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Sex, is it really that important? 

And the answer to that question is, absolutely!! I know people that have been in relationships for years. Some of them say they can take it or leave it. I have to disagree. I believe that if you have a strong sexual relationship, everything else can fall into place. There are heated moments that you get into with your significant other. These include arguing, yelling, throwing shoes, name calling, passing the buck, playing the blame game..whatever. Now, lets defuse that situation and add a little one on one time, VOILA!! What you were just arguing about a few minutes ago was suddenly replaced by euphoria and the ultimate climax. Heck, you dont even remember what you were fighting about. The stresses of everyday life can be a bit overwhelming at time. Things don't go as they should and people make you mad. You then come home and take it out on the ones you love. It isnt intentional, it just happens. Next time, try just going straight for the sex. Bypass the small talk and lead your man into the bedroom. What a wonderful way to relieve stress. If a man doesn't do it for you right off the bat, show him what you want. The same goes for the men. We are two different species who are never on the same page at the same time. You have to communicate both outside and inside the bedroom. The connection that you have with that special someone can only be enhanced when you become one with each other. Lets face it, you are never more vulnerable than when you're naked. Giving yourself mind, body, and soul to someone is an awesome gift and it should never be pushed to the side no matter how long you've been together. The conclusion, sex IS very important. We don't need it to survive but it sure does make survival on this planet a much nicer experience. Do you agree? If you've been married for multiple years, think back to the beginning. There, wasnt that a wonderful bunch of memories? Find the time and stop making excuses. It could be one of the most rewarding necessities that you do (for yourself and your partner) in your every day life.
by Lori-Woodall  923 Posts 

Posted on 4/3/2008 8:52 PM
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Comments for "Sex, is it really that important?"  (5) (You must be logged in to answer)




p.s. sorry for the spelling errors... getting used to a new keyboard...  ugh... frustration!!
by Lisa Cannon   
Posted on 10/3/2009 1:14 AM
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HI Lori -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360. 

I agree with your post in part.  Sex is fully one third of every long term committed relationship.  It is an important way for partners to stay connected and physically healthy...  seniors who enjoy a steady sexual connection tend to be healthier and live longer...  It is also a vital part of feeling good about oneself.

All that aside, sex is also an external expression of what is going on in a relationship.  When partners are having difficult times due to disease, personal loss, job loss,  economic stress or child rearing problems, their sexual activites and desire for sexual release may wane.  As people age their sexuality changes as well.  Compassion and tenderness are reequired to get through the difficult times and back to balance. 

It is common for couples who do not have effective communication skills to face challenges in their relationships.  Using their sexual activity and their personal desire for sexual release as a barometer can give partners an early indication that there are underlying issues that nead clarification and resolution.

There is much to be said for spontenaety and pursuit on an occasional basis.  It can greatly enhance the quality of a couples sexual experience.  There is also much to be said for planned "sex dates" when partners have busy lives and family, job and chores leave partners exhausted and unwilling.  

The one area to watch out for is using sexual activity as a substitute for love. Sex is not a substitute for intimacy which requires emotional availability and trust.

by Lisa Cannon   
Posted on 10/3/2009 1:10 AM
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No, sex doesnt solve everything...but I do think it can be used to defuse a situation. I find that its easier to open up after sex. You are no longer angry at each other and can talk like two rational people. No, it doesnt fix a relationship that is already on the rocks. However, for a relationship that only has a few rough edges, it sure wouldnt hurt and you might even enjoy it.
by Lori-Woodall   923 Posts
Posted on 4/4/2008 11:48 PM
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I have to agree with you qq. I strong intimate relationship is important. You are able to express love an acceptance with your partner that you cant put into words, but it should NEVER be used to solve problems. I don't think that just because two people have a strong intimate relationship it means that everything else in their relationship will fall into place.
My ex ( together 4 years, married 9 months) and I had a very healthy, strong intimate relationship, but we are divorced now (less than a year into marriage, he filed for divorce behind my back). And ironically enough he accused me of using sex to get "closer" to him instead of working on deeper connections that had nothing to do with sex. He actually tried to compare us to his parents who had been married for 40 years. Call me crazy, but as a newlywed one of the best privileges is being able to be intimate with your partner as much as you want. Now looking back, I know he was feeding me bullshit like that to accuse me and make me feel guilty of "ruining" the marriage, but it just goes to show that sex is not the most important aspect of a marriage.
by sadgal   11 Posts
Posted on 4/4/2008 5:10 PM
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I AGREE THAT SEX IS A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP;ATLEAST TO MOST PEOPLE. I AM DIVORCED, BUT I CAN SAY ME AND MY EX-HUBBY HAD A VERY STRONG SEXUAL ATTRACTION FOR EACH OTHER, IN WHICH MORE OFTEN THAN NOT WAS HOW WE SOLVED OUR CONFLICTS WITH EACH OTHER.UNFORTUNATLEY THEY NEVER REALLY GOT SOLVED, ONLY FOR THE TIME BENG SET ASIDE.SO, YES A GOOD SEX LIFE HELPS FOR THE TIME BEING, BUT IT WILL NEVER BE A PROBLEM SOLVER.SO I GUESS IF YOU HAVE GOOD COMMUNICATION, AND GOOD SEX THEN YOU CAN'T LOSE.
by gg   18 Posts
Posted on 4/4/2008 12:55 PM
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