I AM SO DEPRESSED 

it will be a year in august, the 23 to be excat, when will i stop hurting and when will i stop looking for his car. when will i stop wondering what he and she are doing? right now they BOTH are living in our home until it is sold. i was under so much emotional stress durning the divorce and had a CRAP lawyer! , that i said he could live in the martial home until sold. i left because the night i came home and confronted him about his "friend" that he works with "only", he beat the crap out of me i waited until he went to sleep and grabbed some clothes and ran. i know, after 2 years of therapy this is called co-dependency, but it still DOES NOT TAKE THE HURT AWAY!!!  i treated him like a king for  39 yrs. (most of the time i was afarid not to) i worked like a man doing things i should NEVER have done,lifting gravely tractors just so he would not get mad and cuss me. i kept a perfect home, always cooked and baked everything he loved, i never raised my voice to him until the last 2yrs. that is AFTER i caught him with his "friend", i left then went back, that was my first mistake, i DID accuse and fight with him almost on a daily basis, i followed him to work trying to catch him and her, (i just was not quick enough) my kids were mad that i went back (he verberally & emotinally abused them all their life) sometimes i get so depressed i dont care if i wake up or not. if it were not for me being such a chicken i would have gone away a long time ago. i JUST WANT TO KNOW "WHY" AND WHEN WILL IT NOT HURT ANYMORE?