Suicidal Again (naturally) 

Crying again today.  "Eva" this and "Eva" that.  It's so sickening and I just want some release from the pain he causes me.  I can't leave him yet, though.  Everytime I think it's too much to bear, I look at Cade and just can't imagine telling him that we have to go.  I just try to keep going for his sake.  Some days are harder than others, though.  Ken can go for days without talking about Eva, but then something happens and he just wants to rub her in my face.   I hosted a cookout on Sunday for sort of a combination Father's Day/my sister's birthday (her birthday is June 11).  When I told him we were having people over, of course he just had to ask me if I had invited Jaymes and Eva.  I said "No," and he began pouting.  He pouts that I don't invite the woman he's really in love with to our house.  So this is day three of his anger at me for not having her over and not wanting to be bff's with her so he can stare at her giant implants and make his googly eyes at her and completely ignore me all evening.  How sadistic can he get?  Who knows? I guess we'll find out, although one would think that would be the ultimate in sadistic.  Then he says he's mad because he can't have the people he wants to have come over.  I told him I can't stop him--I'll just go somewhere else while they're here.  That's not good enough for him--he wants me to be here so he can enjoy humiliating me by drooling all over her in my face.