Men hate depending on women 

 I try to rescue these lost boys, in the hopes that they’ll love me, and rescue me in turn.  Why doesn’t this work?  Men hate to be rescued by women.  Make a man dependent on you and he will hate you forever.   This particular type of relationship is where the most horrendous divorce stories come from, including mine.

 

  I’ll never forget my old friend Jo Ann who took care of her neer-do-well husband for 20 years.  Somehow, although he had a law degree which he obtained while she supported him,  he could never manage to get or keep a job and she had to pay all the bills.  However, she stayed with him because he was so loving and nurturing.   She told me how it bothered her that  he never wanted to socialize—all he wanted was to be with her, he worshipped and adored her so much.  He would make her breakfast in bed, bring her flowers, shower her with compliments, insist on spending every minute with her.   They never had children because she felt one child was enough--him.   Finally she had had it and forced him to move out and get his own apartment and pay his own rent.   They still spent all their time together, however.   She assumed that he would finally get a job, learn to be self-sufficient and move back in with her.  

 

 Fat chance.   He got a job as a lawyer for a hefty salary and the first thing he did was take up with a young female colleague.  He asked Jo Ann for a divorce,  immediately remarried and had a baby with the new wife.  

 

At the time Jo Ann was suffering a lot of health problems and could barely work enough to pay her rent.   He refused to support her, fighting her in court for every penny she asked for.  While all this was going on he periodically called her and cried on her shoulder about his new wife and all his new problems,.    Jo Ann was so accustomed to taking care of him that she actually listened and gave advice until she finally weaned herself away from the creep.   But she was a broken woman.    She went into a steep decline physically and emotionally, aging 10 years overnight.   The last time I spoke to her she was still just surviving, still bravely coping with her health problems but barely.   Her ex had gone on to be a big shot at a major law firm but had stopped paying support and wouldn’t give her a penny.    She’d been so  traumatized by her divorce that she never wanted to be with another man again.