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Should I stay married for the kids sake? 

Staying married because of the kids. That's not a new concept.  It's certainly not one I agree with.  Yes, ideally when we have kids with our spouse we envision staying together as a family until the kids are grown.  But what happens when your marriage starts crumbling?  Is it better for the kids if you all stay together under one roof when the stress and tension of a failing marriage are high? 

Do you really want to subject your kids to negative energy that surrounds you and your spouse every day?  I am all for trying to make a marriage work.  I'm not at all an advocate for divorce.  However, I only think that people should stay in a marriage because they are working through the issues and growing together, and it is improving.  I would never recomend staying in an empty relationship filled with anger and hard feelings just for the kids' sake.  Is that really the example you want to set for your kids?  That you are not worth happiness?  That stuffing your feelings and feeling low and empty all of the time is acceptable.  Do you want your kids to feel like tension you can cut with a knife is normal?  Do you want them exposed to all of the fighting, passive aggressive behavior, or even just emptiness? 

I'm not saying that living in a shared custody situation is necessarily easy for kids.  It's not.  But to have a mom and a dad who are happier as individuals is bound to make their entire growing up experience a much more positive one.  You will have plenty of opportunity to teach them about commitment and followthrough without having to be the sacrificial lamb in the process. 

Besides, you may eventually find yourself in a wonderful relationship that will set an incredible example of balance, give and take, honesty and so on.  So, think about it carefully.  Staying just for the kids may not be the most wise decision we make as parents.  Though going is not easy, the tradeoffs may be worth it in the long run.
by DK-Simoneau  189 Posts 

Posted on 6/27/2008 10:08 AM
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Tags: divorce , kids , stay together , shared ,
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Comments for "Should I stay married for the kids sake?"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)




Except in cases of abuse, repeated infidelity, or addiction, I think staying together for the kids is a good thing. Women tend to suffer financially after a divorce. Divorce always affects children negatively. You can make nice with your spouse even if they are immature jerks...and you can do it so your kids have an intact home and you are all better off financially. It is not impossible and it does not have to make you a miserable slob either.
by blueship   1 Post
Posted on 6/25/2009 2:16 PM
0





This is a tough and controversial subject. There are no right or wrong answers, nor are there any simplistic black and white solutions. I am sharing my own perspective, based on my own life experiences. I welcome you to contribute your own perspective as long as you are respectful of the rights of others to see the world in a different light.   I am the author of a new book about parenting and divorce. I also grew up in a family that stayed together for the sake of the kids, so I have a good perspective on both sides of this topic. Obviously neither option is one any family would choose – they both create pain and hurt.   However, I am opting in on the side of divorce as preferable to years of living in a home where parents fight, disrespect one another and children grow up surrounded by sadness and anger. That’s the world I grew up in and the scars are still with me today, many decades later. There is no positive role model of how marriage can and should be lived. Happiness, harmony, collaboration, respect and joy are all absent when parents are emotionally divorced while still living together. Children feel it, are confused by it, often blame themselves, are usually guilt-ridden and experience little peace in childhood. 

if children are being raised in a war zone or in the silence and apathy of sleep-walking through a dead marriage, divorce may open the door to a healthier, happier future for all concerned. But only – and this is the key point

-- only if parents consciously work on creating a harmonious, collaborative child-centered divorce that puts the children’s emotional and psychological needs first!

by Roz   18 Posts
Posted on 12/29/2008 2:48 PM
2





This is simple, my girls are 1 &1/2... I brush my hair and they brush their hair, I laugh and they laugh, I stir something and they want a cup and spoon to stir something too...... you get the point. Children mimic what they are exposed to. There are wonderful examples all around them of happily married couples both in their Grandparents and in their Aunts and Uncles. It is not my job to teach them that happiness is only found in ONE form but to teach them to determine the situation that brings THEM their OWN happiness. When my loves grow up I want them to mimic nothing more than my smile each and every day of their lives be that in a wonderful marriage or on their own.
by itmustbeme   422 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2008 1:15 PM
2





This is simple, my girls are 1 &1/2... I brush my hair and they brush their hair, I laugh and they laugh, I stir something and they want a cup and spoon to stir something too...... you get the point. Children mimic what they are exposed to. There are wonderful examples all around them of happily married couples both in their Grandparents and in their Aunts and Uncles. It is not my job to teach them that happiness is only found in ONE form but to teach them to determine the situation that brings THEM their OWN happiness. When my loves grow up I want them to mimic nothing more than my smile each and every day of their lives be that in a wonderful marriage or on their own.
by itmustbeme   422 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2008 1:13 PM
0







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