Should We Feel Sorry For the "Other Woman"? 

There is a new book out written by a woman who has dated numerous married men. Her book is written for women who have affairs with married men. This author actually claims that the other women often suffers the most when the relationship ends.

Maybe I am biased, having dealt with my husband's crazy mistress, but I just do not have much sympathy for a woman who knowingly dates another woman's husband. I don't care what he tells you, how bad his marriage is, how unhappy he is and so on. He is still married.

Women who date married men are behaving selfishly, in my opinion. They are going to hurt others, including their lover's wife and children. I cannot see any good reason to put yourself in that kind of position. Is it low self-esteem? Do you just not care who you hurt? Do you use the excuse that you are just so "in love" that you cannot help yourself?

Granted there are marriages where one partner is miserable and feels like the marriage is over.That is when the person who wants out needs to either go to marriage counseling or ask for a divorce. Having an affair only complicates things and hurts people.

I had a good friend several years ago who was having an affair with a married man. She begged me not to judge her, knowing that I was still reeling form my husband's affair at the time. I put my judgement aside and tried to be supportive when she explained that her lover did not love his wife anymore and that she slept on the couch and there marriage has been over for many months, etc. After some time, it become clear that this man was not going to leave his wife and that it was more than likely his wife had no idea that their marriage was over.

My friend, the other woman, was dumped, left with the fact that she wasted almost a year in a relationship that went nowhere. In that respect, I do feel bad for women who have affairs with married men. The are in a no-win situation and their actions can only cause pain to themselves and others. But, as grown women, they must understand that they are making a choice to have a relationship with someone who is not free to love them unconditionally.I think if more women respected themselves and had higher self-esteem, a charming, sweet talking married man would not have the same effect on them and they would walk away for a potential affair.

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