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Going to be a rough night...

This is the bad time of day for me. The kids are in bed, STBX is off doing whatever (or whoever) he's doing, and I'm alone. Everything is taken care of for the day, and it's quiet...too quiet. This is when it gets edgy and broody for me.

Tried my usual remedies...glass of wine, check. Nice bubble bath, check. Chopin's Nocturnes on the iPod, check. Try deep breathing exercises. Nothing is working. Nothing is working. Get out of the tub and dry off, put on comfy pjs.

Nothing on TV. Pacing around the house. Can't settle down with a good book or a movie. All the little wheels in my head are going 1,000 miles an hour and I'm working myself into a rip-roaring case of the screaming mee-mees, second guessing myself with all the "what-ifs" and "if-onlys." I don't love him anymore and I definitely don't want him anymore, but I can't help thinking about what I could have done differently so that we didn't end up in this place. Gah.

So I'm turning to this journal because I feel the need to talk to SOMEONE, even if it's only a collection of wires and circuits and electrons floating around in cyberspace.

Thanks for listening. Just typing this out is making me feel a little better.

Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight, and tomorrow will be better.

by duchick 619 Posts

Posted on 7/18/2008 8:46 PM

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Comments for "Going to be a rough night..." (8) (You must be logged in to answer)

I'm sorry I didn't see this until just now. I've been self absorbed in my own loneliness and I haven't been looking at other people's posts.
Tonight it is my turn. I've been very busy lately and I haven't even thought about it. Today I had some time on my hands and I started thinking. Dang I hate being lonely!
I think the key for all of us is to stay busy doing positive things for ourselves and our children. Eventually, I hope that we will all be better off for going through this.
I'm glad you are feeling better and I hope you don't have any more nights like that.
I'm going to read my book now and take my mind off of things.

by RichBrewer 214 Posts
Posted on 7/20/2008 10:00 PM

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Today was a bit better. We had our son's birthday party today for all his friends. But then I started feeling sad as I realized that this is the last time we'll be together as a family for this. God, I am all over the place -- I miss our life together when things were good between us -- and they were for a while.

Most of all, I miss the friendship that I used to have with STBX. We were each other's best friends for such a long time, and could tell each other anything. I think I miss that more than the sexual part of our relationship. I still find myself thinking, oh, I need to tell STBX such and such when things happen throughout the day, and then I have to remember that we aren't that person to each other anymore.

by duchick 619 Posts
Posted on 7/19/2008 7:49 PM

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I know how you feel too. For me it is the mornings when I get home from work and the house is empty and the kids are gone. Alone time is a lousy thing for me. I can not stop thinking about stuff and it drives me crazy!!

by dyben 618 Posts
Posted on 7/19/2008 11:58 AM

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Duchick, I feel for you! I had this one last night too! Often a run helps if you have the energy to run before the nice wine and bubble bath. :)
Good luck!

by lizm 707 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2008 10:51 PM

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Yes, we are still in the same house for the next couple of weeks. I'm moving out August 6.

Feeling a bit better now, I think I'll just go to bed and try to sleep.

I hear you on the getting out thing but unfortunately, he beats me to it and I obviously can't leave the kids here by themselves. So I'll just do the best I can for the next little while.

Thanks to all!

by duchick 619 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2008 9:15 PM

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www.bored.com

good way to waste time, just ask my employees....

or if you need humor - surf u-tube

when I have a restless night, kids are asleep hubs is at the hospital & my mind is on a case - I break out a jigsaw puzzle and cover our dining room table with it - I got into the 3D ones for a while - right now there is a 5000 piece one of a field of flowers/landscape...

by spaznskitz 8478 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2008 9:05 PM

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Duchick, Stop blaming yourself or thinking you could have done differently. He ruined your marriage, he broke his vows, he lied not you!
Who knows why they do the things they do, but you can't beat yourself up about it.
You need to get out of the house too sometimes. Do you have some friends or family you can have a nice night out with? leave him watching the kids. ( I think your still living together, not sure)

Sounds like your getting a Pity flu bug ( I just discovered this disease, I'll be rich if I find the cure) that Elane had last night.
Just hang in there. Hopefully there will be some of us here to keep you company.

by asim 775 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2008 9:01 PM

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I know what you mean. I do the same thing and the nights are the worse. No matter what you do they come back the next night.

by bleedinglovepain 760 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2008 8:53 PM

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Going to be a rough night...

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