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Are you an older divorcee who's afraid of becoming a bag lady?

    The most frightening aspect of divorce is financial—it throws families, mostly of women and children, into poverty. The group most affected, and ignored, is us older women.  My worst fear was of becoming a bag lady, wandering around with all my possessions in a shopping cart, sleeping in doorways.

I am 65 and my ex husband is 14 years younger than me. When we were married I assumed my freelance writing income and his job would be sufficient to support us. We lived comfortably by augmenting his income with an inheritance from my mother, while he stashed away money in his retirement account. He dumped me for another—of course much younger-- woman, kept the retirement account and gave me the house but I have to pay the mortage. The support he gives me doesn’t quite cover it and it ended when I was 65.  I got too depressed after he left to keep pitching magazine articles and my freelance careeer went down the tubes.

There is no more lifelong alimony for women my lawyer informs me—we are supposed to support ourselves at some point. The problem is that we older women don’t have the career opportunities younger women have. By the time our support ends, we won’t be back on our feet—we'll be lucky to have a roof over our heads.

The court assumes that Social Security will take over when I’m 65. . Of course social security will barely cover my mortgage. When I asked for more money in court his lawyer says I can go work at Walmart and support myself. Gee, that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my old age. Luckily I still had a little of my inheritance left so I renovated the basement and rented it out.   I cleared out the garage and rented that too. I'm about to rent out a couple more rooms. Being a landlady wasn't what I had in mind for my old age, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

How are you suriviving?.

by EricaManfred 289 Posts

Posted on 4/24/2008 8:12 PM

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Tags: , older women , financial survival

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Comments for "Are you an older divorcee who's afraid of becoming a bag lady?" (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks for you quick reply. I live in Illinois. I think my lawyer is pretty good but I can't say how good until it's all over. He charges me $400 per hour. Right now I owe him 7K and it's steady growing. I put this all on my credit card to show debt that I owe hoping I can look poorer and maybe get more in the settlement. My lawyer did tell me that my stbx has a pretty good lawyer so I'm expecting him to fight real hard for my dumb ass stbx. I am refraining from any casual conversation with my lawyer because, of course, he charges me for every encounter. I've been doing ok up until now. My 28 year old son graduated college last spring and he doesn't have a job yet so I'm picking up all his bills (car note, car insurance, student loans, etc.). I didn't anticipate on having to support him but jobs are hard to find right now. I'm praying he will get a job soon. I will get your book to see what more I can learn. Please give me any advice you have.

by Char1 99 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2009 4:47 PM

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Hi there, what state do you live in? Do you have a decent lawyer? Those are the two most crucial aspects when it comes to your financial settlement. Your situation is only too common for older divorcees which I wrote about in my book: He's History; You're Not: Surviving Divorce After Forty I am still struggling as well, getting by but barely. I too don't want to get a minimum wage job though sometimes I think it would be nice to get out of the house. Get my book. I have some good suggestions for older women. If you get the house you live in you can get a reverse mortgage and rent out part of it. That's what I did. You might want to consult a divorce financial planner. Make sure to insist on your rights in court.

by EricaManfred 289 Posts
Posted on 11/3/2009 9:05 AM

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Erica,
I stumbled on your blog from last year about the older divorcee and I'm a stbx 60 year old woman who didn't dream of finding myself here at this point in my life. I'm petrified about how I will come out of this divorce financially. I'm hoping for a good outcome but it seems like anything can happen in divorce settlements which usually are not good. I have an IRA of 200K and he spent all of his. We also have a small piece of land with old small farm house valued at 52K and the house I live in (free and clear) valued at 140K.

I'm praying to God that he'll be happy with the old farm house he loves and leave my IRA alone which will leave me to buy him out of the house. Anything less than that will put me on skid row. I've got 2 more years to get to social security (I'm getting unemployment benefits now). He's just started to collect his social security benefits at age 62.

I really don't want to return to work right now or in the next 9 months at least. There may not be any work I can find anyway at my age. I've got lots to worry about. Discovery is still going on and not knowing what's going to happen is very scary. There is a little ray of hope for my IRA though... about 35% of it should be excluded as marital property because I started building it 10 years before we got married. I know my stbx doesn't know this and I don't know how hard he's going to fight to get more than he deserves.

If I were younger and healthier I would be able to bounce back but I don't think I have much energy left to work a full time job anymore and there probably aren't any part time jobs I could get. I still have great office skills but young girls are preferred.

Since it's been over a year since you posted this, how has it been going for you? Can you give me any advice? Should I be getting my shopping cart and bag ready for the streets??

by Char1 99 Posts
Posted on 11/2/2009 9:26 PM

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