a wonderful guy, though some would not like him because he is someone that, when not married, had 8 girlfriends at one time. They all knew about each other and were okay with the arrangement and he eventually married one of those 8 women many years later. Is he faithful now? No. He refuses to fight that biology. Does his wife know? I don't think so, though she knew that was the way he was during their 9 year relationship previous to marriage and he does provide for her in many ways.

He has a lot of the same views as Maher (whom I LOVE to watch) and I think he has courage to go against the norm and he actually talks about it in a very respectable manner (well, as much as can be). My friend is a wonderful man and I accept him as a serial cheater, but he does give his heart and loyalty to very few.

Is that the life for me? No and I deeply regret my affair.

I DO respect my friend and Bill Maher for being honest and open about it (well, my friend at least before he tied the knot) and if sexual fidelity is not for them, well, I still love them anyway (okay, so I love my friend...Bill Maher just is very good looking, so I love to watch him).

Personally I believe in monogamy, although it may not be realistic to expect to be with the same person for your entire life.  But I think that you commit to one person at a time; anything more is way too complicated.

A male friend and I have had several discussions about this -- his thinking is along the lines of Maher's.  Yes, he's divorced. 

Obviously I'm not a relationship expert since I'm getting divorced because of, among other things, my spouse's infidelity!