Pin the Tail on the Conclusion. 

"Hi! Happy Birthday."
"You're a minute earl--nevermind. Thanks!"

That was my first birthday wish this year. A friend called at midnight. It was nice. I appreciated hearing somebody say, "hey!" This is my second birthday since MyUnwife "left" so I'm already a trained expert, but still I liked call.

I'm sure MyUnwife is celebrating in her own way. I've checked the car for explosives and there was nothing there, so I think she's trying to surprise me. My front door was rigged to the power line outside. I think that might have some part in a surprise. I'll let somebody else check that to be sure.
 
"If you could just grab the door knob…"

I'm not worried. Today is my day, not hers. She gets Christmas. That was in the settlement. I used to give her a reindeer hunting license every year. She liked that. The neighbor kids were always a bit disturbed, and disappointed when Santa wouldn't land on their roof. Every Christmas they were snubbed. Uneaten cookies and milk sitting in the kitchen, reindeer meat floating in the pool. It was a birthday tradition.

I don't really have any birthday traditions except getting older. I do that every birthday. I tend to take birthday's on a case by case basis. During my marriage, I went out for dinner so MyUnwife wouldn't have to cook. That was our tradition. This year is a fresh year. This year is fresh traditions. This year I cooked for myself.

My meal is already made. I have a summer birthday. I prepared a summer meal. I made some barbeque pork, coleslaw and potato salad. I bought a good beer to go with it, and I'm thinking I may go out and find me a key lime pie for desert. That's a birthday.

When I was a kid it was all about the pomp and circumstance. Now I'm older, it's more about "oops" and repentance. It's looking to make my next year better than the last. What do I need to make that happen?

"I don't know Mr. Hand."
"That's a great answer Mr. Spicoli…"

See? It's just like the birthday games we used to play as a kid. Remember pin the tail on the donkey? Some idiot would spin you dizzy with a fuzzy tack in your grasp and send you out in search of some cartoon goal to pin your hopes on. Where you thought you were going, and where you ended up sticking were completely different. That's a life of birthdays.

The object is knowing that you probably will end up somewhere else, and make the best of it. Sure, the donkey is still tailless but your chaperone now has a distinctive limp and will think twice about that "spinning you silly" misleading thing again (yeah, and they always thought that was an accident. Sure it was. That and piñata bat riot, all accidents…).

My Dad emailed me. He wished me "relief on the divorce front." Yeah. That's a good wish. At this point there isn't much to relieve. The divorce is all but over, and there's nothing much either of us can do to alter it's course. Still, it will be good to see the whole thing in the rearview. That's a goal I can accomplish. That and enjoying this birthday. I'm going to do that.

If your donkey-tail leads you here, you can stop in for a bite. I have enough food to feed Sally Struthers for a week. Yeah, I know! I'm stocking up.