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Are You Dating A Divorced Man? Know What You are Getting Into 

 If you are dating a divorced man with children, you need to fully understand what you are getting yourself into. It irks me when women date a divorced man and then complain that their boyfriend is paying too much child support and alimony.

 Give me a break. You have to expect that if your boyfriend has an ex-wife and kids, he must fulfill his financial and parental obligations to his first family. Dating a divorced man is not like dating a man who has never been married before. Many women knowingly date these men and then get upset when he does not have the money or the time to spend on them.

 Any decent man will put his kids first before your relationship. If you are not willing to accept the baggage that comes with dating a divorced man you should date someone who has never been married. Here are few things to expect while dating a divorce man:

1. Unless he is wealthy, he will have less money to spend on dinners out, vacations and other luxuries.

2. He will be spending time with his children. If you want him all to yourself, you are out of luck.

3. He must deal with his ex-wife when it comes to raising his children. You need to accept her as part of his life and get over your resentment.

Finally, if you plan on marrying a divorced man and want to have children, do not complain that there will be less money for your household because he pays child support. You knew about his obligations to his children before you married him. Also be aware that you will have a whole new set of issues with step children. There is nothing wrong with dating a divorced man and you can have a wonderful relationship, if you go into it with your eye wide open and know what to expect.
by Christina-Rowe  298 Posts 

Posted on 4/27/2008 1:50 AM
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Tags: dating after divorce , dating a divorced man , divorce advice , divorce advice for women
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Comments for "Are You Dating A Divorced Man? Know What You are Getting Into"  (14) (You must be logged in to answer)

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by topjerseyssite   8 Posts
Posted on 5/21/2012 7:05 AM

I knew all of it and I hope I didn't insist as I did. I spent months of my life trying to believe things would work out in name of love till it hits me badly. No weekends night out, no money, no freedom to go to a trip, being always second plan, celebrating a promotion without him cause he had to be with his kids and lots more. This "kids come first" is not nice. I mean, of course you gotta love your kids and attend their needs, but someday they will go away, and if you always put your partner in second when kids go to college your relationship will be done, without love and full of resentments. I truly believe if you have kids and have the opinion that only who does understand the love. Well, find someone who have kids too. Men with kids now only if he can share his attention. Only if he won't feel guilty getting a week off to spend away only with me. Only if he can understand that kids are needy, but women also need to feel loved. Even if she is second in your heart, you don't have to tell her or make her feel it.
by flowerdeliz   2 Posts
Posted on 4/5/2012 12:02 PM

WEll I wont be paying child support and I wont be paying alimony but I will be rearing my oldest on a full time basis and I am able to juggle my relationship with my girlfriend and my kids as it takes a special woman to allow herself to a mother figure to kids that are not her own.

Bless my soul as I could have been through a lot worse.
by gregory1969   1991 Posts
Posted on 3/1/2012 7:53 PM

Great post. I been on both sides. My ex, (who is living with his shank) pays good. But she has him tied up as far as "time available" to see my kids. Granted they are able to drive to see him now and I do encourage that.
I have dated a divorced man with two kids for a year, before I dumped him. He was a sweet man, but his ex was NUTTS! And he had lost his job and needed to live with the ex...too crazy for me.--I really broke it off with her!
So when I decided to date again, I prayed and put my order in. "Please, I would like a widower, or a never married man, with NO kids and who has a job!" I got one. He is the sweetest man and treats me like a Queen. With no kids, (well he has "step kids that are older") but he was not married as he lived with their mother for years. So I dodged a bullet with the other one. Happy now.
So if you are dating a divorced man, beware of the issues that were posted above, you life could be a living hell.
by illana   437 Posts
Posted on 1/10/2012 4:51 AM

I whole heartedly agree men (and women) should  pay  child support and such. BUT I also see people  running with it as well.  When I married  K I thought it was great that he not only had his kids  all the time, but he  NEVER had any problems handing money over for thier needs and care.  But When I started seeing that  she wasnt contributing her share to the kids then using them for more..... things got a bit rough.    The kids were wearing grandmas hand me downs and no coats but she was going on ALOT of trips with friends.  When I felt bad and bought them a few outfits with my own money and she had the balls to demand I give up the reciepts so she could take them back and use the money for her own needs.  I got pissed. When I went 2 winters with out heat so she could get her BOAT FIXED, Go on a cruise, spend the holidays in NEW YORK CITY. Yeah I can see why some people  complain. Even more sadly though, through all of it I would have  not minded as long as the kids had what they needed and not been the least bit bitchy about going with out.  The kids have been little more than pawns to a better pay day and yet she has had no time for them as they were not allowed here (her words) but  they instead got pawned off on anyone who would take them.  The kids can be manipulative as she is at times and after years of being  used as live bait,  Well lets see who they grow into. But I can honestly say after seeing all this and going through this I now  think twice when I hear a man being bashed  for walking away from thier kids.  I know I will catch hell for that but.  What situation is better for them when you go with out, do everything you can and still are nothing but a plane ticket and a disrespected pawn?   I keep my mouth shut and I also keep my money in MY OWN wallet. 
 I will just spend my money on my own kids and thats it!
by Branny   838 Posts
Posted on 3/18/2009 11:04 PM

There are all kinds of divorced men. Not all of them will have kids to support, or alimony to pay. Some of them come out of it clean and clear of any obligations. Might title this divorced men with children.
by BEHaws   657 Posts
Posted on 3/18/2009 4:24 PM

I judge all divorced men and woman on how they handle their ex spouse and their kids.    I could never be around a man who bad mouthed his ex or who treated their kids like pawns in a war.

My ex was guilty of infidelity in our marriage which hurt me terribly,  but I never let that define my relationship with him or interfere with his relationship with his daughter.    I make an effort to have a good relationship with him because I need him to be a good father so I do what I can to make that as easy and smooth as possible.
by timless   1833 Posts
Posted on 3/18/2009 3:48 PM

Great post!!

When I met my ex, he had 6 other kids from 3 other moms. I was young and dumb enough to believe that things would be "different" with me and the kids we had together. Nope, of course not. He had me believing that his other ex's were gold-digging vindictive bi***es who were sucking him for every last dime...until I was in the same situation as the other ex's. Now I feel stupid and like I intruded on their turf with the kids. I had no right. Well, I'm wiser now. Nothing changes that man though. Now I pity the woman who inherits his mess.
by marybecca2   1575 Posts
Posted on 3/18/2009 3:38 PM

 I entered into my relationship knowing that the kids would be a part. Knowing that he had to pay child support and alimony. Honestly- I would not date a man with kids if he DIDN'T take it seriously . His kids should come first to him as mine do to me.
As for the time away- I honestly don't even mind that- I am glad that he spends time with his kids.
My issue here is his ex throwing  a head fit when she knows I will be around them. His ex harrassing him over every little thing- and her attempting to shut him out of their lives.
Good post!
by mtnvly   4119 Posts
Posted on 3/18/2009 3:20 PM

Amen to everything posted here. My STBX is upset that he doesn't have the money to spend on everything he wants now. Umm...we didn't have the money to begin with. Open credit on a credit card doesn't = having money.

I no longer care what he says about being able to afford child support. He goes on vacations, dates, and still buys toys. Those things will always come first for him before paying boring stuff like mortgage, credit cards and child support. He's extremely lucky because his family is cashing out their retirements for him even though he makes more than any of them.

His mistress is paying all their bills on her own and even paying for some of his expenses and she makes $20k less than him, but she can afford to pay the bills and he can't? She gets the same amount in child support from her ex that my ex has to pay me so it should be a wash for them combined.

I've been copying his whole family and the mistress's recent ex-husband on all our financial e-mails so that they can see how he is wasting his money. If they still want to support them then that is their perogative, but they can't say they didn't know how he was really spending his/their money. Hopefully they will cut him off so that he'll be forced to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. So far he hasn't felt the real affects of the decisions he's made this past year. Everyone is sheltering their "golden boy" from his mean, nasty STBX wife.

I calculated that my STBX owes is mistress $7,000 in back rent, more if you add in utilities and food he hasn't contributed to. $5,000 for attorney fees. $2,000 for another loan...don't know what that one was for...toys? Plus, he claims that she pays for their dates. I know she's paid for hotel rooms and plane tickets. She has also bought him presents. What a dumbass. She wanted to be me...now she really is! They aren't married but she is pregnant with his baby. I'm so glad to be free of that parasite. He's her problem now.
by BecksMom   299 Posts
Posted on 1/22/2009 12:44 PM

Well my ex's girlfriend definitely doesn't need to be mad about the spending time with kids part--becuz my ex no longer gets them for visitation anymore.  After he moved in with the tramp he no longer picks them up for weekend visits, instead he comes during the week (every other week) takes them out to dinner and spends a whole hour with them--dad of the freakin' year!! NOT!!  So the only thing she can bitch about is the no money thing--becuz he's paying support and after I get thru with him on the sale of this house--he'll be taking the loss on our house to which will leave him in the hole big time and gee--do ya think she'll want to pay to get him out of debt!!  Don't think so!! Better luck to her, becuz I'm glad I'm thru with his sorry ass, just wish I was done with him forever!! They both cheated on their spouses to be together and now they are --so more power to them!!
by freedom   1017 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 10:26 PM

I am a divorced mother of three, dating a divorced man of two. My ex pays and is soon to be remarried. So far things seem ok. The new STBW is very kind to my children and almost has my ex being a better father......My bf's ex is something else. I am an ex so I know the routine...I figure treat others how you want to be treated and always place the kids first. This women just flies off the handle out of nowhere continues to say she wants full(they have 50/50)custody and support. She is emotionally driven and always starts a fight near the holidays....My bf is a good man but the psyco stuff gets old.....
by mic   6 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2008 1:36 PM

Well. I married my prior divorced daddy of 3 and I have 1 of my own.  He had an ex from hell.  And I am in total agreement he sure should pay support, my childs bio dad is at $50,000.00 behind and Indiana sucks in trying to accomplish anything in the child support division.  Anyway now I realize why his ex was from hell because he almost sent me there too.  He brcame verbally and physically abusive.  When the verbal abuse started getting aimed towards my daughter thats when I drew the line.  My advice if you are going to marry a divorced man with kids , do your homework, an extremely bitter ex has her reasons.  I'd consider seeking counseling before making a commitment.
Now I get to look foward to a divorce.   But at least my daughter and I live in peace now without yelling and abuse,
by ineedabreak   2 Posts
Posted on 4/28/2008 9:58 PM

wow...i wonder would my ex's girlfriend be mad if i sent her this message?  she seems to have a problem with him spending time with our kids and she was silly enough to have another baby for him.... hmmmm go figure!
by karomelkitty   133 Posts
Posted on 4/27/2008 3:02 PM

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