Less Then a Hand full a people Know I am actually serious this time about leaving , They want to know why.
For all they ever see is This great Guy A Man that is there when ever they call , A man who is dying from a severely enlarged heart as well as two blockages and an elrictral problem with his heart as well as high blood pressure.
A man who Acts like he love's me with all his heart and then some. Who Love's his Kids ( who are young adults) who would move Heaven & Earth for us. They Just do not Understand it at all.
For he never say's a nasty word aboutme or about the kids .
They never see the man behind our closed Doors or even Worse the Man behind My bedroom door.
The man who drinks way to much, Who takes my medication .
Who call's me a bitch , Useless, tell's me daily that I am no good.
He will tell me I am nothing but a whore & I know it. That My parents even My Dad ( God rest his Soul) are no good and were rotten parents ( yet they had 10 kids only my Dad worked and we had all the medical & dental care we had all we needed all the food & clothing we wanted) His Parents Never did that for the five of them. His Parents were like Him ( God rest his Dad's Soul) His Parents were always Drunk. And The Father ate before the children what was left the 5 boy's could have.
They had no proper medical or dental at all So why he talkes about my parents I have noIdea other then to just hurt me.
Worst My Parenst loved him untill the Day they herd him call me a whore.
My Husband Who Sadly I still do Love Yet I just Cannot live with anymore .They just do not understand how hard it is .
To be put down everyday. To hear how bad a wife & mother I was I am .
That I am always too fat too thin. I have gray hair , wrinkles, I am a moron.
He reminds me daily My own Family does not Love me enouphe to help me. That they even put me down and talk about me.
The not help part is true the rest I am not sure anymore what is true or what he has me believing is a fact when it is not.
This wonderful man they adore will poke me in the head to wake me or kick the bed , he will wake me at 1 am 2 am to fix his drunken butt something to eat again!
When I refuse the insults start., He stop taking sex from me I showed him an article that a husband can be arrested for raping his wife . For that is what he was doing every time I sad NO!
It has been almost two years since we had any sexual contact other then him Grabbing.
I just cannot seam to want a man who puts me down threw out the day then want to make love shortly after that. I cannot do it. If this makes me a bad wife , a bad person I gather I am.
I gather I always will be for I want no one sexually ever again. In my bed or my heart.
When I clean the house it is still not clean enouph, when I cook it was not good enouph, when I cry I am just a crazy Bitch who needs to put away.
When I work he wants all money even though all my jobs all meaningless and useless.
When I do not work I am a lazy bitch who will not contribute to the household.
he wants items for christmas from that are in thousnads of Dollars and I go onto Finacialy trouble to get just to make him happy yet he finds something wrong with what I did. when I don't I am worthless and cannot even buy him what he wants.
when i ask for something I am not deserving enouph for it. He will let me know when and if I ever am . He said he is only kidding it is all a joke his insults his bad remarks his hurtful words.
It is all in fun & I have no sense of humor.
So This is part /some of the reason's why I want out of this marriage .
Tell me even though I still love him yet want to leave him am I wrong ?