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Why I am leaving the man I still Love ! They want to Know 

Less Then a Hand full a people Know I am actually serious this time about leaving , They want to know why.

For all they ever  see is This great Guy A Man that  is there when ever they call , A man who is dying from a severely enlarged  heart  as well as two blockages and an elrictral problem with his heart as well as  high blood pressure.

 

A man  who Acts  like he love's me  with all his heart  and then some. Who Love's his  Kids ( who are young adults) who would  move Heaven & Earth for us. They Just do not Understand it at all.

For he never say's  a nasty word aboutme or about the  kids .

 

They  never see the man behind our closed Doors  or even  Worse the Man behind My bedroom door.

The man who  drinks way to much, Who takes my medication .

Who call's me  a bitch , Useless,  tell's me daily  that I am no good.

 

He will tell me I am nothing but a whore & I know it.  That My  parents even My Dad ( God rest his Soul) are no good and were rotten parents ( yet they had 10 kids  only my Dad worked  and we had  all the medical & dental care we had all we needed all the food & clothing we wanted)  His Parents  Never did that for  the  five  of them. His Parents were like Him ( God rest his Dad's Soul) His Parents were always Drunk. And The Father ate before the children what was left the 5 boy's  could have.

 

They had  no proper medical or dental at all So why he talkes about my parents I have noIdea other then to just hurt me.

Worst My Parenst loved him  untill the Day  they herd  him call me a whore.

 

My Husband  Who Sadly I  still do Love Yet I just Cannot  live with anymore .They  just do not  understand  how hard it is .

To be put down everyday. To hear  how bad a wife & mother I was I am .

That I am always too fat too thin. I have gray hair , wrinkles,  I am a moron.

 

He reminds me daily My own Family  does not Love me enouphe to help me.  That  they even  put me down and talk about me.

The not help part  is true the rest  I am not sure anymore what is true  or what he has me believing is  a fact when it is not.

 

This wonderful man they  adore will poke me  in the head  to wake me or kick the bed ,  he will wake me at  1 am 2 am  to fix his drunken  butt something to eat again!

When I refuse  the insults start., He stop taking sex from me I showed him an article that a husband  can be arrested for raping his wife . For that is what he was doing every time I sad  NO! 

It has been almost two years since we had any sexual contact  other then him Grabbing.

 

I just cannot seam to want a man who puts me down threw out the day  then want to make love  shortly after that. I cannot do it. If this makes me a bad  wife , a bad  person I gather I am.

I gather I always will be for I want no one sexually ever again. In my bed or my heart.

 

When I clean  the house it is still not clean  enouph, when I cook  it was not good enouph, when I  cry I am just a crazy Bitch who needs to put away.

 

When I work he wants  all money even  though  all my jobs all meaningless and useless.

When I do not work I am a lazy bitch  who will not contribute to the household.

he wants  items for christmas  from that  are in thousnads of Dollars  and I go onto Finacialy trouble to get  just to make him happy  yet he finds something wrong with what I did. when I don't  I am worthless and cannot even buy him what he wants.

 

when i ask for something I am not deserving enouph for it.  He will let me know  when and if I ever am . He said he is only kidding it is all a joke his insults  his  bad remarks his hurtful words.

It is all in fun & I have  no sense of humor.

So This is part  /some of the reason's why I want  out of this marriage .

 

Tell me  even though I still love him  yet want to leave  him  am I wrong ?

by AuntBirdy  189 Posts 

Posted on 8/10/2008 4:59 PM
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Comments for "Why I am leaving the man I still Love ! They want to Know"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)




I am responding why I love this  evil man , well  hold  him in my heart  a small part yet still  have him in there.

I was married before to my childhood love for almost five years  OCT 81 I lost my son  due to his  so called love for me . After  two and half years  of test , surgeries and  fertility pills  I never conceive again. Three specialist said I never would again. Scar  tissue, cyst on my ovaries  and not ovulating properly  was the problem they said. So Husband #1 left me  for one of his  lovers ( THANK THE LORD) Then I  hooked up with Dan  . I had to intention  on marriage  love  any of that  junk he was  to be  just a friend  with  benefits as they say now.
Then I found out  i was pregnant!  I thought my spotting as the car tissue and cyst so I went to get checked for the spotting did not stop and I was told the baby was fine.(BOY WAS I SHOCKED FLOORED )
My body was cleaning its self out.
This Man gave me  a child ! A child I  dreamed of and  wanted-ed craved , cried for , for years.  A perfect little girl who at 6 wk stopped breathing from  sudden Infant death syndrome . He saved  her life! We did it as a team  he took  infant CPR  classes when he found  out I was  with Child.
Then  two and half  years later another  child again with out  trying  even using birth control .
This time a boy. I swore No matter what  as much as this man  has hurt me, I will always  love him & hold  him in  a part of my heart forever. I am grateful to him no matter how much he hates me. That  is why I still Love  him & hold him in My heart. I am no longer in love  with him . yet  I love him for  helping  me  ,God  give me a miracle A dream. A chld
by AuntBirdy   189 Posts
Posted on 8/12/2008 3:34 AM
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Birdy, I don't understand how anyone can love a person who treats them so badly.  Actions speak louder than words, and no matter how many times he tells you he loves you (if he ever does), his actions and the way he abuses you clearly says that he neither loves you nor respects you.  Lady, let him go.  He's bad news, and you don't need him.  You are worth more than that.  You deserve respect, just as everyone does.

Look what he has done to you.  He has destroyed your self respect, self image, and self worth, not to mention your desire for intimacy.  From what you say about your parents and your childhood, you came from a loving home.  You weren't taught low self worth by your parents.  He is responsible for that.  That is despicable and he will ultimately answer for it.  But you owe it to yourself to get out of there.  Salvage what's left of yourself, and see if you can recover some of what he took from you.  Get out of there!
by 2much42long   3035 Posts
Posted on 8/10/2008 7:37 PM
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Birdy,
Trust me...your family will jump at the chance to help you and get you out of there, away from him.  Your relationship with them suffered as a result of them seeing him do this to you and you letting him. If you ask them for help and show them you mean it.....I betcha they would in a heartbeat.
  And you love him because of the history or because you feel you have nothing going for you. We always love the one that hurt us the most and we always try harder to win thier love. Look at what your daughter did just minutes after he was done berating her? She sold yo out to please him. It is a cycle. End it and get out while you can.
by Branny   838 Posts
Posted on 8/10/2008 7:07 PM
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