How Do You Tell Your Spouse You Want A Divorce? 

After reading what you wrote, I thought I had wrote it myself.  I've asked for a divorce, but still live together due to financial reasons.  I have agreed to a seperation once the house sells, but the only reason I did that was to keep things civil at home for the kids sake.  We have been communication so much better, but I still don't think I have what it takes to make it work.  I just want out and I've told him this on several different occasions.  I was waiting until we live seperately to finally tell him no to trying to work at it and just let me go.  Sometimes, I feel, I'm just leading him on and I probably am, but what more can I do to make sure things at home are somewhat normal for the kids?

I agree.  And I think you guys all brought up something I probably should have included in my journal.  It is important to keep safety as your main priority.  If you fear for your own safety, or if you're being advised by an attorney or a therapist to do it in a public place, that's a different story.  I hope everyone has found peace in their situations.

my ex told me by phone.  he called from a hotel room (with i'm assuming his girlfriend). it was 3 am.   it was 2 wks before xmas. i was home with our kids.  i answered the phone and he said 'i'm not coming home...i want a divorce'.

Jowi,
Thank you. I was being over sensitive wasn't I? It had been a long hot day for me. Too much sun and too much heat. Will do it to me everytime.

No. I am just expressing my point of view in my situation, so It is not directed at you.  You have had to go through something much worse that I have.  I think you did what you had to do.

I had to serve my ex at the airport. If he had come to the house I would have lost the grounds I was using to get my divorce. S.C. has a no co-habitation clause. That means he could not come in the house at all or do the things we usually did as a married couple. If he had contested the divorce on the grounds that we had co-habitated I would not have been able to use the Chinese "wife"( I had the marrige license) or the little boy in the Philippines ( I acquired the birth certificate) he quit supporting or his alcoholism or the other things I found out about that I don't want to discuss ever. The court could have assumed that all was "forgiven" and I could not get the assets that I was entitled to.
 
I am not cowardly. I followed my very experienced attys. advice. That's what I paid him for and my therapist advised the same thing. I always respected my husband but the respect and care was not returned. I was advised to serve him at the airport for my own safety and to have nothing to do with him until I could determine if he was in a stable frame of mind. He did not want the divorce. Said he did not marry the Chinese girl; but she thinks she is married to him.

None of this was my fault or the other women's fault. When a person presents  hisself as single how can it be anyone's fault but his. I have found there were many women and he has cheated on the new wife several times.
 
I tried to set  boundaries in our relationship. He by-passed them and hid what he was doing. It was a game for him.  He will manipulate to get what he wants and lie to your face while he stabs you in the back. I still show him respect and will help him out on occassion if he is not playing one of his many games. He is a very likeable guy as long as you are not maried to him. I hope the other two  postings were not directed at me. You would have to walk in my shoes to understand why he had to be served that way.

I told my husband when we were alone, I think doing it in public, unless you are in an abusive relationshsip and you are in fear of being physically hurt, we all owe each other that.  I was talked back into trying counseling......

My ex husband told me pretty much out of the blue one night that he wanted a separation.  I was completely shocked and so hurt.  I know we did not have a lovey-duvey relationship, but I seriously thought we had a good marriage.  We had our moments, but in general I thought things were good.  I wanted to talk to him for a few weeks about just trying to work our relationship a little bit and then he said he wanted out.  Everything was down hill from there.  Little did I know that he was already cheating on me at that time.  He did tell me he wanted the separation while we were at home in private while our children were already asleep....so at least that was good.  People who did it out in public.....well that is just wrong.  I think that would be cowardly.  The other person deserves the respect to be able to react however without worrying about composing themselves in front of strangers.

I had my ex served at the airport as soon as he got off the plane. Not the thing you would ordinarily do. Let me say that he was working in Algeria in the Sahara desert. I went thru 4 attys. I hired the one who could tell me how to serve papers on him in Algeria. Apparently the U S Embassy will serve the papers for a small fee. I couldn't see having somone from the U S Embassy trying to serve papers on my ex and having to find him amid the sand and the camels.

He had sent his new "wife's" clothes home in his shipment and her laptop was left at our house and I was told I could use it. Well their pictures were on it and he was wearing a wedding band. That's the first thing he said he could not wear when we married. He is an electrician and most of them don't wear rings.

He was coming in for his two weeks of R&R so we chose the airport. I think he wanted the divorce and wasn't man enough to say so. After all he did "marry" her. He called me from the airport and wanted to know if I was picking him up. I was speechless. He finally said he knew I had been told not to be at the airport but how was he to get to our town. I told him to use his credit card and rent a car and I would follow him the next day to take it back. Do I regret doing it that way. Not really. I wanted my divorce and didn't want to travel the world to find him.
We are on speaking terms when he wants something and I only wish him well as long as he doesn't play his games on me. I wish he had been more honest with me and he still is a terrible liar about everything. I was the one who had to tell our daughter. He ducked out on that too.