Someday I'll smile again! 

I am so sad. Even though My art career may be taking off (I have an appointment with a gallery owner on friday who likes my work and wants to set up a show) and my therapy sessions are going great.
I am so sad!
I am hopeful about the future, and enthusiastic, as I'm finally facing the issues that caused my marriage to fall apart. On the one hand, thanks to therapy and a lot of soul searching, I feel a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and my mind is not clouded by doubt and past issues anymore. On the other hand, the love of my life is gone.
I have had nothing but emotional highs and lows ever since my wife told me she wanted a divorce. Some days I am almost excited about getting an apartment, and moving into the future without yers of mental baggage.
Other days, I see her smile, and her beautiful eyes, and it physically hurts.
The first week or so of this, I actully kept hoping I would wake up and find it was nothing but a dream.
I've been a lifeling Boston Celtics fan, but last night as they won the championship, I almost didn't even care. I watched the game and the celebration more for posterity, in case they don't win it again for another 20 plus years. But in reality, I really don't care.
Tuesday morning I spoke with the art gallery Owner, and initially I was so happy i could almost literally explode. Here i was getting validation for a lifeling dream of mine, to be a succesful artist. And I wanted to call my wife to share the news SO BADLY. But I didn't. That happiness lasted for an hour, maybe two.
I am trying so hard to be positive. To be hopeful. To be enthusiastic.
I know one day it will get easier, it will be better, and i will move on.
But right now, I have such a hard time imagining those days.
Despite the fact I have a tremendous imagination, and can create places that don't exist, and images that live in my head.
Right now, I cannot imagine life without her!
I miss her so bad. And it's only just begun!