Are You Dating A Divorced Man? Know What You are Getting Into 

I whole heartedly agree men (and women) should  pay  child support and such. BUT I also see people  running with it as well.  When I married  K I thought it was great that he not only had his kids  all the time, but he  NEVER had any problems handing money over for thier needs and care.  But When I started seeing that  she wasnt contributing her share to the kids then using them for more..... things got a bit rough.    The kids were wearing grandmas hand me downs and no coats but she was going on ALOT of trips with friends.  When I felt bad and bought them a few outfits with my own money and she had the balls to demand I give up the reciepts so she could take them back and use the money for her own needs.  I got pissed. When I went 2 winters with out heat so she could get her BOAT FIXED, Go on a cruise, spend the holidays in NEW YORK CITY. Yeah I can see why some people  complain. Even more sadly though, through all of it I would have  not minded as long as the kids had what they needed and not been the least bit bitchy about going with out.  The kids have been little more than pawns to a better pay day and yet she has had no time for them as they were not allowed here (her words) but  they instead got pawned off on anyone who would take them.  The kids can be manipulative as she is at times and after years of being  used as live bait,  Well lets see who they grow into. But I can honestly say after seeing all this and going through this I now  think twice when I hear a man being bashed  for walking away from thier kids.  I know I will catch hell for that but.  What situation is better for them when you go with out, do everything you can and still are nothing but a plane ticket and a disrespected pawn?   I keep my mouth shut and I also keep my money in MY OWN wallet. 
 I will just spend my money on my own kids and thats it!

There are all kinds of divorced men. Not all of them will have kids to support, or alimony to pay. Some of them come out of it clean and clear of any obligations. Might title this divorced men with children.

I judge all divorced men and woman on how they handle their ex spouse and their kids.    I could never be around a man who bad mouthed his ex or who treated their kids like pawns in a war.

My ex was guilty of infidelity in our marriage which hurt me terribly,  but I never let that define my relationship with him or interfere with his relationship with his daughter.    I make an effort to have a good relationship with him because I need him to be a good father so I do what I can to make that as easy and smooth as possible.

Great post!!

When I met my ex, he had 6 other kids from 3 other moms. I was young and dumb enough to believe that things would be "different" with me and the kids we had together. Nope, of course not. He had me believing that his other ex's were gold-digging vindictive bi***es who were sucking him for every last dime...until I was in the same situation as the other ex's. Now I feel stupid and like I intruded on their turf with the kids. I had no right. Well, I'm wiser now. Nothing changes that man though. Now I pity the woman who inherits his mess.

RIGHT ON!
 I entered into my relationship knowing that the kids would be a part. Knowing that he had to pay child support and alimony. Honestly- I would not date a man with kids if he DIDN'T take it seriously . His kids should come first to him as mine do to me.
As for the time away- I honestly don't even mind that- I am glad that he spends time with his kids.
My issue here is his ex throwing  a head fit when she knows I will be around them. His ex harrassing him over every little thing- and her attempting to shut him out of their lives.
Good post!

Amen to everything posted here. My STBX is upset that he doesn't have the money to spend on everything he wants now. Umm...we didn't have the money to begin with. Open credit on a credit card doesn't = having money.

I no longer care what he says about being able to afford child support. He goes on vacations, dates, and still buys toys. Those things will always come first for him before paying boring stuff like mortgage, credit cards and child support. He's extremely lucky because his family is cashing out their retirements for him even though he makes more than any of them.

His mistress is paying all their bills on her own and even paying for some of his expenses and she makes $20k less than him, but she can afford to pay the bills and he can't? She gets the same amount in child support from her ex that my ex has to pay me so it should be a wash for them combined.

I've been copying his whole family and the mistress's recent ex-husband on all our financial e-mails so that they can see how he is wasting his money. If they still want to support them then that is their perogative, but they can't say they didn't know how he was really spending his/their money. Hopefully they will cut him off so that he'll be forced to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. So far he hasn't felt the real affects of the decisions he's made this past year. Everyone is sheltering their "golden boy" from his mean, nasty STBX wife.

I calculated that my STBX owes is mistress $7,000 in back rent, more if you add in utilities and food he hasn't contributed to. $5,000 for attorney fees. $2,000 for another loan...don't know what that one was for...toys? Plus, he claims that she pays for their dates. I know she's paid for hotel rooms and plane tickets. She has also bought him presents. What a dumbass. She wanted to be me...now she really is! They aren't married but she is pregnant with his baby. I'm so glad to be free of that parasite. He's her problem now.

Well my ex's girlfriend definitely doesn't need to be mad about the spending time with kids part--becuz my ex no longer gets them for visitation anymore.  After he moved in with the tramp he no longer picks them up for weekend visits, instead he comes during the week (every other week) takes them out to dinner and spends a whole hour with them--dad of the freakin' year!! NOT!!  So the only thing she can bitch about is the no money thing--becuz he's paying support and after I get thru with him on the sale of this house--he'll be taking the loss on our house to which will leave him in the hole big time and gee--do ya think she'll want to pay to get him out of debt!!  Don't think so!! Better luck to her, becuz I'm glad I'm thru with his sorry ass, just wish I was done with him forever!! They both cheated on their spouses to be together and now they are --so more power to them!!

I am a divorced mother of three, dating a divorced man of two. My ex pays and is soon to be remarried. So far things seem ok. The new STBW is very kind to my children and almost has my ex being a better father......My bf's ex is something else. I am an ex so I know the routine...I figure treat others how you want to be treated and always place the kids first. This women just flies off the handle out of nowhere continues to say she wants full(they have 50/50)custody and support. She is emotionally driven and always starts a fight near the holidays....My bf is a good man but the psyco stuff gets old.....

Well. I married my prior divorced daddy of 3 and I have 1 of my own.  He had an ex from hell.  And I am in total agreement he sure should pay support, my childs bio dad is at $50,000.00 behind and Indiana sucks in trying to accomplish anything in the child support division.  Anyway now I realize why his ex was from hell because he almost sent me there too.  He brcame verbally and physically abusive.  When the verbal abuse started getting aimed towards my daughter thats when I drew the line.  My advice if you are going to marry a divorced man with kids , do your homework, an extremely bitter ex has her reasons.  I'd consider seeking counseling before making a commitment.
Now I get to look foward to a divorce.   But at least my daughter and I live in peace now without yelling and abuse,

wow...i wonder would my ex's girlfriend be mad if i sent her this message?  she seems to have a problem with him spending time with our kids and she was silly enough to have another baby for him.... hmmmm go figure!